Words of wisdom we've heard over Airline PA systems 18

[SantaMufasa]

I got such a laugh out of Golom's post in the "Speed vs. Velocity" thread:

In a few minutes we will be landing in <pick your favorite third-world city>
Please set your watches back 2,000 years.

...that I thought we needed to give some "air time" to other airline gems, without hijacking the other thread. One of my favourites:

"...Should we experience a sudden loss of cabin pressure, oxygen masks will appear above your head. Place the mask over your nose and mouth, and breathe normally. If you normally do not breathe normally, then breathe as you normally would when you normally do not breathe normally.

What others have you heard?


Mufasa
(aka Dave of Sandy, Utah, USA)
[I can provide you with low-cost, remote Database Administration services: see our website and contact me via www.dasages.com]

 

[cjelec]

Esquared, Its done by speed and strength of the signal. And no its not because of cell phone network, its to do with terrorism and plotting to take over the plane...

 

[ascotta]

So your traveling towards this mountain at 500 miles an hour

http://wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwoooooooooooooooooooommmmmmmmmmmmmmm

so what are you supposed to do ?

All throw your lifejackets at once and shout "Go away nasty mountain" ?

or your heading towards Manchester at 500 miles an hour .......vertically ....life jacket on, tied up what are you gooona say....
"Oh I hope they hit a puddle!"

[blue] A perspective from the other side!![/blue]

Cheers
Scott

 

[KenCunningham]

That's why I always like a rear seat on a 'plane - you never hear of accidents where the plane backed into a mountain, do you?

Oh, and Scott I guess the chances of hitting a puddle in Manchester are somewhat higher than some other places I could mention!

 

[sha76]

Surely phones do sometimes cause interference with instruments? I've been on a plane before when a message has gone out from the pilot saying that someone still had their phone switched on & to turn it off. I don't see how he'd know if it wasn't interfering with something? (& no, it wasn't ringing!)

"Your rock is eroding wrong." -Dogbert

 

[kjv1611]

Maybe he just had a "cellphone" detector like people can buy radar or laser decectors to try and know when they might be scanned for speeding by a traffic officer.

--

"If to err is human, then I must be some kind of human!" -Me

 

[rjfoster]

Actually, esquared is right -- the FCC (not just the FAA) bans the use of cells phone in airplane for the very reason. Cell phones were banned long before terrorism was a (major) concern of todays pilots and passengers.

Your cell phone is powered and designed to connect to at least 3 towers at any time, while on the ground. Rarely is your phone every able to reach more then 3 towers. The signal is always blocked by buildings, trees, terrian, etc in metropolitan areas. And in more rural areas, the towers are spaced farther apart to compensate.

If you were 10,000 feet in the air (or even 2,000) your cell phone could easily connect to 20 or more towers. And while a single phone doing this might not cause much additional sress on the cellular system, an airplane with 100+ cell phone would probably cause a noticable problems.

The cellular routing tables increase geometrically for each cell tower a phone can connect to. The system is designed to handle 5 towers per phone (generally speaking)-- some phones may connect to more at various times, but most phones will only reach 2 or 3.

Peace out.
-gg

 

[ChrisHunt]

But why would the airlines care about the problems that airborne mobiles might cause for the phone companies?

Could it be a little of both? I'm sure we've all heard the noise a radio makes if you use a mobile nearby, maybe it makes a similar kind of noise when you move from one mast to another - which is one helluva racket for a whole planeload of people moving over a succession of masts at 500mph.

-- Chris Hunt
Webmaster & Tragedian
Extra Connections Ltd

 

[2ffat]

Mythbusters did a segment on this. They found that the new cell phones don't create problem but the older cell phones did. Seems the older cell phones used the same frequency that the planes do.

It is easier for the FCC and airlines to ban all phones than to try and figure out which phones will interfere and which won't.



James P. Cottingham
-----------------------------------------
[sup]I'm number 1,229!
I'm number 1,229![/sup]

 

[jadams0173]

What gets me is you can't use your cell phone but feel free to use our seat back Verizon phone. Just swipe your credit card and talk all you want....BTW we are charging you $5.00 a minute.

I tried to have patience but it took to long! -DW

 

[kjv1611]

Or maybe they could just have a forcefield that will only let you on the plane if you have a cellphone that won't cause problems - or um, was that Half Life 2?

--

"If to err is human, then I must be some kind of human!" -Me

 

[p5wizard]

It's also a question of power output of older US (analog) cell phones vs. GSM mobile phones. And also the fact that on a plane you're basically inside a faraday cage which means the phone is trying harder to find/hook up to a cell mast 35000ft or more away (= 7miles or 12km) and ergo it has to up its output power, so more interference with the plane's electronics.

In some hi-tech wards (ICU, CCU, ...) in hospitals you also need to turn your cell phone off. I've seen IV pumps or monitors go crazy or just stop functioning because of cell phone interference. Not something you want to be the cause of...

p5

 

[rjoubert]

That's why I always like a rear seat on a 'plane - you never hear of accidents where the plane backed into a mountain, do you?

Ken, if you think that you have a chance of surviving a plane (flying thousands of feet in the air and traveling at 500 mph) crashing into a mountain by sitting in the rear seat, then I have some oceanfront property in Indiana I'd like to sell you.

 

[LadySlinger]

In the History of ATA, we still have yet to have a passenger beat the plane to the terminal while taxi-ing. Please continue to remain seated until we have reached the terminal

 

[JediBMC]

A favorite of mine came from the high flying jestors at Southwest Airlines after a rather lengthy delay waiting to push back from the gate:

The captain has finished reading the instruction manual and feels confident that we can get underway now. Thank you all for your patience.

-Brian-
Semper Paratus

 

[MCuthill]

(Off-Topic)
rjoubert's quote below reminded me of a discussion I have had numerous times with my mom (mum, mother) over the years.

Ken, if you think that you have a chance of surviving a plane (flying thousands of feet in the air and traveling at 500 mph) crashing into a mountain by sitting in the rear seat, then I have some oceanfront property in Indiana I'd like to sell you.

Mom: "You should buy a bigger car, what if you are hit by a Semi in that little hatchback?"
Myself: "If I'm hit by a Semi while driving anything smaller than another Semi ... I doubt it will matter..."

Still being a young man (22), she should know that safety is one of the last things on my mind when choosing a car, and that all of us (young people) are invincible until proven otherwise... at which time it no longer matters that she may have been right. lol

Sorry Guys, I was laughing too hard not to share.

Cheers,

Mike
______________________________________________________________
"It Seems All My Problems Exist Between Keyboard and Chair"

 

[ascotta]

My mobile is on and in my pocket whilst I pilot in flying lessons, there is no issue there. Then again it isn't fly-by-wire, its seat of pants!!

[blue] A perspective from the other side!![/blue]

Cheers
Scott

 

[rjfoster]

The captain has finished reading the instruction manual and feels confident that we can get underway now. Thank you all for your patience.

Nice one JediBMC!

Peace out.
-gg

 

[philhege]

We were on the tarmac at BUF, ready to escape lake effect and .NET for a bit. It was spitting sleet, and the temp was dipping below the freezing mark.

The captain then came on the PA and said, "Folks, we have a slight problem. We have three airspeed indicators in the cockpit, and one is indicating 65 knots while we're sitting here at the gate. We're going to have to power down the airplane and see if we can reboot the instruments."

Three tries, two hours, and one mechanic later, we were on our way to Atlanta. I guess the days of rapping on the glass are gone!

Phil Hegedusich
Senior Programmer/Analyst
IIMAK

http://www.iimak.com

-----------
I'll have the roast duck with the mango salsa.

 

[KenCunningham]

[Homer Simpson voice] Indiana eh? [/Homer Simpson voice]

As it happens I also always jump up and down in a lift (elevator) on the assumption that if the fail-safes fail, I stand a 50/50 chance of being in the air when the thing hits the deck, and therefore completely safe.

Gullible, moi?

 

[p5wizard]

So then shouldn't you get an aisle seat in the 3rd or 4th last row of the plane? When it hits that mountain, you can still quickly get out of your seat and jump back ;-)

p5