Ways to wind up tele sales people 13

[MeGustaXL]

Brringg-Brringg!

Me: Yellow?

Cold Caller: Hi, can I speak to Mister ...er.. [mispronounce my easy-to-say surname]?

Me: Speaking!

CC: If I could save you 80 pounds a month on your phone bills, would you say that was a good deal?

Me: Yes

CC: How much do you spend on mobile phone calls per month?

Me: Nothing

CC: Excuse me? How much?

Me: [trying to keep smile from voice] Nothing. Zero.

CC: Well, I have a fantastic offer for you then! You get the Whiz-Bang Latest Model Phone, 1,000 free texts and 500 free minutes, all at the incredible introductory price of 15 pounds 80 for the first three months! Can I take your details?

Me: No. Are you saying that I'd have to pay 15 pounds for things which are free anyway, and which I already do not have any use for?

CC: Would you like that by overnight delivery for an extra three pounds fifty?

Me:

Etc. etc... Until boredom sets in

Chris

Rule One: NEVER volunteer - My Dad

 

[SkipVought]

[tt]
Brringg-Brringg!

Me: Yellow?

Cold Caller: Hi, can I speak to Mister ...er.. [mispronounce my easy-to-say surname]?

Me: Speaking!

CC: If I could save you 80 pounds a month on your phone bills, would you say that was a good deal?

Me: Look, I have to tell you right up front that I'd be very glad to listen to your sales spiel, but my listening fee is 2 pounds a minute. Will you agree to that?

CC: I'm talking about a deal that could save you 80 pounds a month!

Me: I'll need a purchase order number and a supervisor's confirmation, in order to continue talking. with you.

...
[/tt]


Skip,

_[red][/red]

 

[rjoubert]

Brringg-Brringg!

Me: Midvale School for the Blind.

Cold Caller: Hi, can I speak to Mister ...er.. [mispronounce my easy-to-say surname]?

Me: Sorry, I don't see him.


OR...


Brringg-Brringg!

Me: Midvale School for the Deaf.

Cold Caller: Hi, can I speak to Mister ...er.. [mispronounce my easy-to-say surname]?

Me: Midvale School for the Deaf.

 

[MeGustaXL]

Brringg-Brringg!

Me: Yellow?

Cold Caller: Hi, can I speak to Mister ...er.. [mispronounce my easy-to-say surname]?

Me: Speaking!

CC: Did you know that nearly 90 percent of your heating escapes through the roof of your house?

Me: [incredulous voice] That's impossible!

CC: Astounding isn't it? But poor loft insulation could be costing you thousands in wasted heat, and ...[goes off into sales pitch]

Me: No, No, I mean it's impossible because I live in a basement flat!

CC: <Click! Whirrr...>

Chris

Rule One: NEVER volunteer - My Dad

 

[MeGustaXL]

rjoubert:
[switch off PC-chip] !!

[switch on PC-chip]

Chris

Rule One: NEVER volunteer - My Dad

 

[MeGustaXL]

Brringg-Brringg!

Me: [adopting fake Indian accent, a la Peter Sellers] "Mytown Balti Hut"

CC: Hi, can I speak to Mister ...er.. [mispronounce my easy-to-say surname]?

Me: [almost sniggering] Very sorry Sir, nobody here by that name - can I take your order please?

CC: <Click! Whirrr...>

Chris

Rule One: NEVER volunteer - My Dad

 

[DataDog]

Brringg-Brringg!

Me: Yellow?

Cold Caller: Hi, can I speak to Mister Smith?

Me: Junior or Senior?

CC: (no matter whether he says Junior, Senior, or "The one Responsible for ....."

Me: Sorry, Not here, won't be back for a year.


CC: <Click!>

DataDog
"Failure Is Not An Option'

 

[jrbarnett]

Brringg-Brringg!

Me: Hello?

Cold Caller: Hi, Is that Mister ...er.. [mispronounce my easy-to-say surname]?

Me: Speaking!

CC: I'm calling on behalf of <mobile phone company>. Do you have a mobile phone?

Me: Yes, but I'm quite happy with it and have no intention of changing.

CC: Can I ask if it is pay as you go or a contract phone?

Me: You can ask but I won't tell you, as its none of your business.

CC: Well, I have a fantastic offer for you then! You get the Whiz-Bang Latest Model Phone, 1,000 free texts and 500 free minutes, all at the incredible introductory price of 15 pounds 80 for the first three months! Can I take your details?

Me: No. I spend far less than £15.80 per month on my phone. Anyway, I'm registered with the telephone preference service. You shouldn't have called me and this call will be reported to them. Goodbye.
<hang up>

Writes down details of calls - then reports to TPS.

John

 

[AnotherHiggins]

Two scenarios I run into periodically​

1)

Brringg-Brringg!

Me: Hello?

Cold Caller: Hi, Is that Mister ...er.. [mispronounce my easy-to-mispronounce surname]?

Me: Speaking!

CC: I'm calling on behalf of <mobile phone company>. Do you have a mobile phone?

Me: Why, yes, I do.

CC: If I could save you 80 dollars a month on your phone bills, would you say that was a good deal?

Me: I'd say that would be an amazing deal!! I currently don't pay a thing, so would your company actually pay me to use your phone?!?

CC: Er.... You don't pay anything[/]?

ME: Nope. It's provided through work.

CC: <Click!>

__________​

2)

Brringg-Brringg!

Me: Hello?

Cold Caller: Hi, Is that Mister ...er.. [mispronounce my easy-to-mispronounce surname]?

Me: Speaking!

CC: I'm calling on behalf of <local cable company>. Have you heard about Internet Telephone service?

Me: Yes I have!

CC: Great! Is this something you think you might be interested in?

Me: Most definitely!

CC: Terrific! If you sign up now, we can set you up with our VOIP service for only $40 per month, [blah blah blah]!

Me: I've actually been with Vonage for about two years now and only pay $15 / month for all of that. In fact, I checked with your company back when I first got VOIP and....

CC: <Click!>

Me: .... you didn't even provide it yet.... Hello?

[tt]_____
[blue]-John[/blue][/tt]
[tab][red]The plural of anecdote is not data[/red]

Help us help you. Please read FAQ181-2886 before posting.

 

[MeGustaXL]

Ooooh John, aren't you getting slightly wound up, rather than the TeleSales person? The idea is to have a leg-pull at their (considerable) expense?

After all, if they've bothered to call me from Mumbai or Addis Ababa or wherever, the least I can do is play a bit with them; help them improve their English language skills, etc.

Chris

Rule One: NEVER volunteer - My Dad

 

[DataDog]

Brringg-Brringg!

Me: Hello?

Cold Caller: Hi, Is John Smith there?

Me: Yes he is!, let me get him! <(hand over receiver, and I shout:"John! oh John!, you have a phone call!"

Me(again): (put receiver down, go back to what I was doing and at about 10-15 second interval, yell, "John!, did you get that yet?

CC: <Click!>


DataDog
"Failure Is Not An Option'

 

[MeGustaXL]

"John!, did you get that yet?"

Excellent! Love it! Can I use that?

Chris

Rule One: NEVER volunteer - My Dad

 

[Welshbird]

Oh. I like that too!

I might try and remember it, except...

And at the risk of upsetting anyone, or at least causing jealousy, I have never (and I really mean NEVER) had a cold-call.

I've always been ex-directory, and I guess I just never ended up on a list. I think when I first got my number the person whose house I bought took thier number with them, so I got a new one, and therefore have never been contactable for this purpose.

'Snice though!

Fee

The question should be [red]Is it worth trying to do?[/red] not [blue] Can it be done?[/blue]

 

[Sympology]

Brringg-Brringg!

Me: Yellow?

Cold Caller: Hi, can I speak to Mister ...er.. [mispronounce my easy-to-say surname]?

Me: Hold on a minute I'll just get him.

Sit down, make cup of tea, watch telly.

Only the truly stupid believe they know everything.
Stu.. 2004

 

[Trevoke]

I've always wanted to do this:

Brringg-Brringg!

Me: Yellow?

Cold Caller: Hi, can I speak to Mister ...er.. [mispronounce my easy-to-mispronounce surname, or first name]?

Me : Ah, well, a house dropped on his sister, so...
___________________

But I never get to, as I always get the recordings, or people who speak like recordings. As the poor persons are paid to do that, I spare them the humiliation and save them some time.. Though, who knows, maybe they'd rather stay on the phone and chat for an hour.

"That time in Seattle... was a nightmare. I came out of it dead broke, without a house, without anything except a girlfriend and a knowledge of UNIX."
"Well, that's something," Avi says. "Normally those two are mutually exclusive."
-- Neal Stephenson, "Cryptonomicon"

 

[flapeyre]

Brringg-Brringg!

Me: Yellow?

Cold Caller: Hi, can I speak to Mister ...er.. [mispronounce my easy-to-mispronounce surname, or first name]?

Me: [hold phone up to cat on my lap, scratch at base of tail to make him meow]

Feles mala! Cur cista non uteris? Stramentum novum in ea posui!

 

[MeGustaXL]

Brringg-Brringg!

Me: Yellow?

Cold Caller: Hi, can I speak to Mister ...er..

Me: [bellowing deafeningly] GET ON WITH IT!! Are you trying to sell me something? Well I don't want it, right? And if you know what's good for you, you'll hang up now, before I reach down the phone and grab you by the...

CC: <Click! Whirrr...>

Chris

Rule One: NEVER volunteer - My Dad

 

[jrbarnett]

Here's one that we used from my former employer:

Ring Ring

Me: Good Morning xyz Limited, how can I help you.

Caller: Hello I'd like to speak to the person responsible for your IT purchasing / IT department / managing director.

Me: Can I ask what this is in connection with?

Caller: I'm from ABC and we've got a wonderful promotion at the moment <insert a few details here>

Me: Well, I'm sorry, this company has a policy of not accepting cold calls. You would need to write to the company for the attention of the person concerned. The company address is on our website <insert URL>.

Caller: What about an email address?

Me: I'm sorry, unsolicited email is spamming, and you wouldn't want to get known for doing that, would you.

<hang up>

For any company who did a little research and looked up the name of the MD before calling, there was another trick up our sleeve. To all the clients, his family and relatives, the MD was known by his middle name. You could spot a cold caller a mile off because they would ask for his first name.

John

 

[Sympology]

Brringg-Brringg!

Me: Yellow?

Cold Caller: Hi, can I speak to Mister ...er..

Me: Hold on, I'll transfer you....

Recall: (e.g) 01273 765 000

and.

Me: Hi can I talk to someone about a marketing campaign?

3rd person. transferring you.

Me: Blind transfer caller.....

Oh the joys of call monitoring....

(number from

http://www.ttmc.co.uk/)

Only the truly stupid believe they know everything.
Stu.. 2004

 

[gbaughma]

You know, we used to get calls for my wife's father, who passed away before I even met her... (probably 14 years ago).

Then after my mother died, I'd get phone calls for her.

Finally, I'd had enough.. the conversation went something like:

Ring-ring....
Me: Hello?
Them: May I speak to Dale (name withheld)?
Me: I'm sorry, he died about 14 years ago... and thanks a HELL OF A LOT for bringing up the pain and suffering to the family over my wife's loss of her father, AGAIN!
<click>

Same thing with calls for my mom.

Then, the ones that really bug me that I get recently (even though I am on the national "do not call" register, etc.)

Ring-ring
Me: Hello?
Recording: Don't hang up! You can save hundreds of dollars a month on your current mortgage.....

Now, one time, I figured "I'm going to tell them off..." so I listened to the entire recording, followed by the "Press 0 to talk to a mortgage broker now!"
... so I hit 0, and it hangs up!

ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH!

Now, what the telemarketers are doing is they have your phone ring, and when you answer it, it just hangs up, and records the time that you're home, so they can call you during that time at a later date.

Of course, wrong numbers are fun.

Ring-Ring:
Me: "Hello?"
Someone female: "Hi... ummm... is John there?" (Obviously a wrong number)
Me: "No... sorry... he just left with Jennifer (made up name) about 20 mins ago...."
Female: "I'll KILL HIM!" <Click>

I love doing those... hehe.....

I got a wrong number on my cell phone one day... it was something like:

Ring-Ring
Me: "Hello?"
Female (giggling): Is John there?
Me: Sorry, you've got the wrong number.
Female: Well, do you KNOW john?
Me: Umm... no......
Female: He's tall, blonde hair... good build.....
Me: I really don't know him.....
Female: He's got SUCH a nice a$$!
Me: Um.... I probably wouldn't notice, or think so....
Female: Well, if you see John, would you tell him that Stephanie thinks he's got a nice a$$, and a great package?
Me: (Laughing at this point, considering I'm standing in a checkout line with people looking at me funny...) Sure... if I see John, I'll make sure that Stephanie said he has a nice a$$ and package (people erupt in laughter around me as I hang up, look around, and shrug my shoulders)
Me: Anyone here named John?
(More laughter from everyone around me)



Just my 2¢

"In order to start solving a problem, one must first identify its owner." --Me
--Greg

http://parallel.tzo.com