Words of wisdom we've heard over Airline PA systems 18

[SantaMufasa]

I got such a laugh out of Golom's post in the "Speed vs. Velocity" thread:

In a few minutes we will be landing in <pick your favorite third-world city>
Please set your watches back 2,000 years.

...that I thought we needed to give some "air time" to other airline gems, without hijacking the other thread. One of my favourites:

"...Should we experience a sudden loss of cabin pressure, oxygen masks will appear above your head. Place the mask over your nose and mouth, and breathe normally. If you normally do not breathe normally, then breathe as you normally would when you normally do not breathe normally.

What others have you heard?


Mufasa
(aka Dave of Sandy, Utah, USA)
[I can provide you with low-cost, remote Database Administration services: see our website and contact me via www.dasages.com]

 

[Gooser]

If you look out the right...oop...left side of the plane, you'll see Mt. Rainier...

Godsakes! This guy doesn't know his right from his left!? [tightening seatbelt]

--Gooser

 

[Turkbear]

Hi,
At least he did not say 'look ahead and up...'





To Paraphrase:"The Help you get is proportional to the Help you give.."

 

[SantaMufasa]

Sir, we have several alcoholic beverages available for our First Cabin passengers...what can I get for you?

I'll have what the pilot's having.

Mufasa
(aka Dave of Sandy, Utah, USA)
[I can provide you with low-cost, remote Database Administration services: see our website and contact me via www.dasages.com]

 

[Turkbear]

Hi,
My favorite phrase is

..In case of a water landing the seat cushion..

If not in a seaplane, isn't a water landing actually a crash



To Paraphrase:"The Help you get is proportional to the Help you give.."

 

[tomed]

On a recent Southwest flight:

We thank you for choosing Southwest for your flight today...and we thank you for your money.

 

[SilentAiche]

To paraphrase comedian Ron White, recounting his ride on a puddle-jumper after one of the plane's two engines went out:

Passenger: "How far can we go on one engine?"

Ron: "All the way to the crash site, I'd guess. We should beat the paramedics by at least 30 minutes."


Tim

[blue]_______________________________________________________
"Although many figures are strange, prime numbers are truly odd."[/blue]

 

[SantaMufasa]

Southwest seems to have the most imaginative (read "less-than-straight-laced") PA natter:

We cannot close the bulkhead door and push back from the gate until all seat belts are fastened...Don't make me come back there!!!!

On another occasion, I understand that the offending attendant received a reprimant when she introduced herself and her colleague as...

Welcome to Southwest Airlines. I am 'Miss Carriage' and the other cabin attendant is 'Miss Conception'...

...And after a particularly bumpy landing:

...Before unbuckling your seat belt, please make sure the ride has come to a complete and final stop...

Mufasa
(aka Dave of Sandy, Utah, USA)
[I can provide you with low-cost, remote Database Administration services: see our website and contact me via www.dasages.com]

 

[BJCooperIT]

On a flight from Bermuda to Philadelphia a family was pre-boarded from a private doorway on the jetway. They were wisked onto the plane and occupied the entire back half of a 747 with attendants in the isles so they could not be approached:

The DuPont family is traveling incognito in the back of the plane!

[sup]Beware of false knowledge; it is more dangerous than ignorance.[/sup][sup] ~George Bernard Shaw[/sup]
Consultant Developer/Analyst Oracle, Forms, Reports & PL/SQL (Windows)
My website: Emu Products Plus

 

[sleipnir214]

I remember a Southwest Airlines flight attendant, after a rough, two- or three-bounce landing in Dallas:

... And once Captain Kangaroo taxis to the gate...

Want the best answers? Ask the best questions! TANSTAAFL!

 

[Gooser]

I think it was the first time I flew, after circling Milwaukee for about an hour and a half:

...and flight control, in their INFINITE WISDOM, have asked us to circle one more time around.

The way he shouted the words 'INFINITE WISDOM' was like he was ready to strangle someone.

--Gooser

 

[stackdump]

After a bumpy descent into Denver, I heard an elderly lady say to a cabin crew member,

"Did we land or were we shot down?"

Another favorite...

We are currently taxiing to our stand, please remain seated until the aircraft has come to a complete standstill. If you would like to hoover out the plane and wash up the dishes, please indicate that by getting up from your seat before the aircraft has come to a standstill.

 

[nicksims]

Turkbear,

re: "If not in a seaplane, isn't a water landing actually a crash"

Sort of. Depends on whose wording you prefer. The final determination of an incident/accident comes from the NTSB who investigates each accident. (At least that was how it was a few years ago.)

From my personal experience, I have been in "an unintentional impact with the ground." Therefore, I have never been in an airplane that crashed. The word crash never entered the paperwork. Gotta love semantics.

Nick

 

[SantaMufasa]

Gotta love semantics

Sounds more like "semi-antics" with words.

Mufasa
(aka Dave of Sandy, Utah, USA)
[I can provide you with low-cost, remote Database Administration services: see our website and contact me via www.dasages.com]

 

[Gooser]

Not to be confused with Mel Gibson's recent anti-Semitics.

--Gooser

 

[rosieb]

Not on a plane, but on the London tube "I would like to apologise to all passengers for the current delay, this has been caused by [pause] a complete F(insert word of choice) Up"

The entire station erupted in laughter.

Rosie
"Don't try to improve one thing by 100%, try to improve 100 things by 1%

 

[SamBones]

Announcing the arrival after a particularly hard landing...

Ladies and gentlemen, we have just hit Orlando.

 

[tsdragon]

I have a friend who is an airline attendant. He's going to love this thread. Hopefully he'll have some interesting contributions too. He does have some funny stories.

Tracy Dryden

Meddle not in the affairs of dragons,
For you are crunchy, and good with mustard.

 

[Thadeus]

My brother had a puddle-jumper trip where there is no door between passengers and flight crew.

They were stuck on the tarmac for so long that they were preparing to circle around and get additional fuel. Suddenly they received the green light to take-off.

My brother said that the flight was relatively uneventful... upon landing however, he and some of the other passengers were able to hear the captain state to his crew-mate, "See I told you we had enough fuel"

~Thadeus

 

[Welshbird]

Over heard.... not one of mine....

On a Ryan air flight from Dublin back to London one guy handed the stewardess some sea food to keep in the fridge for him until they landed.

On landing she said

Would the gentleman who gave me crabs in Dublin like to come to the front of the plane?

Fee

The question should be [red]Is it worth trying to do?[/red] not [blue] Can it be done?[/blue]