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It is not just IT support that gets 'those' calls 18
- Thread starter Turkbear
- Start date
hjgoldstein
Programmer
My local Golf Club has a new dress code which includes "No Jogging Bottoms."
My wife has taken this personally and now refuses to go.
My wife has taken this personally and now refuses to go.
![[lol]](/data/assets/smilies/lol.gif "[lol] [lol]")
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2
- #5
SantaMufasa
Technical User
I've heard that old golfers never die...[hide]...they just lose their balls.[/hide]
or,[hide]...they just get out of range.[/hide]
or,[hide]...they just get teed off.[/hide]
or,[hide]...they just have a stroke.[/hide]
or,[hide]...they just get rough.[/hide]
or,[hide]...but their cup runneth over.[/hide]
or,[hide]...they just can't seem to iron things out.[/hide]
or,[hide]...they wood if they could.[/hide]<grin>
![[santa]](/data/assets/smilies/santa.gif "[santa] [santa]")
Mufasa
(aka Dave of Sandy, Utah, USA)
[I provide low-cost, remote Database Administration services: www.dasages.com]
“Beware of those that seek to protect you from harm or risk. The cost will be your freedoms and your liberty.”
or,[hide]...they just get out of range.[/hide]
or,[hide]...they just get teed off.[/hide]
or,[hide]...they just have a stroke.[/hide]
or,[hide]...they just get rough.[/hide]
or,[hide]...but their cup runneth over.[/hide]
or,[hide]...they just can't seem to iron things out.[/hide]
or,[hide]...they wood if they could.[/hide]<grin>
Mufasa(aka Dave of Sandy, Utah, USA)
[I provide low-cost, remote Database Administration services: www.dasages.com]
“Beware of those that seek to protect you from harm or risk. The cost will be your freedoms and your liberty.”
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2
- Thread starter
- #6
Hi,
It is clear that golf has generated more jokes then any other sport ( Probably because if golfers didn't have something to laugh at, they would all quit playing) - It is a four-letter word, after all.
![[profile]](/data/assets/smilies/profile.gif "[profile] [profile]")
To Paraphrase:"The Help you get is proportional to the Help you give.."
It is clear that golf has generated more jokes then any other sport ( Probably because if golfers didn't have something to laugh at, they would all quit playing) - It is a four-letter word, after all.
To Paraphrase:"The Help you get is proportional to the Help you give.."
SkipVought
Programmer
Remember,
GOLF in reverse is FLOG.
Skip,
[sub]
![[glasses]](/data/assets/smilies/glasses.gif "[glasses] [glasses]")
Just traded in my old subtlety...for a NUANCE!
![[tongue]](/data/assets/smilies/tongue.gif "[tongue] [tongue]")
[/sub]
SantaMufasa
Technical User
I had heard that GOLF derived from the acronym Gentlemen Only Ladies Forbidden, but that, apparently is an old wives' (or husbands') tale.
Mufasa
(aka Dave of Sandy, Utah, USA)
[I provide low-cost, remote Database Administration services: www.dasages.com]
“Beware of those that seek to protect you from harm or risk. The cost will be your freedoms and your liberty.”
Mufasa(aka Dave of Sandy, Utah, USA)
[I provide low-cost, remote Database Administration services: www.dasages.com]
“Beware of those that seek to protect you from harm or risk. The cost will be your freedoms and your liberty.”
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2
- #9
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2
- #10
I love playing golf, specially the nineteenth hole, that is where all the action is at...
Santa - about the acronym, yep, though funny, it is an old wifetale...
Source: Online Etymology Dictionary
Ben
"If it works don't fix it! If it doesn't use a sledgehammer..."
How to ask a question, when posting them to a professional forum.
Only ask questions with yes/no answers if you want "yes" or "no"
Santa - about the acronym, yep, though funny, it is an old wifetale...
Source: Online Etymology Dictionary
Ben
"If it works don't fix it! If it doesn't use a sledgehammer..."
How to ask a question, when posting them to a professional forum.
Only ask questions with yes/no answers if you want "yes" or "no"
and
just some I found on the INET...
Ben
"If it works don't fix it! If it doesn't use a sledgehammer..."
How to ask a question, when posting them to a professional forum.
Only ask questions with yes/no answers if you want "yes" or "no"
SantaMufasa
Technical User
My sister worked for a major credit card company in customer service. She had some lu-lu calls:
Mufasa
(aka Dave of Sandy, Utah, USA)
[I provide low-cost, remote Database Administration services: www.dasages.com]
“Beware of those that seek to protect you from harm or risk. The cost will be your freedoms and your liberty.”
Her saddest call was:Call 1 said:
Call 2 said:
Mufasa(aka Dave of Sandy, Utah, USA)
[I provide low-cost, remote Database Administration services: www.dasages.com]
“Beware of those that seek to protect you from harm or risk. The cost will be your freedoms and your liberty.”
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2
- #13
If you want to spend an evening laughing so hard you'll get tears in your eyes and your sides will ache, check out
I have this on my iGoogle page - usually has six or so new stories per day.
-- Francis
I'd like to change the world, but I can't find the source code.
I have this on my iGoogle page - usually has six or so new stories per day.
-- Francis
I'd like to change the world, but I can't find the source code.
Oh that last link from Francis is HILARIOUS!
And one of them reminded me of a dialog between my grandpa and a some friends of his.
He's an army veteran, spent somewhere between 20 and 25 years in the army, and saw all kinds of stuff, obviously.
For the past 20 years or so, he's been big into gardening and such.
About 5 years ago, he was constantly asking some friends of his who were farmers, workers at local farmer's market, etc about different plants, veggies, etc, trying to build up what he knew about them, and possibly find out where he could get certain hard to find ones.
Friends: Pops, you just need to get a computer, and go on the Internet.
Grandpa (aka Pops): No, I have 2 grandsons who know about that computer stuff. If I want anything off of a computer, I just ask them.![[smile]](/data/assets/smilies/smile.gif "[smile] [smile]")
--
"If to err is human, then I must be some kind of human!" -Me
And one of them reminded me of a dialog between my grandpa and a some friends of his.
He's an army veteran, spent somewhere between 20 and 25 years in the army, and saw all kinds of stuff, obviously.
For the past 20 years or so, he's been big into gardening and such.
About 5 years ago, he was constantly asking some friends of his who were farmers, workers at local farmer's market, etc about different plants, veggies, etc, trying to build up what he knew about them, and possibly find out where he could get certain hard to find ones.
Friends: Pops, you just need to get a computer, and go on the Internet.
Grandpa (aka Pops): No, I have 2 grandsons who know about that computer stuff. If I want anything off of a computer, I just ask them.
--
"If to err is human, then I must be some kind of human!" -Me
Heh. At the rate this conversation was going after golf, I figured I would mention notalwaysright.com but Francis beat me to it! It is very amusing and resides on my iGoogle page as well. I think it is almost impossible though for me to list any favorites from the site. They are just about all highly entertaining.
~
“Your request is not unlike your lower intestine: stinky, and loaded with danger.” — Ace Ventura.
~
“Your request is not unlike your lower intestine: stinky, and loaded with danger.” — Ace Ventura.
- Moderator
- #17
My wife reads (daily) 
Just my 2¢
"What the captain doesn't realize is that we've secretly replaced his Dilithium Crystals with new Folger's Crystals."
--Greg
Just my 2¢
"What the captain doesn't realize is that we've secretly replaced his Dilithium Crystals with new Folger's Crystals."
--Greg
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- #18
From: IT
To: all employees
When you call us to have your computer moved, be sure to leave it buried under half a ton of postcards, baby pictures, stuffed animals, dried flowers, bowling trophies and children's art. We don't have a life, and we find it deeply moving to catch a fleeting glimpse of yours.
Don't write anything down. Ever. We can play back the error messages from our video recording.
When an IT person says s/he's coming right over, go for coffee. That way you won't be there when we need your password. It's nothing for us to remember 300 login passwords.
When IT Support sends you an e-mail with high importance, delete it at once. We're just testing.
When an IT person is eating lunch at his desk, walk right in and spill your problems right out. We don't even like eating food, we exist only to serve.
Send urgent e-mail all in uppercase. The mail server picks it up and flags it as a rush delivery.
When we do something as a favor in our own time at our own expense, feel free to criticize us.
That's OK, we don't expect you to lift anything or get under your desk. Manual labour was part of our IT degree.
When the photocopier doesn't work, call Computer Support. There's electronics in it.
When you're getting a NO DIAL TONE message at home, call Computer Support. We can fix your telephone line from here.
When something's wrong with your home PC, dump it on an IT person's chair with no name, no phone number and no description of the problem. We love a challenge.
When an IT person tells you that computer screens don't have cartridges in them, argue. We love a good argument.
When an IT person tells you that he'll be there shortly, reply in scathing tone of voice: "And just how many weeks do you mean by shortly?" That motivates us.
When the printer won't print, re-send the job at least 20 times. Print jobs frequently get sucked into black holes. When the printer still won't print after 20 tries, send the job to all 68 printers in the company. One of them is bound to work.
Don't learn the proper name for anything technical. We know exactly what is meant by "my thingy blew up".
When you call someone in to fix a problem - but don't tell them about the other 10 problems until they physically arrive. That's OK - we can clear our schedule for the rest of the day.
Don't use on-line help. On-line help is for wimps.
When your application can't do what you want... blame us, we write all the software that runs on your PC and can customise it on the fly. Bill Gates lets us do this.
Remember the IT guy doesn't need to think - he has seen every problem before.
If the mouse cable keeps knocking down the framed picture of your dog, lift the computer and stuff the cable under it. Mouse cables were designed to have 20 kg of computer sitting on top of them.
If the space bar on your keyboard doesn't work, blame it on the mail/software/network upgrade. Keyboards are actually very happy with half a pound of muffin crumbs and nail clippings in them.
When you find an IT person on the phone, sit uninvited on the corner of their desk and stare at them until they hang up.
Feel perfectly free to say things like "I don't know nothing about that computer crap." We don't mind at all hearing our area of professional expertise referred to as crap.
When you need to change the toner cartridge in a printer, call IT Support. Changing a toner cartridge is an extremely complex task, and Hewlett-Packard recommends that it be performed only by a professional engineer with a Master's degree in nuclear physics.
When you think the network/e-mail/office application is going slow, call us as we have a button to press that makes it go back to it's normal speed.
When something's the matter with your computer, ask your secretary to call the help desk. We enjoy the challenge of having to deal with a third party who doesn't know about the problem.
The instant you call us (on our mobile) - we can see what's happening on your screen and can solve it instantaneously.
Be aware that IT people don't need to use the toilet. So you have a right to be upset if we don't answer the phone.
When you receive a 30MB movie file, send it to everyone as a mail attachment. We've got lots of disk space on that mail server.
When an IT person gets in the lift pushing ?100,000 worth of computer equipment on a trolley, ask in a very loud voice, "Good grief, you take the lift to go DOWN one floor?"
And finally, always remember.... we were sitting there waiting for your call.. The whole day!!!
To: all employees
When you call us to have your computer moved, be sure to leave it buried under half a ton of postcards, baby pictures, stuffed animals, dried flowers, bowling trophies and children's art. We don't have a life, and we find it deeply moving to catch a fleeting glimpse of yours.
Don't write anything down. Ever. We can play back the error messages from our video recording.
When an IT person says s/he's coming right over, go for coffee. That way you won't be there when we need your password. It's nothing for us to remember 300 login passwords.
When IT Support sends you an e-mail with high importance, delete it at once. We're just testing.
When an IT person is eating lunch at his desk, walk right in and spill your problems right out. We don't even like eating food, we exist only to serve.
Send urgent e-mail all in uppercase. The mail server picks it up and flags it as a rush delivery.
When we do something as a favor in our own time at our own expense, feel free to criticize us.
That's OK, we don't expect you to lift anything or get under your desk. Manual labour was part of our IT degree.
When the photocopier doesn't work, call Computer Support. There's electronics in it.
When you're getting a NO DIAL TONE message at home, call Computer Support. We can fix your telephone line from here.
When something's wrong with your home PC, dump it on an IT person's chair with no name, no phone number and no description of the problem. We love a challenge.
When an IT person tells you that computer screens don't have cartridges in them, argue. We love a good argument.
When an IT person tells you that he'll be there shortly, reply in scathing tone of voice: "And just how many weeks do you mean by shortly?" That motivates us.
When the printer won't print, re-send the job at least 20 times. Print jobs frequently get sucked into black holes. When the printer still won't print after 20 tries, send the job to all 68 printers in the company. One of them is bound to work.
Don't learn the proper name for anything technical. We know exactly what is meant by "my thingy blew up".
When you call someone in to fix a problem - but don't tell them about the other 10 problems until they physically arrive. That's OK - we can clear our schedule for the rest of the day.
Don't use on-line help. On-line help is for wimps.
When your application can't do what you want... blame us, we write all the software that runs on your PC and can customise it on the fly. Bill Gates lets us do this.
Remember the IT guy doesn't need to think - he has seen every problem before.
If the mouse cable keeps knocking down the framed picture of your dog, lift the computer and stuff the cable under it. Mouse cables were designed to have 20 kg of computer sitting on top of them.
If the space bar on your keyboard doesn't work, blame it on the mail/software/network upgrade. Keyboards are actually very happy with half a pound of muffin crumbs and nail clippings in them.
When you find an IT person on the phone, sit uninvited on the corner of their desk and stare at them until they hang up.
Feel perfectly free to say things like "I don't know nothing about that computer crap." We don't mind at all hearing our area of professional expertise referred to as crap.
When you need to change the toner cartridge in a printer, call IT Support. Changing a toner cartridge is an extremely complex task, and Hewlett-Packard recommends that it be performed only by a professional engineer with a Master's degree in nuclear physics.
When you think the network/e-mail/office application is going slow, call us as we have a button to press that makes it go back to it's normal speed.
When something's the matter with your computer, ask your secretary to call the help desk. We enjoy the challenge of having to deal with a third party who doesn't know about the problem.
The instant you call us (on our mobile) - we can see what's happening on your screen and can solve it instantaneously.
Be aware that IT people don't need to use the toilet. So you have a right to be upset if we don't answer the phone.
When you receive a 30MB movie file, send it to everyone as a mail attachment. We've got lots of disk space on that mail server.
When an IT person gets in the lift pushing ?100,000 worth of computer equipment on a trolley, ask in a very loud voice, "Good grief, you take the lift to go DOWN one floor?"
And finally, always remember.... we were sitting there waiting for your call.. The whole day!!!
BillyRayPreachersSon
Programmer
hjgoldstein said:
Why? Is she a submissive runner?
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