Things you say that just don't sound right... 1

[wahnula]

I've been lurking in this forum for quite a while, and thoroughly enjoy the discussions on the English language (and others). I thought I'd chime in with one of my favorites.

My gaffe, in perfect English, was answering a question from my wife on her appearance before a night out...I replied "There's nothing you can do to make yourself look any better".

I meant well, and luckily she has a sense of humor. No way out of this one otherwise. Has anyone else heard themselves saying something that sounded like (or could be construed as) the complete opposite of their intent?

Tony

Users helping Users...

 

[SantaMufasa]

I recall a software salesperson one time who was attempting to convince me that my paying annual maintence (which included no-additional-charge upgrades) was worthwhile. In his enthusiasm, he effused:

Each new version is far better than the next.

Needless to say, I did not buy the maintenance.

Mufasa
(aka Dave of Sandy, Utah, USA)
[I provide low-cost, remote Database Administration services: www.dasages.com]

 

[ncotton]

The phrase "Nobody is better than you".....if punctuated as so "Nobody, is better than you" could mean that having nobody, would be better than having you.

Neil J Cotton
Technical Consultant
Anix

 

[LizSara]

Funnily enough i've used that recently Neil ;-)

I say things that come out wrong all the time, but usually with a rude second meaning.

"Whoever battles with monsters had better see that it does not turn him into a monster. And if you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you." ~ Nietzsche"

 

[ChrisHunt]

Remember when they used to advertise with

Nothing works faster than Anadin

I generally take nothing when I have a headache. It takes a while to have an effect, but at least it's faster than Anadin!

-- Chris Hunt
Webmaster & Tragedian
Extra Connections Ltd

 

[Opieo]

I always liked the little quote to try to help avoid situations like those:

"If I ever say something that could be taken two ways, and one of them in any way is rude, insulting, or harmful, I meant the other one."

~
Chuck Norris is the reason Waldo is hiding.

 

[ncotton]

Op... what if you were trying to offend?

and they say "Thank you."

Neil J Cotton
Technical Consultant
Anix

 

[flapeyre]

My explanation for such situations is,

"I'm sorry; I have a big mouth. Has to be for my feet to fit in it."

Da mihi sis crustum Etruscum cum omnibus in eo.

 

[ncotton]

my mouth's a shovel.... it keeps digging it's self holes"

Neil J Cotton
Technical Consultant
Anix

 

[LNBruno]

Every time I open my mouth, both feet fall out.

I got into programming because I'm just not a freaking people person! ;-)

< M!ke >
[small]First Rule of Holes: When you're in one, stop digging.[/small]

 

[Michael52x]

{"my mouth's a shovel.... it keeps digging it's self holes"}
Ha! What is a "self hole"? Kidding, i really liked lizsarah using "funnily". Say it real fast ten times!
I could care less, but just how much less can there be past the least amount of caring? How much is that? Apparently I care about that, so I guess I "could'nt" care less.


"Impatience will reward you with dissatisfaction" RMS Cosmics'97

 

[AnotherHiggins]

[tab][off topic]
Here I go being a pedantic prick, but I've seen the spelling "it's self" at least three times in the last few days and it's driving me crazy.

Two problems with that spelling:

-The possessive form of "it" doesn't have an apostrophe, it's just "its" (Note: The contraction of "it is" does have an apostrophe)

- More to the point, "Itself" is a word unto itself.

I hope that didn't seem rude.
[tab][/offtopic]

The OP reminds me of an SNL sketch. I think it was from the mid-80s-ish, and I think Billy Crystal was in it. I can't find a video or transcript, or any information, online, which kind of surprises me since I've always liked it and remember it all these years later. Anyway, here's the gist of the sketch:

A guy (or maybe two guys, I can't remember) who works at a nuclear power plant is retiring to some tropical island. He is giving last minute instructions to the group of people who will be taking over the control room.

Over and over again he tells them, "You'll be fine as long as you just remember: you can't put too much water into the reactor core."

Everyone nods that they understand.

After he leaves, an argument breaks out over what they've been told. Some of the people thought he meant, "You mustn't put too much water in" while others heard, "There's no such thing as too much water".

Panic ensues.

Cut to the man (I think maybe two men) sitting on a beach, wondering aloud how the old gang is getting along....

*BOOM*

There's a blinding light and a mushroom cloud on the horizon.


[tt]_____
[blue]-John[/blue][/tt]
[tab][red]The plural of anecdote is not data[/red]

Help us help you. Please read FAQ 181-2886 before posting.

 

[gbaughma]

My daughter once said to me "Don't underestimate my intelligence!"

I said to her, "Honey, there is no way that I could underestimate your intelligence."

She said "That's more like it! <pause.....> HEY!"



Just my 2¢
-Cole's Law: Shredded cabbage

--Greg

http://parallel.tzo.com

 

[wahnula]

Lots of great replies, thanks all for the welcoming gesture. I guess there is no cabal in this forum!

My boss has a way of mixing sayings, but the funny part is they are usually better than the original. "It's like pulling tooth and nail" is one of my favorites.

Here in Texas there's a lot of mauling of the English language, but that's a topic for another post.

Tony

Users helping Users...

 

[tcsbiz]

We have a local radio commercial for a dentist that uses the tage line:

"Call someone who cares."

It's intent is to imply that the dentist is someone who cares but I always take it that we should call someone else if we want someone who cares. I laugh every time I hear it.

 

[SantaMufasa]

Although one cannot interpret these two questions in any manner differently from their original intention, they should, nonetheless, disappear from the English language:

"How old is your grandchild?"

and

"When is your baby due?"

Mufasa
(aka Dave of Sandy, Utah, USA)
[I provide low-cost, remote Database Administration services: www.dasages.com]

 

[ESquared]

Ah! You want us to practice tergiversation!


I can recommend this person with no qualifications whatsoever.

It's amazing how thrifty you are in spending your cognitive load budget.

Some say that America is brilliant.

I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.

 

[wahnula]

Good ones Dave. I just read a real ad this weekend for a local furniture house, whose owner, Mattress Mack, is a local celebrity for his ads where he shakes a fistful of cash at you and yells "GALLERY FURNITURE SAVES YOU MONEY!!!"

In his defense, he does do a lot for city charity causes around the Houston area, but his store is like a circus! There is no way that you can claim low overhead when your store features live music, free food, celebrities, and an auto racing team.

Oh well, back to the ad: "We lose a little on every sale but we make it up in VOLUME!"

Always wondered about that one...

Tony

Users helping Users...

 

[SamBones]

I've always heard that a comment that sounds like a compliment, but is really an insult, is called a "left handed compliment".

Example, you stare longingly across the table at your date and say, "You have one of the most beautiful eyes I've ever seen".

A little more heavy handed, I think Jeff Foxworthy said it, "Boy! You don't sweat much for a fat girl!"

 

[AngelB]

There were (maybe still are) some mint chocolates sold in the UK with the name 'Mingles'. Their tag-line in the advert was 'You just can't eat a single mingle', making it sound like they were so bad you couldn't even eat one of them.


Geraint

The lights are on but nobody's home, my elevator doesn't go to the top. I'm not playing with a full deck, I've lost my marbles. Barenaked Ladies - Crazy