Following on...best comedy lines or sketches 1

[Sympology]

A spin on the best Sitcoms thread...what are the best sektches or lines you know..

Amongst them has to be the lines from Blackadder goes forth.

Scene:
Blackadder is facing a courtmarshall. He's dim, side kick is called as a witness.
Goes along the lines of:

Blackadder, pulls Baldrick to oneside "Baldrick, deny everything"
"Are you Private Baldrick"
"No!"

"But you are Captain Blackadder's batman?"
"No."
"Oh, come on, Baldrick -- be a bit more helpful, it's me."
"No, it isn't."


Only the truly stupid believe they know everything.
Stu.. 2004

 

[SantaMufasa]

Oh carp...

That's the first time I've ever seen a breed of fish used as a profanity.

Mufasa
(aka Dave of Sandy, Utah, USA)
[I can provide you with low-cost, remote Database Administration services: see our website and contact me via www.dasages.com]

 

[Gooser]

Apparently, you haven't heard my codpiece.

 

[AlexCuse]

I would have to agree with Dave, that every line just about from The Princess Bride belongs in here. I actually wore out my VHS tape of that movie a few weeks ago. It just snapped! Just in time for the special edition DVD though

I would also have to add the "Argument Clinic" sketch from Monty Python. If you haven't seen, it at least read the script, you snotty-faced heap of parrot droppings!

http://urielw.com/refs/montyargc.htm

You can't beat that for comedy in my book.

Alex



It's a magical time of year in Philadelphia. Eagles training camp marks the end of another brutal season of complaining about the Phillies.

 

[JediBMC]

When you have found the shrubbery, place the shrubbery here, beside this shrubbery ... only slightly higher, so you get a two-level effect with a path through the middle.

-Brian-
Semper Paratus

 

[dgillz]

"I want you to bring us one pitcher of beer every 5 minutes until someone passes out, then bring us one every 7 minutes"

Rodney Dangerfield
Back to School

Software Sales, Training, Implementation and Support for Macola, eSynergy, and Crystal Reports

http://www.gainfocus.biz

"A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
" - unknown

 

[Turkbear]

Hi,
One of my favorites ( especially because I was so surprised it made it past the censors) was in a 'Will and Grace' episode ( they had lots of these get by)..

Jack has decided to have a barbecue and bought an
apron with the usual 'Kiss the Cook' slogan on it..When this is mentioned to him as he has it wrapped around his waist, he says disappointedly,

"Kiss the COOK ??"..Oh Crap".





To Paraphrase:"The Help you get is proportional to the Help you give.."

 

[Zathras]

Re: "Who's on first?" -- There is an excellent, well polished version in the middle of the movie "The Naughty Nineties"

It shows up from time to time on the all-night movie stations. Record it if you get the chance.

Also, don't forget the old recordings of Shelly Berman and Bob Newhart.

 

[donbott]

Moe Howard

Why don't you get a toupee with some brains in it!

DonBott

 

[rolm9751]

And now for somthing completely different"

"Guaranteed to be the life of naughty parties"

Monty Python rules! John Cleese is my absolute favorite. The movie "Clockwise" is hilarious. Faulty Towers is another good one. Thanks AlexCuse for the link to the Argument Clinic script. My friend and I used to perform a facsimile of this sketch using our fake British accents. Very, very funny stuff!

 

[BJCooperIT]

My personal favorite from the Carol Burnett Show was the Scarlett O'Hara skit. After Scarlett (Carol) lost her money she saw Rhett (Harvey Corman) coming up the walk and looked for something to cover her raggedy dress. Time being of the essence, she grabbed the brocade curtains, balanced the curtain rod on her shoulders, draped the curtains around herself and used the tie-back rope as a belt. When Rhett came inside the house, he told her what a lovely dress she had on. She grandly replied: "I saw it hanging in the window and just had to have it!"

Laughed so hard I couldn't breathe...

 

[SilentAiche]

The "down-low" voice is known as bass.

Whether you pronounce it as "big-mouth" bass or "small-mouth" bass depends entirely upon your diction.

And if y'all can't agree, we'll take a fishing poll and, er, count the hookers. No jail bait, please.

Tim



[blue]_______________________________________________________
"Although many figures are strange, prime numbers are truly odd."[/blue]

 

[guitarzan]

you can tell from my handle that I MUST include Spinal Tap in this thread...

"I do not, for one, think that the problem was that the band was down. I think that the problem *may* have been, that there was a Stonehenge monument on the stage that was in danger of being *crushed* by a *dwarf*. Alright? That tended to understate the hugeness of the object."

"I really think you're just making much too big a thing out of it."

"Making a big thing out of it would have been a good idea

 

[AlexCuse]

I watched Princess Bride on TV last night, and I made a point to note the funniest part (in my opinion) for you guys. It is when Wesley encounters Vezzini and tries to negotiate the princess's release:

W: But if there can be no arrangement, we are at an impasse.
V: I'm afraid so, I can't compete with you physically, and you are no match for my brains.
W: You're that smart?
V: Let me put it this way, have you ever heard of Plato, Aristotle, Socrates?
W: Yes
V: Morons!

The ensuing 'battle of wits' is hilarious as well, as is the remaining hour of the film. And the preceding one...

I sense a new signature coming soon...

Alex






It's a magical time of year in Philadelphia. Eagles training camp marks the end of another brutal season of complaining about the Phillies.

 

[Sympology]

Spinal taps greatest has to the amp sketch. The whole, yeah but this has 11...

Only the truly stupid believe they know everything.
Stu.. 2004

 

[SantaMufasa]

Alex,

Regarding "Princess Bride", our family's favourite/funniest part is very close to your funniest part.

You must first understand that my brother not only physically resembles Vizzini, but he grew up with a lisp (like Vizzini's), and my brother is a Professor of English, Latin, and Philosophy (and gets as wound up in his rhetoric and logic as does Vizzini). So, when Vizzini gets wound up recounting his reasoning for choosing which vial contains the Iocaine poison, and Wesley observes, "Truly, you have a dizzying intellect," everyone watching the show cries out, in unison, "Uncle Murray!!!", and rolls on the floor laughing.

Mufasa
(aka Dave of Sandy, Utah, USA)
[I can provide you with low-cost, remote Database Administration services: see our website and contact me via www.dasages.com]

 

[2ffat]

Every time my PC has an error it says," Inconceivable!" When I shut it down, it says, "Inconceivable! You keep using that word, I don't think it means what you think it means." Yes, the voices are from the movie.


James P. Cottingham
-----------------------------------------
[sup]I'm number 1,229!
I'm number 1,229![/sup]

 

[AlexCuse]

James -

Where did you get those sound clips?? I would like my machine a lot more if it would amuse me a bit when it chokes on something!

Alex


It's a magical time of year in Philadelphia. Eagles training camp marks the end of another brutal season of complaining about the Phillies.

 

[jebenson]

Best In Show, all of the scenes between Parker Posey's character (Meg Swan) and her husband Hamilton Swan (played by Michael Hitchcock). They are the nervous, uptight yuppies with the nervous, uptight Weimeraner (sp?). The scene where they lose the dog's favorite chew toy is priceless.



I used to rock and roll every night and party every day. Then it was every other day. Now I'm lucky if I can find 30 minutes a week in which to get funky. - Homer Simpson

Arrrr, mateys! Ye needs ta be preparin' yerselves fer Talk Like a Pirate Day! Ye has a choice: talk like a pira

 

[2ffat]

AlexCuse,
Do a search for "movie sound clips princess bride" and you will find a lot of sites that have them. I suppose that I ought to change my startup sound from the first stanza of Phatom of the Opera to "Get used to disappointment." ;-)




James P. Cottingham
-----------------------------------------
[sup]I'm number 1,229!
I'm number 1,229![/sup]

 

[KenCunningham]

From Spitting Image:

Margaret Thatcher and her Cabinet are in a restaurant. After Thatcher proclaims "Steak, I'll have the steak", the waitress asks: "And what about the vegetables?", to which Thatcher replied: "Oh, they'll have the same as me."

Absolutely unmissable at one time, it's a shame it degenerated somewhat towards the end.



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