Sympathy Card Etiquette 1

[Thadeus]

Hello!
So I came across this quiz and failed abysmally. I did answer honest to my opinions and did not try to beat the test. See how you do and maybe bring a thought or two from the quiz back for discussion...

I personally think they have it wrong on more than one instance.
A sample true or false question:
8. Proper grammar and sentence structure should not be tantamount concerns when writing a sympathy card.
It sets a poor argument because the inverse would be that grammar and sentence structure should be tantamount... which isn't what someone would argue. A better question would be:
n. Proper grammar and sentence structure should be important considerations when writing a sympathy card.
To me, this would be an obvious True. Because they ought to always be important considerations... not utmost or tantamount in most situations, but important, yes.

P.S. Having said all of that, I aplogize for my poor sentence structure and grammar in this (and many of my other) post(s).

~Thadeus

 

[Welshbird]

I got 10 out of 14, but I thought some of the questions were a bit daft to be honest.

The rules of etiquette may be appropriate in some cases, but sending a card to people you know well means that you already know what is best to say to them.

You just can't generalise surely?

Fee

The question should be [red]Is it worth trying to do?[/red] not [blue] Can it be done?[/blue]

 

[columb]

From my experience of bereavement it comes down to three 'rules'
[ol]
[li]Speak from the heart[/li]
[li]Don't speak ill of the dead[/li]
[li]Remember, bereavement is not a disease, and is not contageous[/li]
[/ol]
Some of the rules in the quiz seem to me to be just plain wrong. I would have been gutted if certain friends had used their full names (q5). They've always been Steve and Penny, why should that change just because my mother died? Wouldn't it make them more distant just when I needed my best friends close?

Ceci n'est pas une signature
Columb Healy

 

[KenCunningham]

Perhaps columb's:

Don't speak ill of the dead

sums it up best. Try not to word your sympathy card along the lines of "Sorry old so-and-so's dead, but he did tend towards hyperchondria didn't he?"

and you should get along fine.

I'm really having problems with 'tantamount' in this context - not exactly a good advertisement for the advice given, in my view. Perhaps they meant main?

I don't mind people who aren't what they seem. I just wish they'd make their mind up.

 

[CajunCenturion]

==> 8. Proper grammar and sentence structure should not be tantamount concerns when writing a sympathy card.
I think using 'tantamount' underscores why this is a true statement. Proper grammar should not be very important, and definitely not tantamount, in a sympathy card. In a sympathy card, I would think it's far more effective to be personal.

For what it's worth, I scored an 8 on the quiz.

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[KenCunningham]

Seems to me they meant paramount, rather than tantamount.

I don't mind people who aren't what they seem. I just wish they'd make their mind up.

 

[CajunCenturion]

==> Seems to me they meant paramount, rather than tantamount.
I think you're right Ken, and I read it and processed it as paramount.
Good catch.

That being said, I still think the correct answer is true. Being personal should be above all else in a sympathy card.

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[KenCunningham]

Couldn't agree more, CC, and thanks for the star.

I don't mind people who aren't what they seem. I just wish they'd make their mind up.

 

[flapeyre]

I got 8 out of 14.

10. If, for whatever reason, you can't send a thank you note, what is a common (and accepted) alternative?

Correct Answer: An email

I disagree with that. To me, an e-mail is not as personal as a handwritten note.


Feles mala! Cur cista non uteris? Stramentum novum in ea posui!

 

[AnotherHiggins]

I passed the test, but with only 8 "correct".

Is it just me, or did they *also* get the wording wrong on question 10?

10. If, for whatever reason, you can't send a [highlight]thank you note[/highlight], what is a common (and accepted) alternative?
a.A pre-printed [highlight]condolence card[/highlight] purchased from a funeral home
b.An email
c.A phone call
d.Sending your verbal [highlight]condolence[/highlight] via another friend or family member

Which are they asking about: The grieving sending a thank you, or a friend sending a condolence?

Using tantamount rather than paramount, using Thank you rather than condolence.... What, exactly, are the folks at this site experts of?

[tt]_____
[blue]-John[/blue][/tt]
[tab][red]The plural of anecdote is not data[/red]

Help us help you. Please read FAQ181-2886 before posting.

 

[strongm]

Yep, I got 8 out of 14 as well - but I agree with columb about Q5 and with flapeyre about Q10

 

[Stella740pl]

flapeyre,

From the name of the quiz and choices they offered for this questions, I tend to think they mean a sympathy card, not a thank you note.

And they ask not about the best alternative, but about a common, etiquette-accepted alternative, which is a differnt thing.

I do agree that for a thank you not, the most common alternative is an e-mail. I, personally, prefer it - along with a phone call - to the paper thank you note, as a card seems too official for family and friends (but just right for, say, coworkers).

But if they really meant sympathy card, then I also don't agree with an e-mail being the most common alternative. I think the answer should be a phone call then, if you cannot make a personal visit.

 

[flapeyre]

Well, I also think a phone call would be better than an e-mail. To me, e-mail is less personal than a phone call.

Stella:

I'm just saying that my etiquette standards preclude the e-mail option. It strikes me as somewhat impersonal.

Feles mala! Cur cista non uteris? Stramentum novum in ea posui!

 

[CajunCenturion]

I wonder how we would do with any of these quizzes?

http://www.expertrating.com/quizzes/quizcats.asp?catid=90

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Good Luck
To get the most from your Tek-Tips experience, please read FAQ181-2886
As a circle of light increases so does the circumference of darkness around it. - Albert Einstein

 

[SilentAiche]

I still think the correct answer is true

[blue]
___________________________________________________________________________
Praises for Barbecue should only be spoken in Pig-Latin. That whole dead language thing...[/blue]

 

[strongm]

Children's Spellings: 15/15 (although you my initial score appeared to be 13 because I chose the wrong correct answer for two questions)
Common English Grammar Mistakes: 9/15 (but being British I dispute at least one of the answers)
English Grammar Quiz: 14/15 (but I dispute Q15)
English Sentence Formation Quiz: 14/15
English Spellings: 15 (although I had to lie to get Q2 right )
English Word Usage: 15/15
Letter Writing Etiquette: 8/15 (but I'm not convinced by Q1 nor, as a Brit, have I ever needed to know how to address the US president or a state governor which made two more questions rather tricky)
Thesaurus Quiz: 7/12 (but half the questions are nothing at all to do with the English language)
Very Difficult Spellings: 15/15

 

[kmcginn]

I too got an 8. I diagree with #12. I think they left out the correct answer - Friends of the family of the deceased. I send sympathy cards to friends who have lost family members, even if I didn't know the deceased. I am sypathizing with my firend at their loss - it doesn't matter if I knew the deceased or not!

 

[ascotta]

I appologise for only getting 6. I am sorry but if someone e-mailed me rather than phoning me, I wouldn't be to happy.

[blue] A perspective from the other side!![/blue]

Cheers
Scott

 

[gbaughma]

I got 12/14 of the sympathy thing.



Just my 2¢

"What the captain doesn't realize is that we've secretly exchanged his dilithium crystals for new Folger's Crystals." -- My Sister
--Greg

http://parallel.tzo.com

 

[sha76]

I'm shocked that they expect somebody grieving to send thank you notes to everyone who sends them a card. I would never expect to receive one.

I get the last name thing to an extent, but I would agree that it does depend on closeness. I have actually before now put how I know the person in the card, I've a fairly common name, I wasn't a close friend, my surname probably wouldn't have helped & I know what state your brain goes into in that situation. I guess the point is that it should be very clear who the card is from.

I don't agree you should always say what you truly feel, "It was for the best" is never likely to go down well! The acknowledging of an illness/accident seems odd to me too.


"Your rock is eroding wrong." -Dogbert