Unfair treatment to those with children in IT? 8

[BeckahC]

I am just wondering if this seems to happen to anyone else out there. I used to be considered an excellent programer, got excellent reviews and raises yearly. I had a baby earlier this year and now all of a sudden I am doing the same work (if not more) and being berated, given poor reviews and no raise this year at all!

I would not have considered that this was because of my new family status if my boss had not said that it seemed to him that I am thinking more of my family than of work! Which is true, but still ridiculous to note! I still do all of my work well and on time and all of the users of my programs are totally satisfied, as always... the only thing that has seemed to change is my boss's attitude towards me. The real kicker is that he seems to be doing the same thing to another woman in the group who had her baby a couple of months before me.

I am thinking this might be illegal, but am afraid to comment on it or I might get fired or "laid off" and I really need the benefits from this position, even though the pay is barely enough to cover childcare!

Any ideas, suggetions, kindred spirits out there?

BeckahC

 

[SQLSister]

Everyone has their own values and makes their own choices in life. Work has always been extremely important to me and having children has never been a goal, so perhaps I'm not the right person to spout off on this issue. But being me, I will anyway!

While it is difficult to have everything all at once, you can have things at different stages of your life. Perhaps you need to just back off from your career for awhile while the chilren are small, not stop working but treat it more like a job and less like a career and then move back into full career advancement mode after the chilren are older.

Sometimes we get locked into this idea that if we don't do things now, they are never possibilites for the future. Having reinvented my career several times, I can tell you there are many more possibilites out there than we often give ourselves credit for having.

Raising chilren well is critical if you choose to have them and it is time sensitive while your career (ageism aside, but you can run into that whether you have chilren or not) is not so much. If I had chosen to have chilren, I would have made them my first priority over my career; they deserve no less. The career will be available later when they are older.

 

[Onyxpurr]

Is that possible though given the choice of career? It is a very competitive market, and in order to stay in the game, you need to stay abreast of the latest technologies.

Also, isn't it difficult, considering the morons out there, who are less willing to give a person a good job given the circumstances while raising the children?

 

[butchrecon]

A good leader would understand and that changes to an employee occur. Whether it is changes in familial or personal changes. These changes can prove beneficial to the company. Maybe not in direct terms, but more indirect. Many women have a personality change after having a child. Dedication to not only family, but to employment increase. This dedication can in turn turn into better performance on the job. Granted there will be times when a mom will need to leave and take care of a sick child, but that does not mean that most mothers wont make it up. I am not saying that all women are like this. This type of behavior can be predicted based on the type of employee she was before she had a child. Good employees who have great reviews will tend to perform overall better in the long run. Good leadership recognizes this and accepts it.(But not every company has good leadership unfortunately). My point is women with children in my opinion can make really good and dedicated employees if treated fairly.

James Collins
Systems Analyst
A+, MCP, MCSA, Network+

 

[butchrecon]

Note to self......Proof read...Proof read.....PROOF READ!

James Collins
Systems Analyst
A+, MCP, MCSA, Network+

 

[BeckahC]

Hi -
Sorry I was away so long. I was quite sick last week and worked from my bed at home.

I think everyone is making excellent points about this. I wish we had saved enough that losing my joib for a while would not be as much of a problem, but we didn't. I will have to wait until next month to find out what will happen. My boss doesn't tend to talk to me much unless we're in a big meeting and I have something to contribute or we're doing a review. I am due for my re-review in Jan. At which time I will find out if I will continue to have a job or not.

I can say that if they do fire me, I might very well have some recourse in law suits, but I do hope they just go ahead and make it a layoff, as that would be better and easier on all involved.

I feel badly for my users - most of whom I have developed a rapor with and even friendships with over the years. They don't have anyone capable of fully taking my place who can do what I do. So They will be losing a valuable resource just because of my boss's grudge again mommy's and perhaps against me personally... Kind of a "cutting off his nose to spite his own face" sort of situation.


butchrecon -
I agree, they need to learn to appreciate the changes instead of fearing them. I feel no loyalty to my company anymore, whereas had you asked me at this time last year I would have said I would be retiring from here. I used to be very excited to go to work in the morning and try this or that and speak with this person or that person about some DB modifications, etc... Now I dread it, just dread it.


BeckahC

 

[butchrecon]

Then you defiantly need to get out. If you do not like your job and feel miserable there it will ALWAYS carry over to home life. You may not think so but it does. You will become irritable after work, maybe even a bit short or snippy. It does not happen every night, but it does happen. I am speaking from experience. I thought I was fine, but my wife warned me and one night I finally realized it when I yelled at my 5 year old for asking a question. Now I have a new job and am a lot happier.

It will come. All things work out in the end. Doors open up and opportunities present themselves.

James Collins
Systems Analyst
A+, MCP, MCSA, Network+

 

[BeckahC]

Thanks
I figure I'll wait and see what happens in Jan. While quietly and subtly job hunting. If I get fired or laid off, I will be one step ahead in the process. If I don't, then I will step up the job search and find another place anyway. This is a BAD time of year to be out of work.

I do know what you mean about it affecting home life though. I have been a real crank lately! My 11mo old seems to forgive me, but I still need to change!

BeckahC

 

[BeckahC]

Well, just wanted to come by and update...

My boss put off my review again. He is now only concentrating on my attendance. I believe he finally asked around and realized he would not have a leg to stand on if he attacked my abilities as a programmer. Instead he forgets that I was working at home (with e-mails and other work and coding and files to show for it) more than 75% of the days I took off last year and says my attendance needs improvement.

Could be worse, I suppose... so no raise yet, no re-review either. PLUS I was denied a couple of hours off so I could go to my daughter's school and celebrate her 1st birthday with her and her class! :-( Not sure why or how 1-2 hours would have affected my attendance, we don't get charged for partial days, and I would skip lunch so that we'd be talking 1 hr... I suppose I should not complain about it though, I DO still have a job, as little as it pays.

SQL and ASP are not exactly antiquated skills... I should be able to find something else out there this year

BeckahC

 

[philote]

Hi BeckahC,
I really hate to hear that there's people like your boss out there, especially ones in such high positions. Since nothing's gotten better in the last few months, I'd definitely consider going to your HR department or even writing an e-mail/letter to your boss's superior. I doubt it could make things worse at this point. Just make sure you have all the notes handy that you've been making. It would be better if you could convince the other women having this problem to do the same.

Also, would it be possible for you to do contract work for your users if you do lose your job? That way you would still have an income and be employed while finding another, and probably better, job.

And finally, I agree that Natural is a hard language to learn. In my last job, just before I left, I was learning Natural. It was like nothing I'd ever seen! I had done some C++ and Java programming, and had already learned Vision Builder (formerly Mark IV) in that position, but Natural was extremely unnatural for me.

 

[mrdenny]

BeckahC, without knowning what state (or country) you live in, the laws may be a little different. Here in California there is a state agency that you can file complaints with. It's a divitation of the state labor board.

By filing a complaint with the state you get some insulation from back lash by the manager and company. It also give you some recource in the event that something does happen, such as you loose your job.

I would definetly check with the state. Try calling city hall. The operator there should be able to tell you what department of the state goverment to talk to. Or at least tell you who to talk to.

Some people may say not to get the state involved right off the bat. But it's the only way to protect yourself.

Denny

--Anything is possible. All it takes is a little research. (Me)

 

[BeckahC]

Ok... another update...

All of a sudden, I'm wonderful again. Very confusing, but a pleasant surprise, I suppose. According to my boss the past few weeks I have been showing over 100% improvement and I should keep up the great work and he is very happy with my improvements, etc.

My review is now scheduled for 7/7/04, at which time I have made up my mind that if I do not get a good raise I will leave! For now, I need the benefits - medical, dental, 401k, life insurance, dependant care FSA, etc.

So I guess I am back in the good graces as they say for now... not sure what the future holds, but I hope to get past this and if I do stay with this company long term, I hope to get the heck out of this group and away from this manager ASAP!

Thanks everyone!

BeckahC

 

[CajunCenturion]

Great news BeckahC, and I hope that your review goes well and that you get what you deserve.

Good Luck
--------------
As a circle of light increases so does the circumference of darkness around it. - Albert Einstein

 

[Onyxpurr]

Ditto!!!

 

[BJCooperIT]

Wonderful news. Maybe someone pointed your boss to this thread. Hmmmm........

[sup]Beware of false knowledge; it is more dangerous than ignorance.[/sup][sup] ~George Bernard Shaw[/sup]
Consultant/Custom Forms & PL/SQL - Oracle 8.1.7 - Windows 2000

 

[BeckahC]

I doubt it... finding me posting here while working would likely be grounds for termination - he sees "tek-tips" as a site I go to and thinks I am looking stuff up and getting new and innovative ideas for work... and quite often I am... but sometimes I need to blow off some steam too! ;-)

BeckahC

 

[mrdenny]

Congrats.

Denny

--Anything is possible. All it takes is a little research. (Me)

 

[shannanl]

First I would step back and take a good look at your job performance. Has anything changed? Are you still at 100% of where you were before the baby? If so, and you honestly mean that, then I would say that he has/had a thing for you and now that you had the baby that is gone. This may sound cruel but have you put on a lot of weight or changed your physical appearance? If he has a problem with your work performance then he needs to put it in writing. What have I changed? "Thinking of your family" is not enough. What points of my job description am I not doing or not doing well? Hold his feet to the fire.

Shannan

 

[grande]

Shannanl, I recommend you look at the date at the top.

BechkaC, any big plans for you son/daughter's second birthday?

-------------------------
Just call me Captain Awesome.

 

[Stella740pl]

I recommend you look at the date at the top.
You might also want to click on the OP's handle to check when was the last time she logged in.

 

[grande]

Hmmm... It seems I am also a fool.

-------------------------
Just call me Captain Awesome.