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Puns for Making an Impression 6

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SantaMufasa

Technical User
Jul 17, 2003
12,588
US
1. The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
He acquired his size from too much pi.

2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island,
but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian ..

3. She was only a whiskey maker,
but he loved her still.

4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from an algebra class,
because it was considered a weapon of math disruption.

5. No matter how much you push the envelope,
it'll still be stationery.

6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road
and was cited for littering.

7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France
would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

8. Two silk worms had a race.
They ended up in a tie.

9. A hole has been found
in the wooden fence
at a nudist camp wall.
The police are looking into it.

10. Time flies like an arrow.
Fruit flies like a banana.

11. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

12. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in a hallway.
One hat said to the other:
'You stay here, I'll go on a head.'

13. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger.
Then it hit me.

14. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said:
'Keep off the Grass.'

15. The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison
was described as a small medium at large.

16. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray
is now a seasoned veteran.

17. A backward poet writes inverse.

18. In a democracy, it's your vote that counts.
In feudalism, it's your count that votes.

19. When cannibals ate the missionary,
they got a taste of religion.

20. If you jumped off the bridge in Paris ,
you'd be in Seine ..

21. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons.
The stewardess looks at him and says, 'I'm sorry, Sir'.
'Only one carrion allowed per passenger.'

22. Two fish swim into a concrete wall.
One turns to the other and says 'Dam!'

23.Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly,
so they lit a fire in the craft.
Unsurprisingly it sank,
proving once again,
that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

24. Two hydrogen atoms meet.
One says, 'I've lost my electron.'
The other says 'Are you sure?'
The first replies, 'Yes, I'm positive.'

25. Did you hear about the Buddhist
who refused Novocaine during a root canal?
His goal: transcend dental medication.

26. She was only a rancher's daughter,
but all the horse manure.

27. Then there was the person who sent ten puns to his friends,
with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh.
No pun in ten did.

[santa]Mufasa
(aka Dave of Sandy, Utah, USA)
[I provide low-cost, remote Database Administration services: www.dasages.com]
“Beware of those that seek to protect you from harm or risk. The cost will be your freedoms and your liberty.”
 
There's no 'I' in team.

No, but there's certainly a 'U' in ....

The internet - allowing those who don't know what they're talking about to have their say.
 
What do you call a deer with no eye?"

"No idea"

It is time for pacifists to stand up and fight for their beliefs.
 
And what do you call that same "no-eye-deer" if it has no legs?[hide]Still no-eye-deer[/hide]

[santa]Mufasa
(aka Dave of Sandy, Utah, USA)
[I provide low-cost, remote Database Administration services: www.dasages.com]
“Beware of those that seek to protect you from harm or risk. The cost will be your freedoms and your liberty.”
 
And one with no legs either?

Still no idea.

And a fish with no eye?

Fsh.

Goodbye.

Fee

"The cure for anything is salt water – sweat, tears, or the sea." Isak Dinesen
 
Fee, corroded minds think alike, right? <grin>

[santa]Mufasa
(aka Dave of Sandy, Utah, USA)
[I provide low-cost, remote Database Administration services: www.dasages.com]
“Beware of those that seek to protect you from harm or risk. The cost will be your freedoms and your liberty.”
 
A dinosaur with only one eye?

Doyouthinkhesaurus



"If it could have gone wrong earlier and it didn't, it ultimately would have been beneficial for it to have." : Murphy's Ultimate Corollary
 
A woman standing between the (soccer) goalpoasts is called?
Annette

Fee

"The cure for anything is salt water – sweat, tears, or the sea." Isak Dinesen
 
How about a Mexican with a rubber toe?

Roberto!

Thanks,
Andrew

[smarty] Hard work often pays off over time, but procrastination pays off right now!
 
...or a man with a paper bag on his head?
Russell

It is time for pacifists to stand up and fight for their beliefs.
 
Or a man standing between two houses?

Ali

Fee

"The cure for anything is salt water – sweat, tears, or the sea." Isak Dinesen
 
How do people survive in the desert?

They eat all the sandwhiches there

Thanks,
Andrew

[smarty] Hard work often pays off over time, but procrastination pays off right now!
 
To flyboytim

Hairdressers in the US are also fond of punning names for their salons. One I believe is quite catchy is:

"Curl Up and Dye"

sam
 
How about the guy who had 50 female pigs and 50 male deer?

He had a hundred sows and bucks (a hundred thousand bucks)

<Groan>



Just my 2¢

"What the captain doesn't realize is that we've secretly replaced his Dilithium Crystals with new Folger's Crystals."

--Greg
 
Turkbear worried (in thread1256-1641057) that his following post might be offensive. I can't imagine that any MAI-er would find it offensive, and, IMO, it's certainly a pun-worthy posting in this thread:
Turbear said:
[hide]The wife said they could not have sex because it was Lent..
He replied "TO WHOM! and for HOW LONG!"[/hide]
And it reminded me of this one:
How would you describe the love life of a Bedouin?[hide]In tents[/hide]
<grin>

[santa]Mufasa
(aka Dave of Sandy, Utah, USA)
[I provide low-cost, remote Database Administration services: www.dasages.com]
“Beware of those that seek to protect you from harm or risk. The cost will be your freedoms and your liberty.”
 
Hi,
Thanks Santa..I thought about it for this thread but did not follow through.




[profile]

To Paraphrase:"The Help you get is proportional to the Help you give.."
 
The phlebotomist at the blood bank:
Billy Rubin

-- Francis
In Deo nos confídimus.
Ceteris pariatur.
 
Speaking of phlebotomy...

My wife was telling me once about a friend's husband being an artist who was quite good at pencil drawings. Knowing that the artist's wife was a phlebotomist, I said that she was also an artist. My wife asked why. I said, "Because she draws blood."

Unimpressed, my wife said, "Well, you're an artist, too, then." When I asked why she said, "Because you draw flies.
 
Two fish were in a tank. One said to the other, "You man the guns, I'll drive."

Thanks,
Andrew

[smarty] Hard work often pays off over time, but procrastination pays off right now!
 
acl03 said:
Two fish were in a tank. One said to the other, "You man the guns, I'll drive."

[rofl]

Mike
---------------------------------------------------------------
"To be alive is to revel in the moments, in the sunrise and the sunset, in the sudden and brief episodes of love and adventure,
in the hours of companionship. It is, most of all, to never be paralyzed by your fears of a future that no one can foretell."
 



Swims to me, finny, like Turret Syndrome!

Skip,
[sub]
[glasses]Just traded in my old subtlety...
for a NUANCE![tongue][/sub]
 
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