Following on...best comedy lines or sketches 1

[Sympology]

A spin on the best Sitcoms thread...what are the best sektches or lines you know..

Amongst them has to be the lines from Blackadder goes forth.

Scene:
Blackadder is facing a courtmarshall. He's dim, side kick is called as a witness.
Goes along the lines of:

Blackadder, pulls Baldrick to oneside "Baldrick, deny everything"
"Are you Private Baldrick"
"No!"

"But you are Captain Blackadder's batman?"
"No."
"Oh, come on, Baldrick -- be a bit more helpful, it's me."
"No, it isn't."


Only the truly stupid believe they know everything.
Stu.. 2004

 

[columb]

If you're my age (53) and British then there's only one contender

No one expects the Spanish Inquisition

Ceci n'est pas une signature
Columb Healy

 

[jebenson]

Quite right, columb!

There's also spam spam spam spam spam spam baked beans spam spam spam...

I used to rock and roll every night and party every day. Then it was every other day. Now I'm lucky if I can find 30 minutes a week in which to get funky. - Homer Simpson

Arrrr, mateys! Ye needs ta be preparin' yerselves fer Talk Like a Pirate Day! Ye has a choice: talk like a pira

 

[ChrisHunt]

Your right leg I like. I like your right leg. A lovely leg for the role...

Going back even further than the blessed Monty Python, [url

http://www.epicure.demon.co.uk/alegtoofew.html

]this is one of my favourite sketches[/url]

-- Chris Hunt
Webmaster & Tragedian
Extra Connections Ltd

 

[SantaMufasa]

...And who can forget Monty Python's Black Knight after King Arthur dismembered Knight's arms and legs:

Black Knight: Get back here and fight like a man.
Arthur: But I've cut off your arms and your legs.
Knight: It's just a flesh wound.

Mufasa
(aka Dave of Sandy, Utah, USA)
[I can provide you with low-cost, remote Database Administration services: see our website and contact me via www.dasages.com]

 

[RCorrigan]

Mini-me was running around the living room the other day shouting "Ni Ni Ni" .... it cracked me up !!!!

(BTW he has been subjected to MP on the 2hr each-way drives we do at the weekends !!!!)

<Do I need A Signature or will an X do?>

 

[Gooser]

From Pulp Fiction not generally considered a comedy, but I always laugh my a off at this exchange:

LANCE I just hope I still have it. Whaddya think of Trudi? She ain't got a boyfriend, wanna hand out an' get high?

VINCENT Which one's Trudi? The one with all the sh__ in her face?

LANCE No, that's Jody. That's my wife.

--Gooser

 

[guitarzan]

ChrisHunt

My parents had a best-of album of Peter Cook/Dudley Moore... I had forgotten how GREAT they were, thanks for reminding me of them... My favorite has always been the Frog and Peach.

(when asked about the menu...)

Peter Cook: Oh dear, I should know this by heart after 50 years. Oh yes. First of all, there is Frog a la Peche. Frog a la Peche is basically a large frog, covered in boiling cointreau, with a peach... stuck in its mouth. It's one of the most disgusting things I've ever seen. The only alternative to Frog a la Peche is even worse... Peche a la Frog! For Peche a la Frog, a peach is brought to your table by the waiter, again covered in boiling cointreau -

Dudley Moore: The waiter?

Peter Cook: Very often, yes! Very often the waiter IS, alas, covered in boiling cointreau! But the policy here... the policy... is to aim the cointreau... at the peach! That is the policy.

Dudley Moore: So that is the policy?

Peter Cook: Oh yes, that is very much the policy. Anyway, the peach is then sliced open down the middle to reveal... oh my god... about three hundred squiggling black tadpoles. Blblblblblbluuurrrgh. It is the most nauseating sight I have ever seen. It's enough to put you off your food.

Dudley Moore: Quite.

Peter Cook: Which is a damn good thing considering what the food is like.

 

[Turkbear]

Hi,
Almost as bad as Monty Python's 'Crunchy Frog' sketch..

( what is is about frogs ...?)






To Paraphrase:"The Help you get is proportional to the Help you give.."

 

[Gooser]

Hey, leave the French alone!

 

[Turkbear]

Hi,

I somehow knew that was coming..
( Must be spending too much time here)





To Paraphrase:"The Help you get is proportional to the Help you give.."

 

[jebenson]

From Friends:

The gang is watching old home videos of Monica when she was younger...and very fat. In the video, Courtney Cox (Monica) is wearing a fat suit.

Monica: You know, the camera adds ten pounds....

Chandler: How many cameras were pointing at you?


And this observation, also from Friends:

Chandler: Donald Duck doesn't wear pants, but when he comes out of the shower he has a towel wrapped around his waist. What's up with that?



I used to rock and roll every night and party every day. Then it was every other day. Now I'm lucky if I can find 30 minutes a week in which to get funky. - Homer Simpson

Arrrr, mateys! Ye needs ta be preparin' yerselves fer Talk Like a Pirate Day! Ye has a choice: talk like a pira

 

[SilentAiche]

The Carol Burnett Show - Tim Conway's bit about the Siamese elephants (joined at the trunk, and his description of them sneezing).

You nailed it. One of the funniest scenes ever.

Thanks for the memory!

Tim


[blue]_______________________________________________________
"Although many figures are strange, prime numbers are truly odd."[/blue]

 

[Dagon]

My favourite has to be the "Wilma Flintstone" sketch from Red Dwarf:

Lister: D'ya think Wilma's sexy?
Cat: Wilma Flintstone?
Lister: Maybe we've been alone in deep space too long, but every time I see that body, it drives me crazy. Is it me?
Cat: Well, I think in all probability, Wilma Flintstone is the most desirable woman that ever lived.
Lister: That's good. I thought I was going strange.
Cat: She's incredible!
Lister: What d'ya think of Betty?
Cat: Betty Rubble? Well, I would go with Betty... but I'd be thinking of Wilma.
Lister: This is crazy. Why are we talking about going to bed with Wilma Flintstone?
Cat: You're right. We're nuts. This is an insane conversation.
Lister: She'll never leave Fred, and we know it.

 

[Golom]

WKRP in Cincinnati, following an abortive attempt to drop live turkeys from a helicopter into a parking lot full of shoppers as a Thanksgiving stunt ...

[blue]
As God is my witness
I really thought turkeys could fly.
[/blue]​

 

[Sympology]

Of course 90% of MP's Life of Brian.

He's not the messiah, he's a very naughty boy...

Only the truly stupid believe they know everything.
Stu.. 2004

 

[Sympology]

oh carp, i realise what I may of just started....

Only the truly stupid believe they know everything.
Stu.. 2004

 

[CorBlimeyLimey]

I'm suprised no-one has mentioned the "Who's on First" sketch.

[Cheers]

 

[Gooser]

Always look on the bright side of life...

 

[gbaughma]

What's on second?



Just my 2¢

"In order to start solving a problem, one must first identify its owner." --Me
--Greg

http://parallel.tzo.com

 

[Lunatic]

Generally I don't like MadTV and find it less humerous than SNL, however one of the first sketches I ever saw on MadTV dealt with a drunk being elected president. His rise to the presidency, his public policy decisions, his nation building (Add 3 states to the USA, including winning World War III in 5 minutes) narrated by a dead-serious secret service agent struck me as one of the funniest sketches I've ever seen.

The best line of the whole thing though was:

(roughly, its been 8 years or more since I saw it)
Hung-over President: "I really said frickin on national TV?"
Secret Service Agent: "No sir, but I'm a Morman"

The deadpan was great.