Swearing that isn't 1

[MeGustaXL]

You know the situation; you've just driven a 4-inch nail through the web of skin between your thumb and forefinger, and hit yourself in the face with the clawhammer on the recoil! Your lovely Granny is watching and listening intently - how the Dickens do you express your pain and dismay at your own muttonheadedness!

I like to scream a selection of the following:

Flapping Bat!
Floating Boat!
You Sticking Ice-Hole

Any *BLEEP*ing others?

Chris

Varium et mutabile semper Excel

http://www.insys-ltd.co.uk

 

[Gooser]

Truthfully, I've never pounded a nail into the skin between my forefinger and thumb. I have, however put a 2-3/4" staple through (yes, ladies, gents, and users) through my left middle finger.

Imagine being of caucasian descent working in a predominantly African American neighborhood south of Memphis, TN. Now, imagine injuring your left-middle finger. The doctor now tells you to keep this splinted, bandaged finger isolated and elevated as you drive home...good times, good times. I 'flew the bird' all the way home.

--Gooser

 

[SilentAiche]

Hmm, a digital problem on a Tech forum. Brilliant!

As for "flew the bird," we can suggest some nested functions. Not all of us, just the eggheads...

Tim

[gray]sorry, it takes a while to giggle my butt off...[/gray]

[blue]_____________________________________________
"As a former farmer, I measure my produce in onces."[/blue]

 

[KenCunningham]

Unforgivably I have so far neglected to mention a couple of Scottish terms used in such circumstances such as Jings! and Crivens! which for those beloved of The Broons, will be self explanatory. For a wider discussion of Scots slang, see:

http://www.firstfoot.com/php/glossary/phpglossar_0.8/index.php?letter=c

I don't mind people who aren't what they seem. I just wish they'd make their mind up.

 

[KenCunningham]

Help ma Boab! I meant to put in a warning that some of the content of that glossary is, let's say, 'fruity', so please beware if you're of a nervous disposition!

I don't mind people who aren't what they seem. I just wish they'd make their mind up.

 

[Mthales]

My current favorite for this sort of situation is "Fecking Norah" but I've no idea where it came from.

M

--------------------------------------
For animals, the entire universe has been neatly divided into things to (a) mate with, (b) eat, (c) run away from, and (d) rocks.
-- Terry Pratchett, Equal Rites

 

[AngelB]

One of my favourites for this sort of situation is from the troll family in the TV mini-series 'The 10th Kingdom':

Suck an Elf!


Geraint

The lights are on but nobody's home, my elevator doesn't go to the top. I'm not playing with a full deck, I've lost my marbles. Barenaked Ladies - Crazy

 

[Welshbird]

One of my colleagues has just shouted
"Oh Poo-sticks"

which I quite liked..

Fee

The question should be [red]Is it worth trying to do?[/red] not [blue] Can it be done?[/blue]

 

[PaulTEG]

If the intent is present, and we utter something inoffensive, are we lying to ourselves ... ;-)

Paul
------------------------------------
Spend an hour a week on CPAN, helps cure all known programming ailments ;-)

 

[elanor]

After my son was born, in an attempt to be a more "responsible" mom, I tried to moderate my language. It was far more difficult than I thought it would be (I didn't think I was such a potty-mouth ), but "Oh ph...legm" and "Holy spit" did the trick for me! Like Trevoke, however, I do use a longer phrase when necessary - mine is "Sweet Jesus on a stick!" I have absolutely no idea where that came from, but I'm usually correct when I attribute my oddball expressions to my grandmother!

 

[RCorrigan]

In the spirit of "Maggie & the Ferocious Beast" (I have a small child .... I'm using Great Googly-Moogly at the moment !!!!!!

<Do I need A Signature or will an X do?>

 

[AnotherHiggins]

My wife and I wound up watching part of How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days while getting ready to go out one night. It had been edited for TV. At one point, Matthew McConaughey's family is playing a boisterous round of the card game Bull.... Spit.

If you have ever seen that scene, you'll know that the name of the game is shouted several, several times. It was really funny to hear all these people shouting, "bull spit".

My wife and I will still use that on occasion.

[tt]_____
[blue]-John[/blue][/tt]
[tab][red]The plural of anecdote is not data[/red]

Help us help you. Please read FAQ181-2886 before posting.

 

[AngelB]

Another 'edited for TV' expletive that made me chuckle was, when watching the first Beverly Hills Cop movie, one of the principle characters refers to someone as a 'melon farmer'. I understand them not using the original term pre-watershed, but the replacement was just plain ridiculous!


Geraint

The lights are on but nobody's home, my elevator doesn't go to the top. I'm not playing with a full deck, I've lost my marbles. Barenaked Ladies - Crazy

 

[Tarwn]

I don't know, I find that "Son of a [insert almost anything here]" pretty much works for me. And since the [insert anything here] is whatever random word I think of first, it pretty much counts as an impromptu association test too

Fricking-fracken comes out a couple times, but more as a way not to use another set of words that start with F.

Sadly enough, someone got me started on "Arrh matey". Generally this just comes out at times when I meant to swear, so it works in two ways. One, I let out the "Arrh" and two, I have to pause for a moment after saying it in order to play it back and see if I really just said what I think I did.

Why yes, my coworkers do give me odd stares occasionally

 

[DirkStruan]

There's always the old dubbed for daytime TV favourites (UK based anyway):

"Goddamn maggot farmer" & "Mother funster!"

 

[Dollie]

Even though I'm stylishly late to the thread, I had to throw these in...

The chicken plucking, feather stuffing, firetruckers!



When my co-workers hear me muttering about chickens or firetrucks, they usually leave my area quickly.

 

[SilentAiche]

"Firetruckers?"

Don't Canadihens refer to them as Hosers?

[gray] Go ahead, Raleigh Dollie, call me a "mutter plucker..."[/gray]

Tim, perhaps {triple giggles, nonetheless!! }

[blue]_____________________________________________
"As a former farmer, I measure my produce in onces."[/blue]

 

[SantaMufasa]

I don't wish to sound "nit-pickish" here, but if MeGusta and the rest of us are trying to avoid "swearing" by using "alternate" verbage, then I believe we are failing/missing the target.

swear(ing): to use profane or obscene language.
profane: to debase by a wrong, unworthy, or vulgar use.

When we use the terms, Flapping Bat!, Floating Boat! You Sticking Ice-Hole, Dag-nabb-it, Frick'n, Freak'n, Frack, blinking, blimmin, sugar, turtle-flippin, Mother-Lovin', ... bull-spit, firetruckin', et cetera,


...each of these is "a wrong, unworthy, vulgar" use of the term. Certainly, we may be less offended by any of the substitutes, the substitutes remain profanities.

Mufasa
(aka Dave of Sandy, Utah, USA)
[I can provide you with low-cost, remote Database Administration services: see our website and contact me via www.dasages.com]

 

[aarenot]

i try to smile[covers clenching of the teeth], pause, look like i am reflecting, then say
'that was less than pleasurable'





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