Ways to wind up tele sales people 13

[MeGustaXL]

Brringg-Brringg!

Me: Yellow?

Cold Caller: Hi, can I speak to Mister ...er.. [mispronounce my easy-to-say surname]?

Me: Speaking!

CC: If I could save you 80 pounds a month on your phone bills, would you say that was a good deal?

Me: Yes

CC: How much do you spend on mobile phone calls per month?

Me: Nothing

CC: Excuse me? How much?

Me: [trying to keep smile from voice] Nothing. Zero.

CC: Well, I have a fantastic offer for you then! You get the Whiz-Bang Latest Model Phone, 1,000 free texts and 500 free minutes, all at the incredible introductory price of 15 pounds 80 for the first three months! Can I take your details?

Me: No. Are you saying that I'd have to pay 15 pounds for things which are free anyway, and which I already do not have any use for?

CC: Would you like that by overnight delivery for an extra three pounds fifty?

Me:

Etc. etc... Until boredom sets in

Chris

Rule One: NEVER volunteer - My Dad

 

[Trevoke]

Brringg-Brringg!

Me: Yellow?

Cold Caller: Hi, can I speak to Mister ...er.. [mispronounce my easy-to-say surname]?

Me: Speaking!

CC: If I could save you 80 pounds a month on your phone bills, would you say that was a good deal?

Me: Will you marry me? [Thankfully this works on both genders.]

CC: What?!

Me: You don't really expect me to divulge my financial information to somebody I don't know, do you?

____________________________
Or, the wonderful random calls, you wonder how these happen..

Brrringg-Briiinnng!

[At 3am or so]

My father : Mmyes?

CC : Congratulations, you just won a patch of land in Graveyard X!

My father : Have it delivered at my doorstep.

*hangs up*

"That time in Seattle... was a nightmare. I came out of it dead broke, without a house, without anything except a girlfriend and a knowledge of UNIX."
"Well, that's something," Avi says. "Normally those two are mutually exclusive."
-- Neal Stephenson, "Cryptonomicon"

 

[rjoubert]

This was an honest mistake, but it worked...

Brringg-Brringg!

Me: Yellow?

Cold Caller: Hi, can I speak to Mister ...er.. [mispronounce my often butchered surname]?

Me: Speaking!

CC: I'm calling to offer you a great deal on our daily newspaper [rambles on about the deal]?

Me: Jeff, is that you?

CC: No sir, I'm calling from the [town name] news.

Me: Yeah right, I know it's you Jeff...nice try!

CC [getting noticeably frustrated]: No, I assure you sir, my name is NOT Jeff...I am calling from the [town name] news.

Me: C'mon Jeff, stop messing around. I know it's you!

CC: <hang up>

 

[DataDog]

I'm getting really sick and tired of all this bashing of telemarketers in this Forum!

Remember they are people too!

They have Feelings!

They have Parents too!

('course their Parents weren't married when they were born which makes them all bast......)

Oh, Never mind.

DataDog
"Failure Is Not An Option'

 

[Ladyazh]

I just thought of something...have you ever seen job posting for a telemarketers? What does it look like?

Now Hiring!!!
People who are nice, sensitive, educated, logical, taking 'no' for an answer DO NOT NEED TO APPLY!

Earning - Half of the pray.

 

[donbott]

Hey y'all this is a lot of fun


Guess what I do for a living?

DonBott

 

[gbaughma]

Hey y'all this is a lot of fun


Guess what I do for a living?
DonBott

Hmmm... about 50 answers popped into my head on THIS one....

1) Annoy people at dinner?
2) Think every day about another line of work?
3) Don't take "no" for an answer?
4) Look at every "no" as a "sales opportunity", once educating the potential lead?
5) Get hung up on a lot?

.... hehe....



Just my 2¢

"In order to start solving a problem, one must first identify its owner." --Me
--Greg

http://parallel.tzo.com

 

[Ladyazh]

Is this a forum for Cold Callers also? I was positive DonBott was an IT professional...what a surprise!

 

[Trevoke]

I guess 'Technical User' could mean 'knows how to use a phone'..
Or am I too cynical?

"That time in Seattle... was a nightmare. I came out of it dead broke, without a house, without anything except a girlfriend and a knowledge of UNIX."
"Well, that's something," Avi says. "Normally those two are mutually exclusive."
-- Neal Stephenson, "Cryptonomicon"

 

[Lunatic]

He could be responsible for programming or overseeing the dialing program...

 

[AnotherHiggins]

I know you are just teasing, but a quick look at donbott 's profile should disabuse you of any thoughts that his technical knowledge is limited to dialing a phone.

[tt]_____
[blue]-John[/blue][/tt]
[tab][red]The plural of anecdote is not data[/red]

Help us help you. Please read FAQ181-2886 before posting.

 

[donbott]

It's true, I work on phone systems and automatic dialers. Our business is mostly inbound calling, and the outbound that we do is to customers or people who have contacted our clints first. Used to do some of the cold calling but got away from it.

At a party if someone asks me what I do I say I'm a telemarketer - what's your number? Always good for a laff.

DonBott

 

[tsdragon]

I'm a telemarketer - what's your number?

That has GOT to be the best line I've ever heard for getting rid of someone you don't want to talk to! I'll have to remember that one!

Tracy Dryden

Meddle not in the affairs of dragons,
For you are crunchy, and good with mustard.

 

[Ladyazh]

Trevoke - star! DonBott - you already have a star and fair one too it was too funny!

 

[Gooser]

Brringg-Brringg!

Me: Yellow?

Cold Caller: Hi, can I speak to Mister ...er.. [mispronounce my French last name 'au' makes an 'O' sound, moron]?

Me: Speaking!

CC: I'm calling to offer you a great deal on blah blah, blah-blah yadda-yadda[rambles on about the deal]?

Me: Let me give you my number at work, that way both of us can get paid for the call.

 

[phish20002003]

Brringg-Brringg!

Me: Yellow?

Cold Caller: Hi, can I speak to Mister ...er.. [mispronounce my easy-to-say surname]?

Me: Chicken!

CC: umm. If I could save you 80 pounds a month on your phone bills, would you say that was a good deal?

Me: Have you accepted jesus christ as your personal lord and savior.

CC: Click.

-phish

 

[aarenot]

ok, here are a few that work for me.

Cold Caller: Hi, can I speak to Mister ...er.. [mispronounce my easy-to-say surname]?

me in a bright cheery voicemail auto attendant kind of voice;
thank you for calling hot dates sex chat lines press 1 for men seeking ladies, 2 for ladies seeking men, 3 for men seeking men, 4 for ladies seeking ladies 5 to listen in on other peoples sex chat calls, 6 to hear a duck quack, and 7 to be berated for being a pervert telemarketer who is being paid to interupt peoples dinner and thinks he is going to hear some nasty , dirty sex chat while sitting in his cubicle with his beeep in his hand. i hope you wash the handset off before the next shift comes in.

most of them press when they hear the 6 option, then hang up when they realize you are messing with them.

i have a convincing auto attendant voice as i install phone systems, and have my voice on about 300 voicemails as the person who records the prompts.

or,

dial a speed dial on your phone if possible, so it sounds like a dialer dialed the phone call, and you are a cold caller. then ask them for the person who makes the decisions on the phone bill, and try to sell them long distance service.

 

[sha76]

Brilliant! If only I could keep from laughing for long enough to fool them!

"Your rock is eroding wrong." -Dogbert

 

[Ladyazh]

aarenot, I do not believe anyone will dial 6. Are you making it up?

 

[KornGeek]

I've actually heard a voice mail system with the "duck quack" option (and yes, I pressed 6 and heard a duck quack), but I can't remember where it was.

Where does this come from, and is there any point to it?

 

[aarenot]

no, i have a couple customers who in my training, i had that set up as an option, and they actually had me leave it in. this was a pre-cut over training session for administrators, to train on recording, and recording their actual prompts for the voicemail, or ivr. not a live system, when callers hear press 6 to hear a duck quack on the live systems, the call accounting software shows the most likley selection for a first time caller to the system was to hear a duck quack on both of thier systems.

i think they want to see if they will actually hear a duck quack, not thinking it is a real option. mind you, both of these customers were the creative stable type offices, with artsy, or marketing type business.

come on, seriously, if you heard press 6 to hear a duck quack, would you press 6, probably.