Ways to wind up tele sales people 13

[MeGustaXL]

Brringg-Brringg!

Me: Yellow?

Cold Caller: Hi, can I speak to Mister ...er.. [mispronounce my easy-to-say surname]?

Me: Speaking!

CC: If I could save you 80 pounds a month on your phone bills, would you say that was a good deal?

Me: Yes

CC: How much do you spend on mobile phone calls per month?

Me: Nothing

CC: Excuse me? How much?

Me: [trying to keep smile from voice] Nothing. Zero.

CC: Well, I have a fantastic offer for you then! You get the Whiz-Bang Latest Model Phone, 1,000 free texts and 500 free minutes, all at the incredible introductory price of 15 pounds 80 for the first three months! Can I take your details?

Me: No. Are you saying that I'd have to pay 15 pounds for things which are free anyway, and which I already do not have any use for?

CC: Would you like that by overnight delivery for an extra three pounds fifty?

Me:

Etc. etc... Until boredom sets in

Chris

Rule One: NEVER volunteer - My Dad

 

[Lunatic]

Stu... It took me a double read to understand what you had done... but once I understood... that is hilarious!

 

[mjldba]

Easiest way to get rid of cold-call telemarketers is to ask them for money, here's how:

ring - ring

me: hello

them: Good afternoon, may I speak to Mr. Blah-Blah

me: speaking

them: Hi Mr. Blah-blah, I'm calling on behalf of The Charity to End All Charities and I'd like to ask for whatever donation you can spare to feed the hungry, the poor, the forgotten of society.

me: This must me my lucky day, I'm sure glad that you called because I just lost my job due to my former employer's off-shore out-sourcing initiative and I could use a little help from your charity. I'm finding it tough to keep-up with the mortgage and heating bills, especially with winter approa .....

them: click

me: hello? hello?

 

[AnotherHiggins]

Greg,

Sorry you got my call.

[tt]_____
[blue]-John[/blue][/tt]
[tab][red]The plural of anecdote is not data[/red]

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[GwydionM]

At the first attempt, I politely said I was on the no-telesales list. When they rang back, I just said 'No' and put the phone down. So far, no more hassle.

------------------------------
An old man who lives in the UK

 

[Ladyazh]

gbaughma and mjldba, thanks I can't stop laughing out loud.

How about
Brringg-Brringg!

Me: Yellow?

Cold Caller: Hi, is this is[mispronounce my easy-to-say FIRST name]?

Me: (Using loud scary voice)By the way you pronouncing my FIRST name it is obvious to me that we had NEVER met NOR had any business relationship ever with you...so would you mind explaining reason for your call?

CC: Oh, I am a President of PTO of the school your daughter is at and I was calling to thank you for joining Parents-Teacher organization in our school...

Me: Passed out on a floor from shame (or wish I did)

 

[mmerlinn]

Brringg-Brringg!

Me: Yellow?

Cold Caller: Hi, can I speak to Mister ...er.. [mispronounce my easy-to-say surname]?

Me: Are you selling something? (This is business line and cold calls are illegal on it.)

CC: No. Blah-blah-blah ...

Me: Then, what are you buying?

CC: Nothing. Blah-blah-blah ...

Me: Then you must be soliciting for a charity.

CC: No. Blah-blah-blah ...

Me: In that case, if you are not selling, not buying, and not soliticiting donations, then you must be giving something away!!! Fantastic!!! Let me give you our mailing address!!! (Really don't care what it is. Free is free. lol.)

CC: Click.

**********

Every once in a while I get a wild hair and manage to keep the cold caller on the line for an hour or more. By the time they finally hang up on me they are so confused that they have no idea which way is up.


mmerlinn

"Political correctness is the BADGE of a COWARD!"

 

[SilentAiche]

Brringg-Brringg! {at home, in the evening, early Spring}

Me: Hello?

Cold Caller: Hi, can I speak to Mister ...er.. [correctly pronounces my easy-to-say surname which MY family pronounces differently]?

Me: This is he. May I help you?

Cold Caller: (insert long nearly orgasmic spiel about beach lodgings this summer, etc...)

Me: Sounds amazing! Do you accept Food Stamps?

Cold Caller: "click"



tim
(true story)


[blue]_____________________________________________
"As a former farmer, I measure my produce in onces."[/blue]

 

[AnotherHiggins]

I got a call once several years ago that went something like this:

Brringg-Brringg!

Me: Yellow?

Cold Caller: Hi, can I speak to John?
[tab](I hate it when they start off using your first name and being really friendly, making you sit there trying to place the voice before finally realizing that it's a sales call)

Me: This is John.

CC: Blah-blah-blah .... (They have an amazing deal on magazines for me today)

Me: How amazing is 'amazing'?

CC: You can select any three from (list of respectable magazine names) for a considerable savings off of the newsstand prices!

Me: How much?

CC: the newsstand price is about $5 per issue apiece. That's $15 dollars a week. We'll give you all three for only $5 per week total!!! That's a 66% savings!!!!!!!

Me: (Doing math in my head, but speaking out loud) So that's $5 per Week. There's 52 weeks in a year. That's $260 per year. Divided by three - that's over $85 per year per magazine. Going directly through the magazine you can usually get offers at $35 or less per year. Yours doesn't seem like a very good price, does it?

CC: Ummmmmmmmmmmmm.
[tab](I really don't think she had ever stopped and done the math - she seemed genuinely surprised)

_____

I put my old phone number on the Do Not Call list and was happy not to get calls during dinner. But, to tell you the truth, I kind of missed the telemarketers. I enjoyed listening to their spiels and pointing out why they weren't a good deal.

As I mentioned earlier, I now have vonage. They didn't port my old number over (grumble grumble), so my new number isn't on the Do Not Call list, but I very, very rarely get a sales call now.

_____

Another favorite of mine: the calls from the Fraternal Order of the Police.

CC: (paraphrasing) Come on.... Cops put their lives on the line for you. Won't you give a little something back?

Me: Are you a police officer?

CC: Well, um.... No.

ME: Are you a volunteer or are you paid to make these calls.

CC: Ummmmmmm.
[tab](There's your answer)

Me: What percentage of donations goes to police officers or the families of wounded officers?

CC: I don't have that information in front of me....

I basically keep asking pointed questions that make the CC feel uncomfortable until they give up.

[tt]_____
[blue]-John[/blue][/tt]
[tab][red]The plural of anecdote is not data[/red]

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[Ladyazh]

SilentAiche , too funny!

anotherhiggins ,
"What percentage of donations goes to police officers or the families of wounded officers?"

If this is poitless question what isn't?

 

[tsdragon]

A former boss of mine donated blood through one of the local blood services groups. After that they would not stop calling and asking him to donate again. In an effort to stop the calls (and without my boss' knowledge) the receptionist told them that he could no longer donate blood as he had tested positive for Hepatitis. This is NOT a good idea! Apparently the blood service panicked and issued a recall on all the blood and/or blood products he had ever donated! They called him to find out when he had tested positive of Hepatitis and he explained the situation to them, but the damage had already been done, and they were NOT amused.

Moral: While it can be fun to f*** with telemarketers and cold-callers, be careful what you tell them. It just might come back to bite you.

Tracy Dryden

Meddle not in the affairs of dragons,
For you are crunchy, and good with mustard.

 

[Trevoke]

LadyAzh : Not 'pointless' but 'pointed'

"That time in Seattle... was a nightmare. I came out of it dead broke, without a house, without anything except a girlfriend and a knowledge of UNIX."
"Well, that's something," Avi says. "Normally those two are mutually exclusive."
-- Neal Stephenson, "Cryptonomicon"

 

[AnotherHiggins]

Ladyazh - Not "pointless questions", "pointed questions".

Tim - "Food Stamps". That's brilliant!

Stu - That's terrific. And I can use it!!

I still occasionally get calls for an employee who was fired - *looks around for HR* er, mean, "became not eligible for rehire" - about two years ago. I have a direct line from the outside; no extension needed. This phone number never belonged to him, was never used by the front desk and was never used by HR. I don't know why he would have given out this phone number, but apparently he did. I'm pretty sure these are collection agencies calling, though I never get into it with them. I usually just say, "no one by that name works at this company," and they hang up. But the calls still come. I'm using Stu's trick next time I get a call for this guy.

[tt]_____
[blue]-John[/blue][/tt]
[tab][red]The plural of anecdote is not data[/red]

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[gbaughma]

Greg,

Sorry you got my call.

You mean YOU were looking for John, saying he had a nice a$$ and package? <ROFLMAO>



Just my 2¢

"In order to start solving a problem, one must first identify its owner." --Me
--Greg

http://parallel.tzo.com

 

[AnotherHiggins]

NO, no, no.

NO, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

That isn't at all what I meant to imply.



[tt]_____
[blue]-John[/blue][/tt]
[tab][red]The plural of anecdote is not data[/red]

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[KornGeek]

I don't understand why some people get so angry with telemarketers. Remember, they are there for your amusement. If they didn't want to be your playthings, they wouldn't have called. I like to make up new games and set goals for myself.

One of my favorites is to see how long I can drag out the call without them hanging up. I keep asking them to repeat everything 3 or 4 times, ask for clarification on minor points, and in general pretend to be an interested, but highly annoying prospect. You can tell how torn they are between wanting to get off the phone and thinking they have a live one.

One of my favorites...

Me: Hello?
CC: Hi, may I speak to Mr. (Correctly pronounce my easy to pronounce surname)?
Me: Speaking.
CC: I'm calling on behalf of telephone company X with a great offer for you today.
Me: Go on.
CC: <Insert long, boring sales speach given with false enthusiasm.>
Me: Is that the best you can do?
CC: Excuse me?
Me: Why don't you try that again.
CC: <Repeat sales speach.>
Me: I think you can do better than that.
[At this point, she starts laughing, wishes me a good day, and hangs up.]

One time I did get angry was when I was at my mother's house, on Mother's Day, and saw from the caller ID that it was a telemarketer. My brothers suggest I ignore it, but I wanted to make my point.

Me: Hello?
CC: Hi, may I please speak with Mrs. (correctly pronounce my easy to pronounce surname)?
Me: May I ask who's calling?
CC: I'm calling from (some company I couldn't be bothered to remember).
Me: Come on, give me a break. Do you really think you should be doing this today?
CC: It's not my decision.
Me: Sure it is. Call in sick next time. <hang up>

 

[gbaughma]

NO, no, no.

NO, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

That isn't at all what I meant to imply.


_____
-John

OH! *YOU* are John! BTW, Stephanie says you have a nice a$$ and package.....



Just my 2¢

"In order to start solving a problem, one must first identify its owner." --Me
--Greg

http://parallel.tzo.com

 

[MeGustaXL]

KornGeek - that's exactly what I like to do!

You can tell how torn they are between wanting to get off the phone and thinking they have a live one.

Getting them to 'try again' is the nuts; I'm gonna do it next time! = STAR

Chris

Rule Two: What's in it for me? - My Dad

 

[zarkon4]

Soem years ago, I kept getting calls from long distance companys to change to them, at one point they were even giving/paying to have you switch. I had made about 250.00 dollars in 4 months doing this. I didn't even make long distance calls. I can still remember one conversation with the telesales person,

Telesales: We'll give you $30.00 to switch to us.

me: well, company x gave me 40.00 to switch.

Telesales: I believe we can match that, would you be willing to switch if we could?

me: I'll tell you what, you give me $50.00 and I will.

Telesales: Let me check with my supervisor.....{on hold}....
Yes, we can.

me: Great {cha-ching}

 

[MeGustaXL]

<Nee-Nar-Nee-Nar!... Screech!> <- the sound of the Fraud Squad arriving at zarkon4's house

Chris

Rule Two: What's in it for me? - My Dad

 

[DirkStruan]

Great thread and with some great ideas. My twisted mind volunteers:

Brringg-Brringg!

Me: Yellow?

Cold Caller: Hi, can I speak to Mister ...er.. [mispronounce my easy-to-say surname]?

Me: Speaking!

CC: If I could save you 80 pounds a month on your phone bills, would you say that was a good deal?

Me: It certainly does and I'd like to hear more, but first....what you're wearing?.................hello? hello?

D