Words of wisdom we've heard over Airline PA systems 18

[SantaMufasa]

I got such a laugh out of Golom's post in the "Speed vs. Velocity" thread:

In a few minutes we will be landing in <pick your favorite third-world city>
Please set your watches back 2,000 years.

...that I thought we needed to give some "air time" to other airline gems, without hijacking the other thread. One of my favourites:

"...Should we experience a sudden loss of cabin pressure, oxygen masks will appear above your head. Place the mask over your nose and mouth, and breathe normally. If you normally do not breathe normally, then breathe as you normally would when you normally do not breathe normally.

What others have you heard?


Mufasa
(aka Dave of Sandy, Utah, USA)
[I can provide you with low-cost, remote Database Administration services: see our website and contact me via www.dasages.com]

 

[KenCunningham]

Pleased to say that my brother in law made it safely back over the briney with a delay of 'only' 15 hours or so.

All I ask of you
Is make my wildest dreams come true

 

[SantaMufasa]

...a little guy who hadn't understood any of the announcements excitedly claimed the suitcase and we finally got it off the ground.

This reminds me of my favourite TV the advertisement (hawking English classes) that shows a supervisor at a German Coast Guard station turning over the watch to an obvious rookie. Soon, an emergency transmission crackles over the radio to the rookie:

"May Day! May Day ! This is American freighter USS Baton Rouge. We are sinking, we are sinking."

The rookie thoughtfully responds with his transmission: "Ya...Ziss is Zah Cherman Coast Guard...What are you "sinking"?"

Mufasa
(aka Dave of Sandy, Utah, USA)
[I can provide you with low-cost, remote Database Administration services: see our website and contact me via www.dasages.com]

 

[gbaughma]

This could be fun.....

NORTHWEST
N ormally
O perating
R egionally
T hroughout
H emisphere
W ithout
E ver
S upporting
T errorists

CONTINENTAL

C onfident
O f
N ormal
T ransportation
I n
N orthern
E urope,
N asty
T aliban
A ren't
L oaded.

OK... that's all for me... my brain is melting.



Just my 2¢

"In order to start solving a problem, one must first identify its owner." --Me
--Greg

http://parallel.tzo.com

 

[Gooser]

In light of frequent maintenance problems making the news:

Alaskan Airlines
-where every seat is smoking.

 

[SamBones]

I used to work for Hughes Aircraft a very very long time ago. We would jokingly refer to it as "Huge Aircrash".

 

[Lunatic]

Not claiming any of these are true, but if they are it shows you that Flight Attendants aren't the only ones that have fun on a plane.

http://www.businessballs.com/airtrafficcontrollersfunnyquotes.htm

 

[kmcginn]

On SW

"Should the cabin pressure drop... If you are flying with a child, place your own mask over your mouth and nose, and then assist your child. If you are traveling with more than one child, pick you favorite!"

"... the seat cushions serve as floatation devices, so grab one and kick-paddle, kick-paddle until you reach the shore"

And after a particularly bumpy landing where the plane touched bounced, hard, twice, the pilot announced, "Thanks you for flying Southwest - we hope you enjoyed the landing - BOTH of them!

 

[traingamer]

On Southwest, a few years ago:

Thank you for flying with us today. If you enjoyed your flight, be sure to tell everyone that you flew Southwest. If not, tell them you flew TWA.

Greg
"Personally, I am always ready to learn, although I do not always like being taught." - Winston Churchill

 

[Lunatic]

I just returned from a vaction (if you can call it that) and flew SW. Here's a couple more...

Please stop avoiding eye contact, you are NOT going to be able to save that middle seat. This plane holds 137 people and we are leaving with 137 people because thats the way we fly here at SouthWest, completely full!

In the event of a water landing... somewhere between DC and Las Vegas...

While we do not expect a decrease in cabin pressure, or we would have called in sick today...

My favorite though, was the message that we were cleared for depature from BWI. The attendent started signing 'Rollin, Rollin, Rollin' (what song is that from?), then stopped and said:

"We interrupt this regularly scheduled broadcast to bring you the following announcement... We are cleared for depatured"

Then proceeded to continue with the song with certain words modifed (like 'rollin down the runway')... by the end the entire flight was signing the audience parts and clapping along with the tune. It was a rather enjoyable way to start 8 hours in a plane (with connectors an waiting on the plane in Vegas will most of the passengers left and more came on for the Vegas-to-San Jose segment of the flight).

 

[rjoubert]

I saw a comedian quite a few years ago who was complaining about the airlines...I'll always remember his take on what a couple of the airline abbreviations stood for...

DELTA - Doesn't Ever Leave The Airport

TWA - Try Walking A**hole!

 

[sleipnir214]

There was at one time a European airline called "Sabina Airlines". The company imploded about 5 years ago.

A friend of mine from the UK said that "Sabina" was an initialism that stood for "Simply awful. Bloody exactly never again."



Want the best answers? Ask the best questions! TANSTAAFL!

 

[SantaMufasa]

Lunatic...Your flyin' music was the theme from Clint Eastwood's 1959-1966 TV series, "Rawhide".

Mufasa
(aka Dave of Sandy, Utah, USA)
[I can provide you with low-cost, remote Database Administration services: see our website and contact me via www.dasages.com]

 

[SantaMufasa]

Actually, Sleipnir, SABENA (not "Sabina") is truly an initialisation for the French Societe Autonyme Belge d'Exploitation de la Navigation Aerienne. Notice that the "E" stands for "Exploitation", as your UK friend would probably say was appropriate.

Mufasa
(aka Dave of Sandy, Utah, USA)
[I can provide you with low-cost, remote Database Administration services: see our website and contact me via www.dasages.com]

 

[sleipnir214]

I knew there was something wrong with my post, but all three times I previewed it I just couldn't see it.

It's probably my subconscious not wanting to misspell "Sabine" (as in river, which denotes part of the boundary between LA [where I live] and TX)



Want the best answers? Ask the best questions! TANSTAAFL!

 

[dalenz]

After a very hard landing at Toronto:

"In case any of you failed to notice, we have landed at Toronto International Airport

 

[gbaughma]

Rollin' Rollin' Rollin' = Rawhide

Rollin' down the Runway was probably "Proud Mary"



Just my 2¢

"In order to start solving a problem, one must first identify its owner." --Me
--Greg

http://parallel.tzo.com

 

[PaulTEG]

From here

While taxiing at Philadelphia Int'l, the crew of a US Air flight departing for Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a United 727.

An irate female ground controller lashed out at the US Air crew, screaming: "US Air 2771, where the hell are you going?! I told you to turn right onto Charlie taxiway! You turned right on Delta! Stop right there. I know it's difficult for you to tell the difference between C and D, but get it right!"

Continuing her rage to the embarrassed crew, she was now shouting hysterically: "God! Now you've screwed everything up! It'll take forever to sort this out! You stay right there and don't move till I tell you to! You can expect progressive taxi instructions in about half an hour and I want you to go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you, and how I tell you! You got that, US Air 2771?"

"Yes ma'am," the humbled crew responded.

Naturally, the ground control communications frequency fell terribly silent after the verbal bashing of US Air 2771. Nobody wanted to chance engaging the irate ground controller in her current state of mind. Tension in every cockpit out at Philly was definitely running high.

Just then an unknown pilot broke the silence and keyed his microphone, asking: "Wasn't I married to you once?"

I went looking for this one ...

Unknown aircraft waiting in a very long takeoff queue: "I'm [insert favorite expletive here]ing bored!"
Ground Traffic Control: "Last aircraft transmitting, identify yourself immediately!"
Unknown aircraft: "I said I was [insert favorite expletive here]ing bored, not [insert favorite expletive here]ing stupid!"

Paul
------------------------------------
Spend an hour a week on CPAN, helps cure all known programming ailments ;-)

 

[SantaMufasa]

x 2 !!!

Mufasa
(aka Dave of Sandy, Utah, USA)
[I can provide you with low-cost, remote Database Administration services: see our website and contact me via www.dasages.com]

 

[sleipnir214]

This from the economist.com from September 7. The preflight announcement for Veritas Airline:

http://www.economist.com/opinion/displaystory.cfm?story_id=7884654

Want the best answers? Ask the best questions! TANSTAAFL!

 

[jebenson]

Good find, sleipnir214. I really liked the part about entering "the realm of science fiction."



I used to rock and roll every night and party every day. Then it was every other day. Now I'm lucky if I can find 30 minutes a week in which to get funky. - Homer Simpson

Arrrr, mateys! Ye needs ta be preparin' yerselves fer Talk Like a Pirate Day! Ye has a choice: talk like a pira