More bad writing

[Scott24x7]

Was just reading an article on a bridge that was blown up in Washington DC, and one paragraph about the explosion said:

Seconds after Ruefly pushed down the ceremonial plunger at 12:34 a.m., a cascade of flashes lit the underside of the bridge and thunderclaps rolled across the river. The steel girders of the old span collapsed in a cloud of dust as spectators on a nearby overpass cheered.

The part that bothers me is "and thunderclaps rolled across the river". Wow... there are lots of things that bother me about that, but the most is, shouldn't this be a simalie? Shouldn't it at the very least have read "and like claps of thunder rolling across the river"? Dynamite is NOT lightening, and therefore can not be responsible for producing thunder? Or, I could have at least lived with "Thundered" across the river which has the implicit similie in it, but not as is written...

Just seems a strange usage of the word. I know you can have a thunder of applause for instance, but that is a qualified. thunder. In this case, it implies that thunder was produced...






Best Regards,
Scott

"Everything should be made as simple as possible, and no simpler."

 

[SantaMufasa]

Scott,

The part that bothers me is the spelling of "simile" and "lightning". <grin>

Mufasa
(aka Dave of Sandy, Utah, USA)
[I can provide you with low-cost, remote Database Administration services: see our website and contact me via www.dasages.com]

 

[Scott24x7]

Yeah, yeah, spelling is for spell checkers, and this site doesn't have one.

Best Regards,
Scott

"Everything should be made as simple as possible, and no simpler."

 

[Welshbird]

Seconds after Ruefly pushed down the ceremonial plunger at 12:34 a.m., a cascade of flashes lit the underside of the bridge and the sound of thunderclaps rolled across the river. The steel girders of the old span collapsed in a cloud of dust as spectators on a nearby overpass cheered.

Is this as you would have hoped it to be or am I misunderstanding?

Fee

The question should be [red]Is it worth trying to do?[/red] not [blue] Can it be done?[/blue]

 

[Scott24x7]

Yeah, that's what I would have expected....

Best Regards,
Scott

"Everything should be made as simple as possible, and no simpler."

 

[smokeycat]

Dare I suggest.....

Seconds after Ruefly pushed down the ceremonial plunger at 12:34 a.m., a cascade of flashes lit the underside of the bridge and a sound like thunderclaps rolled across the river. The steel girders of the old span collapsed in a cloud of dust as spectators on a nearby overpass cheered.

 

[Dagon]

Isn't it a metaphor rather than a simile ? If you're taking to take it to that extreme, you wouldn't be able to say things like "he's an open book" or "it's been a mad day" because neither of these is literal (people aren't books and days can't be insane).

 

[PaulTEG]

Ruefly pushed the button at 00:34, loud bang, ex bridge, big cheer

represents a saving of about 60% ;-P

Paul
------------------------------------
Spend an hour a week on CPAN, helps cure all known programming ailments ;-)

 

[Lunatic]

It is a correct use of the word thunderclap:

http://www.m-w.com/dictionary/thunderclap

1 : a clap of thunder
2 : something sharp, loud, or sudden like a clap of thunder

 

[Scott24x7]

I never said it wasn't a proper usage of the word... stange yes, but not improper, I just didn't like it, for how it was being used.


Best Regards,
Scott

"Everything should be made as simple as possible, and no simpler."

 

[Dagon]

Yes, I wouldn't disagree that it is a fine example of bad writing. There's no particular technical failure, but it's just generally trying too hard to impress and not succeeding. "Cascade of flashes" sounds particularly dreadful. A cascade is a waterfall, so is he saying that there were thousands of simultaneous flashes of light that all went off together and created something that looked like a waterfall. I doubt it.

I would describe it as "ham" writing - it is the written equivalent of overacting.

 

[SantaMufasa]

The other fascinating metaphor in this thread is that we are witnessing a rousing exchange between a "Lunatic" and a "Maniac".

Mufasa
(aka Dave of Sandy, Utah, USA)
[I can provide you with low-cost, remote Database Administration services: see our website and contact me via www.dasages.com]

 

[CajunCenturion]

I don't see anything wrong with it.

As Lunatic pointed out, it is a valid use of the word thunderclap, therefore it's neither a metaphor nor a similie.

However, it possible that at one time it was a metaphor. I would not be surprised to learn that thunderclap had been used metaphorically in this sense so often, that now, it's become a valid definition of the word.

A cascade is not a waterfall, but a series of small waterfalls, with one leading directly into to next. In fact, a cascade of events is a succession of events, so I would interpret a cascade of flashes, as a sequence of flashes, one after the other, giving the impression of the flashes 'walking' across (or under in this case) the bridge.

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[traingamer]

I thought it was pretty descriptive.
It was also a reasonbly good use of the word cascade. From m-w.com:
cascade
2 a : something arranged or occurring in a series or in a succession of stages so that each stage derives from or acts upon the product of the preceding

Greg
"Personally, I am always ready to learn, although I do not always like being taught." - Winston Churchill

 

[Lunatic]

Overall - flowery language =/= bad writing (though not everyone may care for it)

Dagon

I didn't see this, so I'm not going to claim to know that this is how it happened this time, but after watching the implosion of several buildings including the Kingdome and several shows on how they demolish buildings, it is very, very likely that it was actually a cascading effect.

In most (if not all major demolishin jobs) cases the charges are set off in a slightly delayed sequence so the last explosion happens up to several seconds after the first. This is designed by the demolishion crew so they can force the implosion to happen in a certain way. If everything went off at the same time the crew would have far less control on how things fell.

So if you are standing on a bridge watching a the explosions on another bridge it would seem to ripple or cascade from one end to the other. In this sense cascade works very well as it would seem like the explosion would fall toward you or away from you.

***

Personally I think the use of thunderclaps helps make the mental image of the event more lifelike. However, given the nature of writing and how we all fill in (or even outright replace) the blanks (or words) with our own so it fits what we expect, I can understand how others would have problems with the phrase even if I can't 'see' it myself.

 

[Grenage]

If I might ask, and please forgive me ignorance here; but what is the difference between a simile and a metaphor?

Russell.


Carlsberg don't run I.T departments, but if they did they'd probably be more fun.

 

[Welshbird]

Simile is the comparison of two unlike things using like or as.

Metaphor comparison of two unlike things using the verb "to be"

Examples:

Simile: He eats like a pig
Metaphor: He is a pig

Fee

The question should be [red]Is it worth trying to do?[/red] not [blue] Can it be done?[/blue]

 

[Grenage]

Ah thank you for that explanation, Fee. That made it as clear as day!


Carlsberg don't run I.T departments, but if they did they'd probably be more fun.

 

[Welshbird]

Ha. Nice Simile...

Fee

The question should be [red]Is it worth trying to do?[/red] not [blue] Can it be done?[/blue]

 

[CajunCenturion]

A metaphor is a phrase where you use one thing which is fairly well understood to explain something that is not very well understood, or to emphasize the desired meaning. A simile is a direct comparison between two things. The difference between them is that a metaphor functions as a stand-in and a simile functions as a comparison.

Metaphor: He &quot;threw down the guantlet&quot; when he claimed he could win.
Simile: He was as &quot;white as a ghost&quot;.

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Good Luck
To get the most from your Tek-Tips experience, please read FAQ181-2886
As a circle of light increases so does the circumference of darkness around it. - Albert Einstein