Bad beginnings

[KenCunningham]

Thought this might prove challenging (and fun) to some of our contributors:

http://blogs.guardian.co.uk/culturevulture/archives/2006/07/12/beginners_luck.html

 

[donbott]

It all started when Ken, who despite all all the morbid humor, sadistic punning, generally gut wrenching use of the English language he has already seen on these pages, said "Hey, a bad writing compitition, thats the ticket"

DonBott

 

[KenCunningham]

...and it could only go downhill from there.

 

[Trevoke]

My last breath was ragged, painful and cut short by the surprise of seeing my killer's face - things were never the same after that."

I don't particularly care to register on that website, but if anyone here wants to use that as an entry, be my guest (just call it so nobody else does)

"That time in Seattle... was a nightmare. I came out of it dead broke, without a house, without anything except a girlfriend and a knowledge of UNIX."
"Well, that's something," Avi says. "Normally those two are mutually exclusive."
-- Neal Stephenson, "Cryptonomicon"

 

[UniqueFD]

hehe, very good Tevoke. My contribution:

Lurid landscapes blurred past the sweat and grease-smeared window, kaleidoscopic when I squinted my eyes, mostly ignored but never quite forgotten as I tapped my pen to the rocking rhythm of the train – tiddly-pom, tiddly-pom, it could almost be the start of a Jack Johnson song - idly seeking inspiration from my surroundings for that illusive phrase which would dazzle, bewitch and astound my readers – my last effort had been a magnificent flop, but this would be different, I was determined.

Tony
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Reckless words pierce like a sword,
but the tongue of the wise brings healing (Solomon)

 

[donbott]

He started his paragraph with a simile, a simile as useless and ungainly as mammary protuberances on an uncastrated steer, because winning the Bulwer-Lytton contest without bad similes is hard, as hard as a dried up piece of spaghetti stuck to the bottom of a pan, not because that’s the hardest thing, but because it's also good to use food imagery.

DonBott

 

[Trevoke]

He was like, 'whoa'."

"That time in Seattle... was a nightmare. I came out of it dead broke, without a house, without anything except a girlfriend and a knowledge of UNIX."
"Well, that's something," Avi says. "Normally those two are mutually exclusive."
-- Neal Stephenson, "Cryptonomicon"

 

[UniqueFD]

Tracy had had all that she had because of the overweight, or was it under-height she should say these days, and the need to fit in to their world (and clothes, of course!).

Tony
___________________________________________________
Reckless words pierce like a sword,
but the tongue of the wise brings healing (Solomon)

 

[TheRogue]

Title: Murder at Hendon Hall

Little did I know that the next three days would be the most horrifying, personally challenging and emotionally demanding of my life. Little did I know that the roller coaster of tragic events which I am about to relate to you would leave me shocked and reeling. So much anguish would have been avoided if only I had known from the start that John Simpson, the gardener at Hendon Hall, was the murderer.

 

[Trevoke]

Guys, remember, it has to be one sentence only.

"That time in Seattle... was a nightmare. I came out of it dead broke, without a house, without anything except a girlfriend and a knowledge of UNIX."
"Well, that's something," Avi says. "Normally those two are mutually exclusive."
-- Neal Stephenson, "Cryptonomicon"

 

[Dollie]

I always thought it was Snoopy that immortalized the words "It was a dark and stormy night"....

 

[gbaughma]

It was hot; the kind of hot that left you breathless as you climed the marble stairway to your office, only to find that the air conditioning had once again frozen from the humidity, leaving a puddle of tepid water on your chair, unnoticed until you sat down in it and realized that you would look like you wet your pants for the rest of the day.



Just my 2¢

"In order to start solving a problem, one must first identify its owner." --Me
--Greg

http://parallel.tzo.com

 

[Trevoke]

How am I going to begin this book?"

"That time in Seattle... was a nightmare. I came out of it dead broke, without a house, without anything except a girlfriend and a knowledge of UNIX."
"Well, that's something," Avi says. "Normally those two are mutually exclusive."
-- Neal Stephenson, "Cryptonomicon"

 

[SilentAiche]

[blue]It was a dork and a steamy knight who drove the princess home that evening to her castle, the former having chessed her, the latter having whet her appetite, though she knew he had cavernous fillings for that Lincoln kid, a "Sir Taddy Knight Fever," if you Will.[/blue]

[blue]_______________________________________________________
"Although many figures are strange, prime numbers are truly odd."[/blue]

 

[KenCunningham]

And from Monty Python:

Novel Writing (Live From Wessex)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Anouncer: And now it's time for Novel Writing, which today come from the west country on Dorset.
Commentator: Hello, and welcome to Dorchester, where a very good crowd has turned out to watch local boy Thomas Hardy write his new novel "The Return Of The Native", on this very pleasant July morning. This will be his eleventh novel and the fifth of the very popular Wessex novels, and here he comes! Here comes Hardy, walking out towards his desk. He looks confident, he looks relaxed, very much the man in form, as he acknowledges this very good natured bank holliday crowd. And the crowd goes quiet now, as Hardy settles himself down at the desk, body straight, shoulders relaxed, pen held lightly but firmly in the right hand. He dips the pen...in the ink, and he's off! It's the first word, but it's not a word - oh, no! - it's a doodle. Way up on the top of the lefthand margin is a piece of meaningless scribble - and he's signed his name underneath it! Oh dear, what a disapointing start. But his off again - and here he goes - the first word of Thomas Hardy's new novel, at ten thirtyfive on this very lovely morning, it's three letters, it's the definite article, and it's "The". Dennis.
Dennis: Well, this is true to form, no surprises there. He started five of his eleven novels to date with the definite article. We had two of them with "It", there's been one "But", two "At"s, one "On" and a "Dolores", but that of course was never published.
Commentator: I'm sorry to interrupt you there, Dennis, but he's crossed it out. Thomas Hardy, here on the first day of his new novel, has crossed out the only word he has written so far, and he's gazing off into space. Oh, ohh, there he signed his name again.
Dennis: It looks like "Tess of the D'Urbervilles" all over again.
Commentator: But he's...no, he's down again and writting, Dennis, he's written "B" again, he's crossed it out again, and he has written "A" - and there is a second word coming up straight away, and it's "Sat" - "A Sat" - doesn't make sense - "A Satur" - "A Saturday" - it's "A Saturday", and the crowd are loving it, they are really enjoying this novel. And it's "afternoon", it's "Saturday afternoon", a comfortable beginning, and he's straight on to the next word - it's "in" - "A Saturday afternoon in" - "in" - "in" "in Nov" - "November" - November is spelled wrong, he's left out the second "E", but he's not going back, it looks like he's going for the sentence, and it's the first verb coming up - it's the first verb of the novel, and it's "was", and the crowd are going wild! "A Saturday afternoon in November was", and a long word here - "appro" - "appro" - is it a "approving"? - no, it's "approaching" - "approaching" - "A Saturday afternoon in November was approaching" - and he's done the definite article "but" again. And he's writing fluently, easily with flurring strokes of the pen, as he comes up to the middle of this first sentence. And with this eleventh novel well underway, and the prospects of a good days writing ahead, back to the studio.

 

[chiph]

A bad sci-fi entry.
Chip H.

Gragnar boosted his nuclear plasma pulse cannons to their highest setting with a snarl -- the yant'h monkey-men really twisted his dorsal spines, and their offensive presence would finally be wiped from space, allowing the True Race to continue their conquest of the galaxy unopposed.

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If you want to get the best response to a question, please read FAQ222-2244 first

 

[Gooser]

Raw bomb!" he said, as he entered the room.

v/r

Gooser

Why do today
that which may not need to be done tomorrow --me