SalesSpeak

[BoxHead]

I was looking at leasing a car awhile back. The salesman was very enthusiastic about explaining the "Guaranteed Value" part of the deal. I could lease the car for five years and they would absolutely guarantee that the value of the car would remain much higher than if I purchased the car and tried to sell it at the end of five years.

So, I asked. My choices are
A: I could buy the car, drive it for 5 years and then bring it back to sell it to you for some low dollar amount, or
B: I could lease the car, drive it for five years and then come back to buy it from you at a much higher price?

Not the sharpest crayon in the box, I'd guess, the salesman grinned even bigger and said, "Exactly!"

I guess part of me has to admire the trainer who got him so enthusiastic about this "selling point", but I also wonder if there are other examples of really, really stupid things that salespeople have said to others where it was obvious that they weren't paying a bit of attention to what they were saying.

Or, along slightly different lines, SalesSpeak that has gained acceptance through repetition.
Example: I have to assume that it was a tool salesman who coined the phrase, "A craftsman is only as good as his tools."

 

[Bo9]

Santa
I guess I am a heartless heathen...
I didn't say I still do it, I just did it when younger. Was it wrong? Probably. Was it fun? Yes, at the time. Most of the telemarketers would catch on rather quickly and get off the call. But we were never rude since that tips them off, and we never made anyone run from fictional police. It sounds like that is okay though since you did that. How do you think it made ""Poor Joe" or "Poor Joanna" that that may be a single parent, just trying to pay rent and put food on the table for themselves and their kid(s); that they are somebody's adult kid (similar to my working-stiff six kids)" feel?

Stella
At the time this was being practiced it was just as easy to sit around playing playstation while on the phone with a telemarketer as not.
[sarcasm] I won't waste my time like that anymore since I have moved on to better more efficient ways to steal from telemarketing companies and working moms.[sarcasm]

 

[Turkbear]

Hi,

But what can you do if a woman tells you she wants to discuss it with her husband?

Sometimes the same kind of comment worked, but , in general, women were much more difficult to persuade/cajole, etc. - There were those in one group I worked with that targeted older women and used what passed for 'charm' with some success..

Bear in mind it is a numbers game, a technique only has to work about 5-10% of the time to be worth using ...



To Paraphrase:"The Help you get is proportional to the Help you give.."

 

[BoxHead]

The worst call I ever got was a couple of days after my first son was born. After delivery, my wife was in terrible shape and it was touch and go for awhile. The nurses had promised to call if there were any changes but urged me to go home to get some rest (and a shower for the first time in 48 hours).

I walked through the house for the first time as a father - trembling at the idea of being a single father - threw myself on the bed a fell asleep.

15 minutes later the phone rang:

TM: "John, this is Cheryl and we have a problem here."
Me: (Thinking frantically, was there a nurse named Cheryl?) "What?! What's the problem?
TM: "Mmmm. Well it doesn't look good."
Me: "What's happened?"
TM: "Well, I was hoping to get you pre-approved for an Equty Line of Credit, but I don't have enough information. Do you own your home, John?"

When I was finished screaming I showered and went back to the hospital.

My wife did recover and three days later, my family came home.

Still, at the moment I realized 'we have a problem here' was a telemarketing gimick, there was a rage unlike any rage I've felt before or since.

I try to be polite to telemarketers and I still have to do some cold-calling of my own, but if I get the slightest hint that it's some "gimmicky come-on", the adrenaline kicks in and I'm going for Cheryl's throat.


For the record: My wife never picks out what I wear. Unless it matters.

 

[jebenson]

BoxHead,

I have a quite similar story, except it was my son who almost died. He had a stroke 36 hours after birth and was in the NICU for about 2 weeks. I was home for the first time in days, with promises from hospital staff, family, etc. to call if ANYTHING happened. Well, the phone rings and its a telemarketer. I don't even recall the product/pitch, but I calmly told the caller that my son was in the hospital, etc., and that I really needed to keep the line free. The poor guy tried again, halfheartedly, and I said, "Did you hear what I just said? I may be getting a life-or-death call at any second, maybe right now. Please get off the line." The guy at least had the courtesy to apologize before he hung up.

I still feel kinda sorry for that guy. I mean, as has been stated already in this thread, he's not evil (as far as I know), but just some schmoe trying to make a living. Still, I'm really, really glad I have Caller ID now.



I used to rock and roll every night and party every day. Then it was every other day. Now I'm lucky if I can find 30 minutes a week in which to get funky. - Homer Simpson

 

[bisawest]

I have a part time job (on top of my full time!) working in a call center (inbound only, I do customer service for Western Union) and the people that do "outbound sales calls" seem to be, for the most part, decent people. The make an hourly wage, but also get commisions based on their sales, so I kind of understand their point. I still hate getting those calls. But, since I have joined the national do not call list, and gotten an unlisted number, I have not received a single call. When I did get them, I would say, "I am not interested, thank you, though" and hang up. They were always still talking as I hung up the phone. I kind of feel bad for them sometimes, but those are the consequences when you choose that line of work. They choose it because it is easy money, and they can make REAL GOOD money. Some of those people can earn thousand dollar bonuses in a month. Not paid for just sitting on you bum all day...

Have a nice day today, and a better day tomorrow!!!

 

[jrbarnett]

Here's another sales experience that left the caller stumped. It happened at the wake of my Grandfather's funeral about 3 1/2 years ago, held in his flat.

My uncle answered the phone:

Caller: "Hello, can I speak to Mr. xxx"
Uncle: "No, I'm sorry you can't"
Caller: "Why not?"
Uncle: "Because he's dead; this is his funeral wake."
Caller: "Oh" <hangs up>

John

 

[jsteph]

Bisawest,
I worked in a call center, and yes they can make very respectable cash. About 10 years ago, I was a consultant at an inbound call center, and I remember out of about 200 call agents there was a core top level group of 5 or 6 who were making over $100K (US) per year--again--10 years ago! They strolled through those halls like rock stars. Further--this was inbound, which is a fundamentally different and easier sale. The burnout rate was still very high though.

The money was really made in the 'upsell'--the inbound callers were really calling for some $9.95 video that was advertised, but the big upsell was, for example, the $129.99 'full' set of videos.

Another common upsell was Fedex Delivery, which cost the fulfillment house about $9 back then. However the cost to the customer was $21.95 (which I later found out was illegal), with fully 50% of that profit going to the call agent. So if you got just 4 people per hour to do Fedex, that's over $20 per hour extra on top of normal hourly + commission.
--Jim

 

[CRilliterate]

I think it can be related to sales speak...
Newspaper add in ethnic newspaper;-D

Call for this great opportunity today!
If you don't speak English - it is OK!
Call and ask for someone who does!
Do not wait any longer! blah blah blah


________________________________________
I am using Windows XP, Crystal Reports 9.0 with SQL Server

 

[tsdragon]

I don't feel badly about just hanging up on telemarketers while they are still talking. If they work on commission I have done them a favor: they're not going to be wasting their valuable time talking to me when they're not going to make a sale.

My favorite telemarketer conversation was with an MCI telemarketer, shortly before Christmas one year:

Me: I wouldn't have MCI if they were the LAST phone company on Earth.
Them: Why?
Me: Because two years ago they laid me off 20 days before Christmas!
Them: Oh.

I'll bet they had a nagging little worry in the back of their mind until Christmas was over.

Tracy Dryden

Meddle not in the affairs of dragons,
For you are crunchy, and good with mustard.

 

[johnherman]

Back to the car dealer thingie. When you are shopping for a car, either new or used, do NOT tell the salesperson you are trading in your vehicle, in fact, tell them you are going to keep it. Then negotiate your best deal, haggle about money, options, etc.

Then, if you do want to trade your vehicle, bring it up now. Salesperson will be upset, because they have no leverage anymore. Say "My (wife/landlord/boyfriend/father/etc (choose one)) insists that I have to trade it". Car salespeople hate when you do this, because they now must tell you what they are going to pay you for your car. Otherwise, they can offer you more for your car earlier in the negotiations because they haven't given in to any of your other demands.

My guess is you will probably want to keep the vehicle or sell it yourself. Personally, I'd rather sell it for $500 to a needy person than get $500 from a dealership who will then sell it for more, even if not in their lot.

-------------------------
The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was - Steven Wright

 

[j0ckser]

i have a neat little gimmick for dealing with telemarketers: my first name. my usual name is an uncommon variation of my given name. anyone who knows me uses my usual name; those who don't use my formal name. there are a few legitimate callers using my formal name, but for the most part, it's easy to tell who's who.

i have been tempted to string a telemarketer along, or pull a fancy scenario like the police-investigate-murder one, but i usually can't remember or i'm tied up with something else, so i just say no or hang up.

re car salespeople - i don't buy cars too often, but i have had quite good luck with MOST of them. however, i do have a choice story:
i was trading in my (recently deceased) father's ford escort, and had given the salesman a list of tests and reports i wanted done to my satisfaction on the used car i was about to buy, AND i had forced the inclusion of these tests and results as part of the contract.

i'm not sure why i ended up talking to the used car manager, but he was really steamed about something and threatened to cancel the deal and keep my deposit unless i showed up within such-and-such a time. i couldn't for the life of me figure out where his head was, but when i got there he was as nice as could be. i think it had to do with my inclusion of the tests in the contract and he didn't notice this before he called me to harass me, but did read it in the meanwhile. i determined at that time i would never do business with that dealership again.

per ardua ad astra

 

[phuzzy42]

I'm in IT and I get 2 or 3 calls a week from people who want me to answer surveys. They're not trying to sell anything and they're calling my place of employment so the Do Not Call registry doesn't come into play. And it's a rare survey that takes less than 20 minutes.

These people are worse than salesmen because they feel free to lie with impugnity. If it's not a company I've dealt with before, the first thing I ask is "Are you taking a survey?" They almost always say "No", then proceed to start asking questions anyway. Usually they're "updating the information they got from me last year." Right.

If they lie to me, I just hang up without saying another word - would you do business with such a company? If they answer truthfully, I politely explain they must first agree in writing to pay for my time and that I'll be happy to send them a contract.

I haven't answered a survey in years.

 

[jsteph]

The "surveys" that we get in IT are typically just pre-sales calls--"casing the joint" to see what we might be needing soon, etc. etc.

If you answer them truthfully, say, you tell them you're to be ugrading your payroll software soon, then magically you get scads of payroll software reps knocking at your door the next week.

We had a particularly cruel person in our dept (no longer here because he treated us this way too), who would deliberately waste their time (and his) by staying on the phone explaining that "we're still on Windows 3.1,...no, we don't have a real network, we just use floppy disks and run it to the next computer. Database software? No, we have a box with 3x5 cards...etc, etc" or for the ever (un) popular telephone system sales people, he'll say, without a hint of the bitter irony "We don't use phones here." and hang up.
--Jim

 

[gbaughma]

I have lots of fun stories. First, regarding Best Buy.

I *LOVE* to go to Best Buy and just "browse" while eavesdropping on the line of BS that their "professionals" are giving people.

Customer: So, what's the difference between a Parallel Cable and a USB Cable? (customer had chosen a printer, and was deciding how to hook it to her computer)
Best Buy: The USB Cable will give you better print quality.
Me: (Coughing)Bullsh*t!

... I just love the way that Best Buy will "make up" answers if they don't know... it just rolls off their tongues so naturally.....

Me: I'm looking for a larger MMC for my cell phone (I don't know WHY nokia decided to use a MMC instead of a SD card... but whatever....)
Best Buy: Do you have the card with you?
Me: Yes. (Opens phone, hands them my 32MB MMC card)
Best Buy: Oh, they're right here. What size do you want?
Me: Those are SD cards.
Best Buy: Same thing.
Me: No, the SD Cards are thicker, and have a different pin configuration.
Best Buy: Really?
Me: Yes. Open the package if you want and you can see the difference.
Best Buy: We can't do that. But this is the right card, it will fit.
.... and on it went, until I walked out.

The manager of a Best Buy in the chicago area (where I used to live) *BEGGED* me to come to work for him, to head the computer repair department. I flat told him, "You can't afford me." He says "Really? We would start you off at the top of the scale..." I said "OK, how much?" He said "$28K a year!" I said "Told you you couldn't afford me."



Just my 2¢

"In order to start solving a problem, one must first identify its owner." --Me
--Greg

 

[CRilliterate]

About surveys...I was sucked into taking one (you know sometimes you talking to a person for 30 min wondering every second WHY haven't I hung up yet?)
and it started like 'how many people in your household' and I was zombyfied for a while until I caught myself answering question 'do you approve Pope to make such a desicion' and I woke up 'wowowow - stop! I am not evaluating religious leaders!!!' and she said 'do you believe this can result harm to your wellbeing in what areas' and THEN I hung up and i am still waiting for someone to come and take me away to somewhere...I would preffer Italy if I will allowed to speak!

________________________________________
I am using Windows XP, Crystal Reports 9.0 with SQL Server

 

[Stella740pl]

"...and I woke up 'wowowow - stop! I am not evaluating religious leaders!!!'... i am still waiting for someone to come and take me away to somewhere..."

You probably haven't waken up fully yet. What country do you live in when you are dreaming? Because in the USA, I didn't hear about anyone taken away these days for evaluating politicians in the mass media (being slapped with a lawsuit -that's a more real possibility), let alone religious leaders over the phone. (I wouldn't hope much for a free vacation abroad, thopugh.)

 

[CRilliterate]

Stella ...lol

________________________________________
I am using Windows XP, Crystal Reports 9.0 with SQL Server

 

[CasperTFG]

Okay I found out what the Haircutting place ad was all about.

It's a Joke. I called and they said that they are an exclusive salon, then never have sales to advertise on the sign so instead they make up funny things to put up...



Casper

There is room for all of gods creatures, "Right Beside the Mashed Potatoes".