SantaMufasa
Technical User
1. The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
He acquired his size from too much pi.
2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island,
but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian ..
3. She was only a whiskey maker,
but he loved her still.
4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from an algebra class,
because it was considered a weapon of math disruption.
5. No matter how much you push the envelope,
it'll still be stationery.
6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road
and was cited for littering.
7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France
would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
8. Two silk worms had a race.
They ended up in a tie.
9. A hole has been found
in the wooden fence
at a nudist camp wall.
The police are looking into it.
10. Time flies like an arrow.
Fruit flies like a banana.
11. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
12. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in a hallway.
One hat said to the other:
'You stay here, I'll go on a head.'
13. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger.
Then it hit me.
14. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said:
'Keep off the Grass.'
15. The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison
was described as a small medium at large.
16. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray
is now a seasoned veteran.
17. A backward poet writes inverse.
18. In a democracy, it's your vote that counts.
In feudalism, it's your count that votes.
19. When cannibals ate the missionary,
they got a taste of religion.
20. If you jumped off the bridge in Paris ,
you'd be in Seine ..
21. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons.
The stewardess looks at him and says, 'I'm sorry, Sir'.
'Only one carrion allowed per passenger.'
22. Two fish swim into a concrete wall.
One turns to the other and says 'Dam!'
23.Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly,
so they lit a fire in the craft.
Unsurprisingly it sank,
proving once again,
that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
24. Two hydrogen atoms meet.
One says, 'I've lost my electron.'
The other says 'Are you sure?'
The first replies, 'Yes, I'm positive.'
25. Did you hear about the Buddhist
who refused Novocaine during a root canal?
His goal: transcend dental medication.
26. She was only a rancher's daughter,
but all the horse manure.
27. Then there was the person who sent ten puns to his friends,
with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh.
No pun in ten did.
![[santa]](/data/assets/smilies/santa.gif "[santa] [santa]")
Mufasa
(aka Dave of Sandy, Utah, USA)
[I provide low-cost, remote Database Administration services: www.dasages.com]
“Beware of those that seek to protect you from harm or risk. The cost will be your freedoms and your liberty.”
He acquired his size from too much pi.
2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island,
but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian ..
3. She was only a whiskey maker,
but he loved her still.
4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from an algebra class,
because it was considered a weapon of math disruption.
5. No matter how much you push the envelope,
it'll still be stationery.
6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road
and was cited for littering.
7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France
would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
8. Two silk worms had a race.
They ended up in a tie.
9. A hole has been found
in the wooden fence
at a nudist camp wall.
The police are looking into it.
10. Time flies like an arrow.
Fruit flies like a banana.
11. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
12. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in a hallway.
One hat said to the other:
'You stay here, I'll go on a head.'
13. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger.
Then it hit me.
14. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said:
'Keep off the Grass.'
15. The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison
was described as a small medium at large.
16. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray
is now a seasoned veteran.
17. A backward poet writes inverse.
18. In a democracy, it's your vote that counts.
In feudalism, it's your count that votes.
19. When cannibals ate the missionary,
they got a taste of religion.
20. If you jumped off the bridge in Paris ,
you'd be in Seine ..
21. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons.
The stewardess looks at him and says, 'I'm sorry, Sir'.
'Only one carrion allowed per passenger.'
22. Two fish swim into a concrete wall.
One turns to the other and says 'Dam!'
23.Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly,
so they lit a fire in the craft.
Unsurprisingly it sank,
proving once again,
that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
24. Two hydrogen atoms meet.
One says, 'I've lost my electron.'
The other says 'Are you sure?'
The first replies, 'Yes, I'm positive.'
25. Did you hear about the Buddhist
who refused Novocaine during a root canal?
His goal: transcend dental medication.
26. She was only a rancher's daughter,
but all the horse manure.
27. Then there was the person who sent ten puns to his friends,
with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh.
No pun in ten did.
Mufasa(aka Dave of Sandy, Utah, USA)
[I provide low-cost, remote Database Administration services: www.dasages.com]
“Beware of those that seek to protect you from harm or risk. The cost will be your freedoms and your liberty.”
![[smarty]](/data/assets/smilies/smarty.gif "[smarty] [smarty]")
Hard work often pays off over time, but procrastination pays off right now!