It's two feet high. 3

[mmerlinn]

[ ]
Yesterday I got a call from Andy (fake name to protect the poor dude) that went something like this. This is only part of the conversation that went on for about 15 minutes or so.

[blue]
Me: Transmission Supply. How may I help you?
Andy: Can I speak with the owner or manager please?
Me: For what purpose?
Andy: My name is Andy blah blah blah

Note: He did not answer my question. Is he looking for parts or is he a salesman?


Me: How may I help you?
Andy: Do you sell transmissions?
Me: No. We only sell parts of transmissions.
Andy: Ok. How about a gearbox for the radiator?

Note: First clue that I am talking to someone who is clueless.


Me: We do not sell parts that are not part of a transmission.
Andy: Do you sell heads for motors?

Note: Is this dude even listening to my replies? Or is he data mining for some other reason?


Me: If it is not a transmission part, we do not sell it.
Andy: Do you accept credit cards?

Note: Why is he asking this? We have not even discussed anything about his needs.


Me: We do not accept any plastic based payments.
Andy: How do you get paid?
Me: We accept any form of paper based payments like money orders and checks.
Andy: Do you accept cashier's checks?

Note: This dude does not listen!!! Either that or he is one dense dude.

Note: I am beginning to get irritated. At this point this has been going on for ten minutes. I am beginning to wonder if this is some new way of scamming me or this is some sort of a nutty salesman leading up to something. Either way, I decide to take the bull by the horns and take control of the conversation. So, instead of answering his question, I start asking him questions.


Me: What make, model, and year of vehicle are you working on?
Andy: 2005.

Note: Wow. I got something!


Me: Ok. So we now know you have a 2005. Which make and model?
Andy: Ford.

Note: Duh!


Me: You have a 2005 Ford. Which model?

Note: Time to baby-step through the process. This dude can't walk and talk at the same time.


Andy: Expedition.
Me: Now we know that you have a 2005 Ford Expedition. Is your transmission automatic or standard?
Andy: Automatic.
Me: Is your Expedition a two-wheel drive or a four-wheel drive?
Andy: Four-wheel drive.
Me: What size motor do you have?
Andy: Why do you need to know?
Me: Until I know which size your motor is there is no way that I can figure out which transmission that you have.

Note: Expeditions came with at least two different automatics in 2005.


Andy: It's about two feet high.
Me: What do you mean?
Andy: The size of the motor is about two feet high.

Note: THE MOTOR SIZE IS TWO FEET HIGH???? This dude knows NOTHING about cars! Why is he even wasting time looking for anything?


Me: You need to talk to your mechanic and ask him to tell you what size your motor is. Until I know the size of the motor there is no way that I can help you.

Note: No point in asking him which transmission he has. If he does not know that TWO FEET HIGH is not a motor size, there is no way he will know anything about transmissions.


Andy: Do you have an email address?
Me: I do. It is blah blah blah.
Andy: Thank you.

Note: He hangs up.[/blue]

What a relief that is! I spent about 15 minutes on this call and basically got nowhere. I don't know if I could survive any more calls like that. In fact, I hope he does not email me at all. I really don't want to waste any more time with him.

mmerlinn

http://mmerlinn.com

"We've found by experience that people who are careless and sloppy writers are usually also careless and sloppy at thinking and coding. Answering questions for careless and sloppy thinkers is not rewarding." - Eric Steven Raymond

 

[sha76]

That's such a classic! Is it wrong of me to really hope that his garage charge him way over the odds for any work?
Before I found my current garage (who I trust not to take advantage of me) I used to spend time researching what I needed & the correct terminology before I'd speak to anyone, just to avoid the woman>knows nothing about cars>put up the price scenario, with blokes like that around I wonder why I bothered!

"Your rock is eroding wrong." -Dogbert

 

[mmerlinn]

[ ]
If the garage does not overcharge, or at least charge for the time this dude will waste, then that garage will go bankrupt.

I can guarantee you that if that dude calls back and buys anything, he WILL pay for my wasted time.

mmerlinn

http://mmerlinn.com

"We've found by experience that people who are careless and sloppy writers are usually also careless and sloppy at thinking and coding. Answering questions for careless and sloppy thinkers is not rewarding." - Eric Steven Raymond

 

[kjv1611]

mmerlinn,

So, are you the manager?


--

"If to err is human, then I must be some kind of human!" -Me

 

[Opieo]

Haha.
Awesome support call.
Reminds me of my worst support call ever.
Some lady was wondering why her dial-up didn't work (she switched from cable modem because she didn't need the extra speed or payment).
Took me 25 minutes on the phone to figure out she somehow got the RJ45 Network cable jammed into the RJ11 phone cord spot on the modem. It is still beyond my comprehension how she did that. I still think she used black magic.

It also reminds me of an "IT manta" I read somewhere (location where I originally saw it is now lost to me, but it very well could have been on one of the forums here, probably here or slashdot).

Regarding the user:
If they hear they do not listen.
If they listen they do not understand.
If they understand they do not obey.

While I cannot say that I completely agree with this, I find it amusing. I have had users on all of those levels, and others that understand everything I say, even when using the actual technical terms. Oh the fun times of phone support.

~
“Your request is not unlike your lower intestine: stinky, and loaded with danger.” — Ace Ventura.

 

[flapeyre]

Back on the low-tech days of the early 80's, I was fixing typewriters (remember those?). Once I had a call at he engineering department of a large hotel (a worldwide chain, no less. They said the machine was dead.

Turned out it just wasn't plugged in.
One would think they'd check that first..



-- Francis
I'd like to change the world, but I can't find the source code.

 

[traingamer]

mmerlinn, it's obvious the guy was just yanking your chain.

He was likely either
a) a disgruntled customer trying to waste your time
or
b) a blogger or comedian trying to get material

One way to deal with this (there are so many ways) after you've determined that he's not serious: "Hold on a minute." Put the phone down (not on hold) and go back to work (preferably noisily) - every so often, check to see if he's still there.

Greg
People demand freedom of speech as a compensation for the freedom of thought which they seldom use. Kierkegaard

 

[mjldba]

Back in the 80's I lived in a house that was built on a concrete slab & did not have a basement.

A guy called trying to sell me basement waterproofing, when he paused for a breath I told him mu house was built on a slab .... he continued with his dialogue.

I politely interupted him and told him again that I did not have a basement .... and he continued.

This time I interrupted him quite rudely and told him in a clear, loud, firm voice that "I did NOT need BASEMENT waterproofing because I did NOT have a BASEMENT".

Moment of silence .... and he continued.

So I held the phone about a foot in front of my face so the handset was away from my ear and yelled "I don't know how you managed to call me because you're too damn stupid to know how to use a phone .... NO %$#*!^$ BASEMENT" & hung-up.

 

[mmerlinn]

[ ]
kjv1611

I am the manager even though I never admitted to such or anything else to "Andy". For all he knew I was just a grunt.

traingamer

It is entirely possible that he could have been pulling my chain, but I seriously doubt it due to the total content of the call.

Definitely not a disgruntled customer.

Regardless of whether he intended to or not, he DID pull my chain.

-

Only disgruntled customer that sticks out in my mine is one that bought the wrong part AFTER we had sent him a picture of part we were selling. The part he needed had FOUR big ears 2" long sticking in four directions from center (Chevy) and the part in the picture was almost 8" SQUARE (Ford).

mmerlinn

http://mmerlinn.com

"We've found by experience that people who are careless and sloppy writers are usually also careless and sloppy at thinking and coding. Answering questions for careless and sloppy thinkers is not rewarding." - Eric Steven Raymond

 

[traingamer]

It is entirely possible that he could have been pulling my chain, but I seriously doubt it due to the total content of the call.

wow

Greg
People demand freedom of speech as a compensation for the freedom of thought which they seldom use. Kierkegaard

 

[SamBones]

The math is very simple...

"Requesting a radiator gearbox" = "yanking chain"

I'm sure there's a severe case of automotive ignorance involved, but I cast a vote for "bored stoner yanking chains via telephone for kicks".

(Hmmm, unless he thought the water pump was somehow the gearbox for the radiator!)

Regardless, the call is a riot! Thanks for sharing it! Did he ever email you?

 

[jebenson]

mmerlinn,

You should consider posting this to

http://www.notalwaysright.com.

This story would fit perfectly there.


I used to rock and roll every night and party every day. Then it was every other day. Now I'm lucky if I can find 30 minutes a week in which to get funky. - Homer Simpson

Arrrr, mateys! Ye needs ta be preparin' yerselves fer Talk Like a Pirate Day!

 

[flapeyre]

jebenson,

Too funny! I just added that to my iGoogle homepage. It will help to retain my sanity (what's left of it, anyway), during the work day.

-- Francis
I'd like to change the world, but I can't find the source code.

 

[kjv1611]

jebenson,

Thanks for the link.

Those are hilarious!

--

"If to err is human, then I must be some kind of human!" -Me

 

[Opieo]

Aw

http://www that

site is priceless.
I was asked once again why I am laughing.
People keep telling me I am not allowed to laugh at work (they are only joking). I think if I didn't get these little breaks, I might go insane or at least pull my hair out.

~
“Your request is not unlike your lower intestine: stinky, and loaded with danger.” — Ace Ventura.