Words of wisdom we've heard over Airline PA systems 18

[SantaMufasa]

I got such a laugh out of Golom's post in the "Speed vs. Velocity" thread:

In a few minutes we will be landing in <pick your favorite third-world city>
Please set your watches back 2,000 years.

...that I thought we needed to give some "air time" to other airline gems, without hijacking the other thread. One of my favourites:

"...Should we experience a sudden loss of cabin pressure, oxygen masks will appear above your head. Place the mask over your nose and mouth, and breathe normally. If you normally do not breathe normally, then breathe as you normally would when you normally do not breathe normally.

What others have you heard?


Mufasa
(aka Dave of Sandy, Utah, USA)
[I can provide you with low-cost, remote Database Administration services: see our website and contact me via www.dasages.com]

 

[SantaMufasa]

Thanks, Greg, for getting us back on topic. <grin>

Mufasa
(aka Dave of Sandy, Utah, USA)
[I provide low-cost, remote Database Administration services: www.dasages.com]

 

[gbaughma]

Umm... sorry.



Just my 2¢
"Life gets mighty precious when there's less of it to waste." -Bonnie Raitt "Nick of Time"
--Greg

http://parallel.tzo.com

 

[lkerr]

Here's one I heard from a SWA pilot. It made me doubt his qualifications to be flying the plane.

"Okay, folks, the weather in Nashville is 56 degrees and overcast. However, if you ask me, it just looks cloudy."

Um ... SAME THING, Einstein!! Yikes!

 

[MCuthill]

A plane was taking off from the Winnipeg airport. After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom, "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight Number 293, nonstop from Winnipeg to Montreal. The weather ahead is good and, therefore, we should ha have a smooth and uneventful flight. Now sit back and relax.. OH, MY GOD!"

Silence followed, and after a few minutes, the captain came back on the intercom and said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier. While I was talking to you, the flight attendant accidentally spilled a cup of hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!" A passenger in Coach yelled, "That's nothing. You should see the back of mine!"

A little bit of humor before the long weekend!



Mike
______________________________________________________________
"It Seems All My Problems Exist Between Keyboard and Chair"

 

[Lunatic]

http://www.overheardintheoffice.com/archives/004253.html

Flight attendant: ... And if this love plane becomes a love boat, please use your seat cushion as a flotation device.

Sacramento International Airport
California

Overheard by: Wishing I wasn't sitting next to my grandmother

NSFW Notice - Sometimes, based on what is submitted (no censor) this site may not be safe for work.

***************************************
Have a problem with my spelling or grammar? Please refer all complaints to my English teacher:
Ralphy "Me fail English? That's unpossible." Wiggum

 

[SantaMufasa]

Although these aren't PA-system words of wisdom, we, nonetheless can learn from this pilot's sensitive handling of this delicate situation:

A plane is on its way to Houston when a blonde in economy class gets up and moves to the First Class section and takes a seat.

The flight attendant watches her do this and asks to see her ticket. The attendant then explains to the blonde that she paid for economy class and that she will have to return to economy class.

The blonde replies, &quot;I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Houston and staying right here.&quot;

The flight attendant goes into the cockpit and tells the pilot and co-pilot that there is a blonde bimbo sitting in First class who belongs in Economy and she won't move back to her economy-class seat.

The co-pilot goes back to the blonde and tries to explain that because she only paid for Economy, she must leave First Class and return to her Economy-class seat.

The blonde replies, &quot;I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Houston and staying right here.&quot;

The co-pilot tells the pilot that he probably should have the police waiting when they land to arrest this woman who won't listen to reason.

The pilot says, &quot;You say she is a blonde? I'll handle this...I'm married to a blonde and I speak their language.&quot;

He goes back to the blonde and whispers in her ear. She says, &quot;Oh, I'm sorry,&quot; gets up, and goes back to her seat in Economy.

The flight attendant and co-pilot are amazed and ask him what he said to make her move without any fuss.

&quot;I told her, 'First Class isn't going to Houston.'&quot;.

Mufasa
(aka Dave of Sandy, Utah, USA)
[I provide low-cost, remote Database Administration services: www.dasages.com]

 

[kjv1611]

[ROFL]
[ROFL]
[ROFL2][ROFL2][ROFL2]

--

"If to err is human, then I must be some kind of human!" -Me

 

[Lunatic]

Some of these are repeats (or rather close variations), others I haven't seen here.

Again... If you go to the site, it may not be safe for work (depends on the content of the other postings).

http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/009938.html

Wednesday One-Liners' Lives Are in the Hands of Cynical Strangers
Pilot: For those of you seated on the left, if you look out of your window you can see the beautiful Manhattan skyline. For those seated on the right... thank you for flying United.

--Flight to Newark

Overheard by: will

Captain: Good morning, ladies and gentlemen. I'm your captain, James T. Kirk, and today I'll be assisted by my copilot, Ricky Bobby.

--JetBlue flight, JFK

Overheard by: jewish girl

Flight attendant: Welcome to New York's LaGuardia airport, where the local time is way too early in the morning!

--Red-eye flight from Ft. Lauderdale, FL

Overheard by: Johanna Cipolla

Female flight attendant: In response to the many requests about what in-flight movies will be playing I have decided to make a public announcement: we are playing Gone with the Wind, and you are all free to sit on the wing to watch it. There is one oxygen mask per seat, and two in the bathroom. Why there are two in the bathroom -- your guess is as good as mine. Thank you, and have a pleasant flight.

--Southwest flight to JFK

Flight attendant on PA: Be careful when opening the overhead bins. Items can shift during flight and fall on you, or even, God forbid, me.

--American Airlines flight, JFK

Flight attendant: Please take out the safety cards in your seat's back pocket and pretend to follow along.

--United flight 7418, LaGuardia

Overheard by: Natalya Petrovna

Flight attendant: Thank you for listening to the safety announcement for this Boeing 777 service to Atlanta... [Proceeds in low whisper] Go to sleep. Go to sleep. You don't want any beverages. Close your eyes and sleeep...

--Red-eye flight, LaGuardia

Overheard by: Drewp

***************************************
Have a problem with my spelling or grammar? Please refer all complaints to my English teacher:
Ralphy "Me fail English? That's unpossible." Wiggum

 

[mrdenny]

I was flying a VERY small plane from Dullas (I think) to Harrisburg, PA.

The pilot turned around (there was no door, just a piece of cloth between him and us which he never did bother to close) and he told us that in the event of an emergency landing he needed to be the first one out the emergency exit.

This was because as a tiny plane it had props on each wing. I'm guessing that he didn't want anyone leaving onto the wing while the props were still spinning. Just the way he said it was awsome.

On another flight from Detriot to Los Angeles we were told

Ladies and Gentlmen, welcome to Los Angeles Internation Airpot. We are finely here.

It was a rather long flight for some reason.

Denny
MCSA (2003) / MCDBA (SQL 2000)
MCTS (SQL 2005 / Microsoft Windows SharePoint Services 3.0: Configuration / Microsoft Office SharePoint Server 2007: Configuration)
MCITP Database Administrator (SQL 2005) / Database Developer (SQL 2005)

--Anything is possible. All it takes is a little research. (Me)

http://www.mrdenny.com

 

[SantaMufasa]

On another flight from Detriot to Los Angeles we were told:

Ladies and Gentlmen, welcome to Los Angeles Internation Airpot. We are finely here.

Are you sure that they said all of that with all of those misspellings?...They actually said "Internation Airpot"? <wide grin>

Mufasa
(aka Dave of Sandy, Utah, USA)
[I provide low-cost, remote Database Administration services: www.dasages.com]

 

[mrdenny]

Probably not with the misspellings. But if I could spell I wouldn't have to use a computer for everything.

Sometimes I forget to hit the spell check button in the Google tool bar. You've just seen the results of this.



Denny
MCSA (2003) / MCDBA (SQL 2000)
MCTS (SQL 2005 / Microsoft Windows SharePoint Services 3.0: Configuration / Microsoft Office SharePoint Server 2007: Configuration)
MCITP Database Administrator (SQL 2005) / Database Developer (SQL 2005)

--Anything is possible. All it takes is a little research. (Me)

http://www.mrdenny.com

 

[SQLSister]

I've been to LAX, calling it an Airpot was probably just a Freudian slip.

Questions about posting. See faq183-874

 

[flapeyre]

SQLSister:

Do they call their airport police, ahem, LAX Security?

[ducks]

Tibi gratias agimus quod nihil fumas.

 

[kjv1611]

@ "LAX Security"
[ROFL]


--

"If to err is human, then I must be some kind of human!" -Me

 

[SantaMufasa]

...and, of course, they refer to retired members of the force as Ex-LAX Security, right?

Mufasa
(aka Dave of Sandy, Utah, USA)
[I provide low-cost, remote Database Administration services: www.dasages.com]

 

[flapeyre]

Ex-Lax Security?

Airpot?

I'll shut up now..



Tibi gratias agimus quod nihil fumas.

 

[kjv1611]

@Ex-LAX Security
[ROFL2]
[ROFL2]

What a topper!

--

"If to err is human, then I must be some kind of human!" -Me

 

[mrdenny]

lol

Denny
MCSA (2003) / MCDBA (SQL 2000)
MCTS (SQL 2005 / Microsoft Windows SharePoint Services 3.0: Configuration / Microsoft Office SharePoint Server 2007: Configuration)
MCITP Database Administrator (SQL 2005) / Database Developer (SQL 2005)

--Anything is possible. All it takes is a little research. (Me)

http://www.mrdenny.com

 

[SQLSister]

Snicker

Questions about posting. See faq183-874

 

[philhege]

The red zone is for loading and unloading only."

"No, the white zone is for loading and unloading only."

Please don't call me Shirley.

Phil Hegedusich
Senior Programmer/Analyst
IIMAK

http://www.iimak.com

-----------
Not NULL-terminated yet.