Me? I'm a threat? 3

[benvegiard]

OK, here's the situation... I am basically a nice guy (Yeah, I know, "if I do say so myself"). I have spent the first eight years of my career working as a consultant doing database programming.

For the last two jobs, I have been a full time employee. The prior job was an absolute political mess. One of the biggest problems is that I came in with a strong technical knowledge base and basically most of the other IT folks and a manager felt threatened by me. I wrote that one off to being just a politically messed up place.

However, now I am at a new shop. Everyone is great. I do find myself threatening the DBA here, I think. It's nothing extreme, but I want to nip it in the bud. Does anyone have any resources (i.e. "How to win friends and influence people" type o' thang) that would help me posture myself in a way that I can relax this person? I know that when someone is threatened it's usually due to some sort of insecurity (which I haven't identified in this man as he is very good at what he does) and have tried to phrase things in a way that supports his ego. However, at the same time there are issues where I think another approach is worth examining, and I need to get that across without bruising him.

Any help is very much appreciated.

ben

 

[pmonett]

I would try to keep communicating. Never leave without being sure that each party has clearly understood what has been said. Always state clearly what the goals are, and how you intend to achieve them. Never let any hint lie in the dark, there must be no possibility for misinterpretation.
The problem with this approach is that you risk overdoing it, which could very well be interpreted as "this guy is trying too hard - something fishy is going on".
In the end, this kind of issue is very subjective. You may, in the long run, be better off by just being you, and doing your job normally. If the other guy has decided to regard you as a threat and cannot change his mind, you'll be doing way too much effort for nothing.

Your acts should speak more than your words. If he is intelligent, then he should come to the right conclusion himself. Trying to prevent his worrying about you might be percieved as so many efforts to hide your own game, and thus arise even more suspicion.


Pascal.

 

[kmcginn]

Try taking whaever opportunity you can to ask his advice. Even if you know the answer, maybe phrase it as, "I have an idea but I'd like your opinion." If you do this a few times, maybe he'll realize that you respect him (which it sounds like you do.)

Never pass up the chance to tell him he's good at what he does. Hopefully he'll relax before too long. Good Luck - this can be a sticky situation.

I don't know what's worse - to have someone feel threatened by you, or to fell threatened by someone else! Neither one makes a pleasant working situation.

 

[tomed]

Kmcginn's advice is very sound.

The only thing I would add to it is; be honest. The next time you're in a situation where you feel like he may feel threatened, ask him if something is wrong. If he refuses to speak up just let him know that you feel like things have been a little strained lately and you wanted to get it straightened out because he's great at what he does and good communication with him is vital to you doing your job correctly.

 

[lgarner]

I think kmcginn is on the money. I'd add, Make sure that you let others know how well he's doing, or how much he's helped you. This is especially effective in meetings when you can work it in.

 

[MColeman]

This is one area that I have done just awful in the past.

I'm just not good at kissing up.

I have an ongoing problem with one person at my present job because of this.

I came on the job and just starting working at doing my best to accomplish the most work I could. Little did I know, one of the senior people had expected the new person to take their marching orders from them. I wasn't told to report to this person. I was left to choose my own projects, make my own priorities, and manange my own workload. So I steamed my way through the backlog, and starting creating new projects.

There is one other person here who goes to this person about every little detail about their work, and they get along fine.

However, I haven't been kissing up this way. Now, I find that even when I need this other person's input, no matter how nice an complimentary I ask, I get ignored.

Good luck with this relationship. I hope you keep us updated.

 

[medic]

Also, try to ponder why would people around you behave that way. This is not to put you down, but if you see that people wherever you go always have attitude problems, chances are, you live in a wretched society or you are the one with the problems. Just a friendly advise.

 

[OhioBill]

benvegiard,

It's all in the presentation. If you can start having lunch with folks from the marketing department, do so. They'll help you out on your presentation and may even help you practice.

Keep in mind that this DBA may have a bad attitude in general, so any response that doesn't involve a temper tantrum is a good one. When you present one of your ideas to the DBA, don't forget to listen. The trouble with most technical people is that they love the sound of their own voice, and that they automatically assume that the audience has the same level of intelligence and technical knowledge that they do. Neither may be true.

If you have a good idea, and by this I mean something that is more than marginally better than the current state, don't give up on the account after one no sale. Recruit some help and keep trying.

Luck!

 

[jaymaechtlen]

Ssome of us are not good at "reading" the attitudes and feelings of others. This can lead to us causing hurt feelings and irritation. It can take an extended effort to smooth out our own rough edges and learn to relate to others and/or work with them effectively.
It took me a long time...

regards
Jay

 

[langleymass]

I wouldn't worry about this. How he feels is his problem.

 

[PEASLET]

Dear Ben

I reckon that if you find when you take a new job you have more knowledge than the manager and / or dba - then maybe you are aiming too low. Perhaps next time go for the manager job yourself.

Good luck!

 

[langleymass]

Perhaps he just went for the job that he was able to get.

 

[davidwendelken]

Some of us are not good at "reading" the attitudes and feelings of others. This can lead to us causing hurt feelings and irritation. It can take an extended effort to smooth out our own rough edges and learn to relate to others and/or work with them effectively.
It took me a long time... "

Check out NLP - Neuro-Linguistic Programming.

They have some really excellent techniques (along with some snake-oil) for teaching how to read others. I found them to be pragmatic, straight-forward, and sensible.

Helped me a whole lot in my work!

David Wendelken

http://www.casetech.net

 

[langleymass]

Yes, yes, do learn neuro-linguistic programming. It is extremely powerful. Use it in job interviews. Eventually you will have no trouble getting what you want in your interactions and relationships with others.

 

[MDXer]

I wouldn't worry about this. How he feels is his problem.

Couldn't agree more There is no room for egos in a company. The most import thing is the success of the company. THis isn't to say be rude to everybody but if someone feels threatened my experience tells me there is a reason they do. Having just gone through this the past year I can honestly say I don't regret the way I approached the situation. I didn't do it to get ahead I just kept bringing up ideas and ways to make our product better when the person would start to shut people out I would have a talk with him and let him know I did value his input but he rarely would give it without having to drag it out which I don't have time for. Ultimately he quit. That was his problem not mine I was sorry to see him leave the company because he was an asset but at the same time it is now a lot less worry about whose toes I step on.

Shoot Me! Shoot Me NOW!!!
- Daffy Duck

 

[juliane26]

Well, I noticed before that some people have different meanings for same words.

Like when I ask somebody for a review, I am really asking to tell me what I am still doing wrong. I want to improve quality. What is fine already does not bother me too much.

Other people ask the same question, they are actually asking for telling what all is good, and to get the facts what is there to be improved is 'only secondary'.

The first approach - and I think I am there - is rather straight. The second is much more polite. Both are valid.

I noticed that I sometimes threatened or irritated somebody without intending by just being very straight.
So especially with new people it is definitely better to be a little more polite. It is not kissing up - if you actually value what your colleagues do - what's wrong with also saying so and letting the person know ?
I guess that is something which I had to learn as well and still learning.

BTW, it feels good if somebody comes back saying 'hey - good job'.

I do think we all have our feelings and they should be respected. And the company is also doing best when people like to go to work every morning and are happy at what they are doing.

Juliane

 

[davidwendelken]

Quote (langleymann):

"I wouldn't worry about this. How he feels is his problem."

Quote (MDXer):
"Couldn't agree more There is no room for egos in a company. The most import[ant] thing is the success of the company."

That's so charmingly naive.

The most important thing for most employees of a company is NOT the company. It is their paycheck, or their family, or their ego, or their church, or last night's sports game or tv show, or the power-trip from running it, or as a stepping stone to a better job somewhere else. Company success is incidental. Assuming otherwise is like getting drunk, walking around late at night in disreputable neighborhoods flashing lots of cash, and wondering later why someone decided to mug you.

If the other person has the ability to get you fired or laid off, and you need that job, you darn better care what they think. If you want a raise/promotion, and they can prevent it, you darn better care what they think.


David Wendelken

http://www.casetech.net

 

[MDXer]

The most important thing for most employees of a company is NOT the company

This is where many people mis the point. As an employee your priority should be the company, as an individual the priority is the paycheck, the family etc. The reality is that as an employee You are in service of the company and the purpose of the company is to succeed. If te company is a publicly traded company then it's success is even more important.

Yes it is nice to work for and with people that understand and take into consideration events outside of work but that is individuals and not the company. The individuals who run the company or who have been put in place to run the company understand that life events sometimes make it into the office but that doesn't mean these events are always welcomed into the office. Typically positive events are welcomed.

Few people in an orginization a irreplaceable including the CEOs of some of the worlds largest companies. Yet there are some whose egos allow them to believe a company can't function without them.

So feel free to believe that my opinions are "Charmingly Naive" and then look at how many businesses fail because of ego conflicts or putting personal issues a head of business. Again this is not to say a company can't and shouldn't support a culture outside the work enviroment.

Shoot Me! Shoot Me NOW!!!
- Daffy Duck

 

[davidwendelken]

You appear to have totally misunderstood my point.

I agree with your "should be's".

Employees "should be" all that you say.
But most of them aren't. And that's the way it is.

Wishing they were won't make it so.
Good Leadership will make more of them like you want.
Bad Leadership will make none of them like you want.

Not understanding this can get you bushwhacked and forced out of a job for which you are far better qualified than those who keep their job at that company.

David Wendelken

http://www.casetech.net

 

[pmonett]

As an employee your priority should be the company

It undoubtedly should. Unfortunately, I have personally witnessed having invested years of my life into "the company", and the only thanks I got was getting laid off.

I'll put the company as a priority the day I recieve proof that the company puts my job as a priority too. Currently, the priority is only maximizing profit - all other priorities are rescinded and all employees are expendable. All companies work that way, so why should I make a special commitment ?

I'll do my job to the best of my ability, of course. That is why I am employed. But before I start using my free time for the company, said company had better prove to me that it is willing to reciprocate in some way.

Pascal.