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SilentAiche

SilentAiche

Technical User
Dec 21, 2004
1,325
US
Ceremony to Cure Illiteracy: The "can't write right rite"

Ceremony to Cure Aviation Pioneers' Illiteracy: the "why can't the Wrights write right rite?"

Percolate: "not making the coffee on time"

Party-giver Reminders: "Host-It Notes"

Sediment: "Speaking as a breath freshener...

detriment: "Anything that makes your breath worse...

Enjoy!

THanks,
Tim
 
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billabong, pay per puff pipe.

Hypnocrit, I had a good one for this last night, but I am blank this AM. What do you come up with?

MegaHertz, company formed by the merger of the 4 biggest auto rental companies.

Microsoft, largest manufacturer of computer bugs.



BocaBurger
<===========================||////////////////|0
The pen is mightier than the sword, but the sword hurts more!
 
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Found these :

Smile - A curve that can set a lot of things straight.

Rumor - News that travels faster than the speed of sound.

Dictionary - The only place where divorce comes before marriage.

College - A place where some pursue learning and others learn pursuing.

Ecstasy - A feeling when you feel you are going to feel a feeling you have never felt before.

Office - A place where you can relax after your strenuous homelife.

Yawn - The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.

Committee - Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.

Classic - A book which people praise, but do not read.

Marriage - It’s an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and woman gains her master degree.

Worry - Interest paid on trouble before it falls due.

Experience - The name men give to their mistakes.

Tears - The hydraulic force by which masculine power is defeated by feminine power.

Atom Bomb - An invention to end all inventions.

Philosopher - A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.

Diplomat - A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.

Optimist - A person who starts taking a bath if he accidentally falls into a river.

Pessimist - A person who says that O is the last letter in ZERO, instead of the first letter in word OPPORTUNITY.

Miser - A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.

Father - A banker provided by nature.

Criminal - A guy no different from the rest…except that he got caught.

Boss - Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.

Politician - One who shakes your hand before elections and your confidence after.

Doctor - A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills.

Ratio of an igloo's circumference to its diameter = Eskimo Pi

2.4 statute miles of intravenous surgical tubing at Yale University Hospital = 1 I.V. League

2000 pounds of Chinese soup = Won Ton

1 millionth mouthwash = 1 microscope

Speed of a tortoise breaking the sound barrier = Mach Turtle

Time it takes to sail 220 yards at 1 nautical mile per hour = not-furlong

365.25 days of drinking low-calorie beer because it's less filling = 1 lite year

16.5 feet in the Twilight Zone = 1 Rod Sterling

1/2 large intestine = 1 semicolon

1000000 aches = 1 megahertz

Weight an evangelist carries with God = 1 billigram

Basic unit of laryngitis = 1 hoarsepower

Shortest distance between two jokes = a straight line

Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement = 1 banananosecond

1/2 bath = 1 demijohn

453.6 graham crackers = 1 pound cake

Given the old adage "a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single
step", the first step of a one-mile journey = 1 Milwaukee

Useful Metric Conversions:
1 million microphones = 1 megaphone

1 million bicycles = 2 megacycles

365.25 days = 1 Unicycle

500 millionaries = 1 seminary

2000 mockingbirds = two kilomockingbirds

10 cards = 1 decacards

1 kilogram of falling figs = 1 Fig Newton

1000 grams of wet socks = 1 Liter Hosen

1 millionth of a fish = 1 microfiche

1 trillion pins = 1 terrapin

1 million billion picolos = 1 gigolo

10 rations = 1 decoration

100 rations = 1 C-ration

Adult: A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.

Beauty Parlor: A place where women curl up and dye.

Cannibal: Someone who is fed up with people.

Committee: A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.

Dust: Freeze dried mud.

Egotist: Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.

Gossip: A person who will never tell a lie if the truth will do more damage.

Handkerchief: Cold Storage.

Inflation: Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.

Mosquito: An insect that makes you like flies better.

Raison: Grape for the ages.

Secret: Something you tell to one person at a time.

Skeleton: A bunch of bones with the person scraped off.

Toothache: The pain that drives you to extraction.

Tomorrow: One of the greatest labor saving devices of today.

Yawn: An honest opinion openly expressed.



<Do I need A Signature or will an X do?>
 
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Related: arrived at work at 8:15, again. (Opposite of showing uh, pearly)

Saber: type of s-word (BocaBurger's sig inspired this one)

Fencing: selling stolen sabers?

Wick's: cafe featured in "Casabwanca"

Tim
 
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Sig comes from 40 years of kenjutsu practice. I just can't draw a good ASCII katana.

One of the funniest lines I ever heard from Bill Dana:
"I teach Hooish to the Jeebrew peoples"



BocaBurger
<===========================||////////////////|0
The pen is mightier than the sword, but the sword hurts more!
 
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lo mein: dieter entree.

__________________________________________
Try forum1391 for lively discussions
 
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moo goo gai pan: recipe for men (ground beef with okra in a skillet).

__________________________________________
Try forum1391 for lively discussions
 
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If home page updates are required, would you call it oblogitory?

Why do rap stars seem to consider flashy jewelry oblingatory?

Are active jail sentences for British military officers considered obrigatory?
wink.gif
smile.gif


Tim
 
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Some more crazy measures ...

Ten alternative colours = 1 decor
1 in 10 chance of getting a girlfriend = 1 decimate
10 monarchs= 1 decking
1000 visitis to the bathroom = 1 millipede

 
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Not knowing whether you should tie up your boat at the left pier or the right one?
Code: 
[white]A paradox, of course![/white]


Tracy Dryden

Meddle not in the affairs of dragons,
For you are crunchy, and good with mustard. [dragon]
 
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and the pounding of the waves, of course, is considered
Code: 
[white]pier pressure[/white]


Tim
 
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Be careful of the dock side of the force.


BocaBurger
<===========================||////////////////|0
The pen is mightier than the sword, but the sword hurts more!
 
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donbott said:
reintarnation: the belief that when you die you will come back as Gabby Hayes
Click to expand...
Damn, I didn't think anyone remembered Gabby Hayes anymore. I actually laughed aloud at that, donbott. Thanks.

-Mr3Putt
 
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Discuit: The snacks that you feed to your computer
Windows: A computer virus that makes a PC run slow and clogs the storage device
Boot: What you use to kick your computer with when it doesn't power up
Hardware: The parts that scatter on the pavement when you throw your computer out the window
Point-and-click: What you do when using a .45 caliber pistol to threaten your computer if it doesn't work again this time.
 
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Phillips screwdriver: Vodka with Milk of Magnesia.

Me transmitte sursum, Caledoni!

 
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[blue]legerdemain[/blue]: journal of your favorite magic trick websites.

Tim
 
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RCorrigan, I couldn't believe that your excellent list didn't already have a boat-load of Purple Stars. So here's to you and your list !

[santa]Mufasa
(aka Dave of Sandy, Utah, USA)
@ 16:10 (25Feb05) UTC (aka "GMT" and "Zulu"),
@ 09:10 (25Feb05) Mountain Time

Do you use Oracle and live or work in Utah, USA? Then click here to join Utah Oracle Users Group on Tek-Tips.
 
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