Swifties 3

[SkipVought]

Back when I was a boy, in terms of AGE, I remember reading several books in the Tom Swift series, written by Appleton, I believe.

Sprinkled thru his writing, were phrases that become known as Swifties. A typical Swifty might be...
[tt]
"That's the last time I'll ever pet a lion," Tom said, offhandedly.
[/tt]
Here are a few Swifties that I have collected. Enjoy, if you can.
[tt]
"Oh Cynthia, darling, come here,
I'll murmur sweet nothings, my dear.
I'll be yours, till cars
Can fly to the stars.
It's true," whispered Tom in Cyn's ear.

"The Venus de Milo is charming;
We must get her moved, free of harming.
The crate, though, won't hold 'er,
We'll chop at the shoulder,"
Said Tom, in a manner disarming.

"This Latin stuff sure is a bind,
These verb conjugations, I find,
I can't hammer down,
And as for the nouns,:
Mensa, mensam... No!" Tom declined.

"I insist on naming the first male insect", said Tom adamantly.
[/tt]
Just a few... ;-)

Skip,
[sub]
[red]Be advised:[/red]
Alcohol and Calculus do not mix!
If you drink, don't derive! [/sub]

 

[SkipVought]

For my UK colleagues, across the pond...
[tt]
"England is okay, except there seems to be at least one blood-sucking insect in every outhouse", said Tom aloofly.
[/tt]

Skip,
[sub]
[red]Be advised:[/red]
Alcohol and Calculus do not mix!
If you drink, don't derive! [/sub]

 

[flapeyre]

I dropped the toothpaste!" said Tom, crestfallen.

De mortuis nihil nisi bonum.

 

[SkipVought]

Good one,flapeyre!

At the the expense of female ire...
[tt]
“Selecting another derriere from the women’s baseball team is asinine!” rebutted Tom.
[/tt]

Skip,
[sub]
[red]Be advised:[/red]
Alcohol and Calculus do not mix!
If you drink, don't derive! [/sub]

 

[SkipVought]

For our former colleagues
[tt]
"Me!Head" exclaimed Tom, banging his head.
[/tt]


Skip,
[sub]
[red]Be advised:[/red]
Alcohol and Calculus do not mix!
If you drink, don't derive! [/sub]

 

[ESquared]

We enjoy camping!" said Tom and his friends, in a rather intense way.

-------------------------------------
A sacrifice is harder when no one knows you've made it.

 

[SkipVought]

Here are some attempts at original Swifties.
[tt]
“This function has limited scope!” argued Tom privately.

“Sign me up for another tour of duty,” Tom rejoined.

“You’ll hear from my attorney and we’ll litigate!” retorted Tom to the vandal as he retreated thru the entrance of his flaming fence.

“I like the raised effect, especially on the vertical surfaces,” Tom sighed with relief.
[/tt]


Skip,
[sub]
[red]Be advised:[/red]
Alcohol and Calculus do not mix!
If you drink, don't derive! [/sub]

 

[ESquared]

SkipVought,

I like 2 and 4. #3 needs work.

-------------------------------------
A sacrifice is harder when no one knows you've made it.

 

[BillyRayPreachersSon]

"I've been turned into a frog," croaked Tom

"I've been turned into a geyser," spurted Tom (the urge to turn this into a more adult one was great ;o)

Dan

 

[flapeyre]

The fish broke the line," Tom said, without debate.

De mortuis nihil nisi bonum.

 

[ESquared]

flapeyre: nice!

dan: I'm familiar with blurted, but I've never heard spurted used to mean speech!

-------------------------------------
A sacrifice is harder when no one knows you've made it.

 

[AnotherHiggins]

It took a while for me to catch on, but I think I get it now.

"If you let me out of jail, I'll just beat him up again," Tom retorted.

 

[spayne]

I'll tell you what I had for breakfast later," he waffled.

 

[flapeyre]

"If you let me out of jail, I'll just beat him up again," Tom retorted.

Because (at least in the US) tort refers to civil rather than criminal law, a better version might be

"If my suit is dismissed, I'll just file another one," Tom retorted.

De mortuis nihil nisi bonum.

 

[AnotherHiggins]

grr. I actually googled tort quickly to get an idea of what act to include, but apparently didn't read deep enough. What caught my eye was,

Tort is a legal term meaning a wrongful act, resulting in injury or damage, on which a civil action may be based.

Well, my legal reasoning might be flawed, but my Swifty was sound!

 

[AnotherHiggins]

A few more I just thought of:

“We’re in the middle of a blackout,” Tom said darkly.

“As a matter of fact, I’ve had collagen injected into my a*s,” Tom rebutted.

“The answer is Illinois,” Tom stated.

“I’m afraid he was been buried alive,” Tom said gravely.

“She lost her vision when she was 12, but thanks to a new surgery she can now see again," Tom recited.

“We just got married,” he said with abandon.

This one might be too much of a stretch, you tell me:
“We have everything we need to do the job,” he quipped.

 

[SkipVought]

or...

“We 'ave ever'thing we need t' do the job,” 'e quipped in a Cockney accent.

Good ones, anotherhiggins!

Skip,
[sub]
[red]Be advised:[/red]
Alcohol and Calculus do not mix!
If you drink, don't derive! [/sub]

 

[ESquared]

...and I'd kill my wife again if I had to," said Tom, ruthlessly.

Tom said, "Yo y mi buey," but it was just an oxymoron.

"I hate taking off my clothes in front of the doctor," said Tom, clearly unable to bear it.

"Did you see the way that Korean woman looked at me?" queried Tom, after performing the cauterization.



Okay... okay... some oare a stretch.


-------------------------------------
A sacrifice is harder when no one knows you've made it.

 

[flapeyre]

What happened to me? Oh, just a shark bite," Tom said, offhandedly.


De mortuis nihil nisi bonum.

 

[SkipVought]

"This deserted vehicle was not involved in an accident, and therefore your insurance company cannot cover the expenses which you demand," exclaimed Tom with wreckless abandon.


Skip,
[sub]
[red]Be advised:[/red]
Alcohol and Calculus do not mix!
If you drink, don't derive! [/sub]