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Puns for Making an Impression 6

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SantaMufasa

Technical User
Jul 17, 2003
12,588
US
1. The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
He acquired his size from too much pi.

2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island,
but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian ..

3. She was only a whiskey maker,
but he loved her still.

4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from an algebra class,
because it was considered a weapon of math disruption.

5. No matter how much you push the envelope,
it'll still be stationery.

6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road
and was cited for littering.

7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France
would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

8. Two silk worms had a race.
They ended up in a tie.

9. A hole has been found
in the wooden fence
at a nudist camp wall.
The police are looking into it.

10. Time flies like an arrow.
Fruit flies like a banana.

11. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

12. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in a hallway.
One hat said to the other:
'You stay here, I'll go on a head.'

13. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger.
Then it hit me.

14. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said:
'Keep off the Grass.'

15. The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison
was described as a small medium at large.

16. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray
is now a seasoned veteran.

17. A backward poet writes inverse.

18. In a democracy, it's your vote that counts.
In feudalism, it's your count that votes.

19. When cannibals ate the missionary,
they got a taste of religion.

20. If you jumped off the bridge in Paris ,
you'd be in Seine ..

21. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons.
The stewardess looks at him and says, 'I'm sorry, Sir'.
'Only one carrion allowed per passenger.'

22. Two fish swim into a concrete wall.
One turns to the other and says 'Dam!'

23.Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly,
so they lit a fire in the craft.
Unsurprisingly it sank,
proving once again,
that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

24. Two hydrogen atoms meet.
One says, 'I've lost my electron.'
The other says 'Are you sure?'
The first replies, 'Yes, I'm positive.'

25. Did you hear about the Buddhist
who refused Novocaine during a root canal?
His goal: transcend dental medication.

26. She was only a rancher's daughter,
but all the horse manure.

27. Then there was the person who sent ten puns to his friends,
with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh.
No pun in ten did.

[santa]Mufasa
(aka Dave of Sandy, Utah, USA)
[I provide low-cost, remote Database Administration services: www.dasages.com]
“Beware of those that seek to protect you from harm or risk. The cost will be your freedoms and your liberty.”
 
==>"eitht"....

Read "eight"...what a dummy!

It is time for pacifists to stand up and fight for their beliefs.
 
It would be two deer if it cost 40 bucks. <grin>

[santa]Mufasa
(aka Dave of Sandy, Utah, USA)
[I provide low-cost, remote Database Administration services: www.dasages.com]
“Beware of those that seek to protect you from harm or risk. The cost will be your freedoms and your liberty.”
 


It might be too dear for 40 bucks.

Skip,
[sub]
[glasses]Just traded in my old subtlety...
for a NUANCE![tongue][/sub]
 
Did anyone else just have déjà vu ? &lt;smile&gt; Great thinks mind alike, I guess. [2thumbsup]

[santa]Mufasa
(aka Dave of Sandy, Utah, USA)
[I provide low-cost, remote Database Administration services: www.dasages.com]
“Beware of those that seek to protect you from harm or risk. The cost will be your freedoms and your liberty.”
 



...all over again, as I see.

Skip,
[sub]
[glasses]Just traded in my old subtlety...
for a NUANCE![tongue][/sub]
 
40 pounds eh? Sounds like it can't be two deer at all.
More likely 2 fauns. Personally, I'd try to swap 'em for 2 nymphs... ;-)

p5
 
I have to re-learn my schoolboy woodworking skills.

I've got a whole load of books just lying around the house.

There comes a time when you have just got to make a stand.

It is time for pacifists to stand up and fight for their beliefs.
 
Knowing me, I'd just shelve the whole idea.


James P. Cottingham
[sup]I'm number 1,229!
I'm number 1,229![/sup]
 
I tried to form the woodworkers' alliance but it was only a splinter group

"If it could have gone wrong earlier and it didn't, it ultimately would have been beneficial for it to have." : Murphy's Ultimate Corollary
 
Certainly hit the nail on the head there!

The internet - allowing those who don't know what they're talking about to have their say.
 



I see an tendency for more teasing in this joint.

Skip,
[sub]
[glasses]Just traded in my old subtlety...
for a NUANCE![tongue][/sub]
 
<put on mortice board>
Surely that should be a tenoncy (in plane speech)
<remove mortice board>

"If it could have gone wrong earlier and it didn't, it ultimately would have been beneficial for it to have." : Murphy's Ultimate Corollary
 
This is getting saw

It is time for pacifists to stand up and fight for their beliefs.
 
As in carpal tunnel syndrome (saw tenons)?

The internet - allowing those who don't know what they're talking about to have their say.
 



That certaily dovetails closly with these past few posts.

Skip,
[sub]
[glasses]Just traded in my old subtlety...
for a NUANCE![tongue][/sub]
 
Wood you believe it could go on so long?

It is time for pacifists to stand up and fight for their beliefs.
 


Apparently, no one is bored.

Skip,
[sub]
[glasses]Just traded in my old subtlety...
for a NUANCE![tongue][/sub]
 
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