We ask the wrong questions

[ncotton]

I always wonder why we chose to ask questions that we dont REALLY mean.

The best example of this is

"Have you got the time?"

You really don't care whether he has the time. Not to mention nobody HAS the time.

This is also asked as

"Do you know the time?"
You're not bothered if the person knows the time. YOU want to know the time.

The question you really should be asking is

Could you please tell me the time

Why don't we ask this. Is it because it is demanding an action of them. And it appears rude to command an action as part of a question in the first instance.

You also may not know if they know what time it is/have a watch clock visible.

This isn't a discussion about pointless rhetorical questions, but questions we don't mean.

Have you any other examples, and why do we ask things the way we do.

Also, instances of questions asked as a form of direction. By this I mean when we ask a question, when there is no option of an answer. This is slightly different from rhetorical, and isn't truely classed as "leading" by deffinition.

An example of this is if you go to an eatery without a reservation and ask for a table. They may say

"We will have a table available in 10 minutes. Would you like to wait?" <that is fine>
"Yes. That would be great."
"Would you like to take a seat at the bar?" This is not a question, this is a direction, he is not offering an alternative, but still asked as a question.

Another example of this phrasing is using the words...

...Could I ask you....to take a seat at the bar, untill your table is ready?

Again, no options are infered?


[TOPIC OPEN]

Neil J Cotton
Technical Consultant
Anix Group Ltd

 

[rjoubert]

I have a friend who, when asked if he knows the time, will simply answer "Yes" and not actually give the time. Well, he answered the question.

 

[SantaMufasa]

Much of the English language contains figures of speech, colloquialism, and accepted phrases of tradition that, under full analyses, become silly or trivial.

Besides your example ("Have you got the time?"), which represents profoundly poor grammar ("Have...got..."), there are other such phrases:

"How do you do?/How's it going?/What's up?" (Typically greetings more than sincere interest in how one "does" or how things are going.)

"Have a good day." (A phrase in parting rather than sincere interest in whether the recipient has a good day.)

"Make up your mind." (How does one "make up" their mind...Are we not really asking another to "decide"?)

We apply animal characteristics to people:
"S/he is a (fox, chicken, pig, sloth, dog, rat, snake, whale, cow, ox, moose, owl, wolf, tiger, bottom dweller, sheepish, mouse, turtle, snail, ham, hog, lionhearted, bookworm, cuckoo, dodo, shark, weasel, shrew, urchin, skunk, worm, kid, dinosaur, yellow-bellied lizard, turkey, shrimp)". Each term carries its own meaning, certainly not literal when applied to humans.

We apply "fruity" adjectives and nouns to situations: "a fruit, big banana, apple, lemon, a pickle, pumpkin, The Big Apple, The apple of my eye, sour grapes, melon, nuts, cucumber, peach, peachy, crabapple"; but we are not talking of the real thing when using these appellations.

"He is black-hearted, yellow belly is red-faced and green with envy,"...few of these terms are literal...

...but nonetheless, we understand them, live with them, and often, love to use them, despite their possibly being poor English or far from literal truth.





Mufasa
(aka Dave of Sandy, Utah, USA)
[I provide low-cost, remote Database Administration services: www.dasages.com]

 

[ESquared]

"Could you please tell me the time"

Yes, I could.

It's funny that the question you propose as the answer to the problem has the same problem. This highlights that the social convention is to respect the person's obvious wish to know the time and simply respond with that information. If you are expecting people to tell you the time when you say "could you please tell me the time" then you are in ample position to speculate about why others expect to hear the time when they say "have you got the time?"

In fact, I would like to ask you this: Why did you choose to ask a question that you didn't REALLY mean? The answer may be helpful to the discussion.

If I depart from my usual literal bent and ask "do you know what time it is?" and the person determines to joke and responds "yes" or something, I merely and instantly come back with "what time is it?" as if I had not asked the original question. The person then looks more of a joker (with bells and suit) than a jokester and it hardly took any more of my effort or time to get the answer I was seeking. I also feel no frustration, either, since I perceive that I have won at the person's own game (my superfast response putting him on notice that I know what he is about, that his question was pre-accomodated and no trouble to my equanimity or aplomb).

It's interesting that my perspective has changed, since I used to be someone who would answer such questions with what I thought was wit (and not the time as requested). No longer.

I do not believe there is any clever misinterpretation of "what time is it?"

If you wish to tack on please, that works, too:

What time is it, please?

[COLOR=#aa88aa black]Cum catapultae proscriptae erunt tum soli proscript catapultas habebunt.[/color]

 

[rjoubert]

Can I ask you a question?

I believe you just did.

I believe the only way to get around that one is to just ask the question right off the bat.

 

[LNBruno]

Can I ask you a question?

You mean "May I?"

Yes. Sorry. May I ask you a question?

No.

< M!ke >
I am not a hamster and life is not a wheel.

 

[KornGeek]

The best response to the question of "Do you know what time it is?" comes from Steven Wright.

Yes, but not right now.

 

[Rofeu]

I must admit that on many an occassion, I reply to the question asked rather than comply to the intention of the question.

Truly the only way is to avcoid this is to take action yourself. (if you're dealing with an annoying upstart like myself )

"Do you have a cigarette?"
"Yes, I do"
.....
"Can I have one?"
"Sure!"
.....
"Can you give me one, please?"
"Probably"
.....
"GIVE ME A CIGARETTE!!!"
"Hey! You're not my boss!"
.....

Now, if he'd have just taken the pack from my pocket and taken one, I would not have stopped him.

Cheers,

Roel

 

[LNBruno]

Boy critical after being shot by mom

Well, who could blame him?

< M!ke >
I am not a hamster and life is not a wheel.

 

[Turkbear]

Hi,

Don't tell your friends about your indigestion:
'How Are You' is a greeting, not a question.

To Paraphrase:"The Help you get is proportional to the Help you give.."

 

[donbott]

If I tell you I made Chili yesterday don't ask me how it came out.

DonBott

Does not play well with others

 

[Thadeus]

[wife] What do you want to do about dinner?
[thad] Eat it.
I've been responding that way for 17 years... every time I do, she sighs heavily.
To E²'s point, I thought it wit at first too. Now it's tradition.

Another, oldie, but goody in my house:
[wife]What time do you want to get up? (meaning awaken)
[thad]In the morning
[wife] --sigh--

~Thadeus

 

[ESquared]

Q: What are we having for dinner?
A: Food.
A2: Something edible, I hope.


[COLOR=#aa88aa black]Cum catapultae proscriptae erunt tum soli proscript catapultas habebunt.[/color]

 

[stubnski]

That reminds me of my parents -

[mom] What do you want for dinner?
[dad] Food
[mom] How does a knuckle sandwich sound?


Stubnski

 

[ESquared]

Wife: What should I wear to church?
Me: Clothes, I should hope.

[COLOR=#aa88aa black]Cum catapultae proscriptae erunt tum soli proscript catapultas habebunt.[/color]

 

[stackdump]

On the same topic, the same responses prevail in the stack household. I get these responses with monotonous regularity...

"Can you pass the salt"
"Yes"

"Stick that over there please"
"Do you have some glue?"

"What day is Xmas this year?"
"The 25th"

"Have you lived here all of your life?"
"No, not yet"

"Is it raining outside?"
"Why do say 'outside'?"

"How many people work here?"
"About half"

"I didn't come here to be insulted"
"Where do you normally go?"

"I've never been so insulted in my life!"
"You should get out more"

"That can't be right, surely"
"Don't call be surely"

"Isn't it muggy today"
"Not it's Thursgy actually"

"I'm a dab hand at that"
"You hide it well"

"Are you feeling sleepy?"
"I never touched him!" (same for grumpy, happy etc.)

"What's on the TV?"
"A lamp and a photo of the dog"

"Put the TV on"
"I can't, it won't fit"

"Mikey's left his girlfriend"
"Whereabouts?"

"Your boss is on the phone"
"Is he comfortable"

"The fires gone out"
"ok, I'll have a word with it when it comes back"

"She's got three kids"
"Oh, one of each then"

"Go and make the bed"
"I need some wood, a hammer and nails"

etc. etc.

 

[ESquared]

stackdump,

I love it!

Not getting "She's got three kids" though.

[COLOR=black #d0d0d0]When I walk, I sometimes bump into things. I am closing my eyes so that the room will be empty.[/color]

 

[SantaMufasa]

Erik,

"She's got three kids...one of each..." (Male, female, and undecided.) <grin>

When we had just three kids, that's how I would answer the question, "Do you have children?"

"Yes, we have three...One of each."

Mufasa
(aka Dave of Sandy, Utah, USA)
[I provide low-cost, remote Database Administration services: www.dasages.com]

 

[ESquared]

Oh, well the difference between that one and all the others was that the others had language which could be twisted to an alternate meaning. "she's got three kids" doesn't have any suitable alternate meanings besides kids=goats, as far as I can see.

[COLOR=black #d0d0d0]When I walk, I sometimes bump into things. I am closing my eyes so that the room will be empty.[/color]

 

[stackdump]

It doesnt't stop there either because I also get the 'loaded bluff' questions too;

Wife: "Would you like a cup of coffee?"
Me: "Yes"
Wife: "Well while you're making it get me one too"

Son: "Are you going out tonight?"
Me: "Nope"
Son: "Oh good, cos I am and that means I can take your car"

Son: "Do you fancy a beer?"
Me: "No, it's a bit late"
Son: "Just as well, as I had the last bottle earlier"

Wife: "Do you need anything at the store?"
Me: "Just some beers"
Wife: "In that case can you get the stuff on this list too"

Wife: "The dog seems restless"
Me: "Yes"
Wife: "Perhaps it would like a walk round the block"
Me: "Maybe"
Wife: "ok, don't be gone too long"

Wife: "If you get a free moment, can you fix this?"
Me: "ok"
Wife: "Anytime will be fine"
Me: "ok"
Wife: "But sooner rather than later"
Me: "ok"
Wife: "Now would be a particularly good time"

In the middle of a disagreement...
Me: "Are you saying it's my fault?"
Wife: "It really doesn't matter which of us is at fault"
Me: "ok, but is it your fault?"
Wife: "No"