How should I respond to idiots? 26

[SantaMufasa]

Abbie is a miniature teacup poodle that owns us. She has been our owner since we bought her after she was weaned; she is now approaching 9 years old. When she was 7 years old, she started bumping into things and becoming generally grouchy (even when not bumping into things).

The veterinarian determined that one eye had an irreparable detached lens and the other eye had an equally untreatable case of Glaucoma (that was causing extreme pressure in that eye and terrible headaches, thus the grouchiness).

The vet indicated that Abbie's breed often live into their late teens, and the vet said that putting Abbie to sleep was not necessary, but eye removal was in order.

Abbie has lived a very happy life since her eye removals, she gets around just fine, and generally enjoys life to its "non-visual" fullest.

...Which now leads us to the "idiot" part: Abbie loves to accompany us out in public, cuddling up in our jacket and poking her head out the top (to "see" where she is going). People who see Abbie immediately come up and want to make friends with Abbie, which she does very nicely.

But when people notice her disability, they say:

She has no eyes...How does she see?

What can you suggest as some acceptable, non-insulting, "quickie comebacks" for their obviously silly remarks.

Mufasa
(aka Dave of Sandy, Utah, USA)
[I provide low-cost, remote Database Administration services: www.dasages.com]

 

[BJCooperIT]

You have to see this: Doggles. I votes for the Pink sunglasses!


[sup]Beware of false knowledge; it is more dangerous than ignorance.[/sup][sup] ~George Bernard Shaw[/sup]
Consultant Developer/Analyst Oracle, Forms, Reports & PL/SQL (Windows)
My website: www.EmuProductsPlus.com

 

[Lunatic]

ooohhhhh.... For Halloween next year... See if she will take glass eyeballs... Can you imagine the rukus that would cause if one of those eyeballs happened to fall out ;p

Sorry, its very late on Friday... I'm getting a little rambuncious and wanting to go home ;p

 

[phish20002003]

Lunatic I was thinking the same thing but my idea involved Neuticles. Sorry it is indeed late on a Friday.

-Phish
"Why do you need to think? Can't we just sit and go budumbudumbudum with our lips for a bit?" - Mostly Harmless

 

[AlexCuse]

She just hides them so you won't feel so bad about your brain defect.

Alex

A wise man once said
"The only thing normal about database guys is their tables".

 

[flapeyre]

Shhh.. She's sleeping!" (If on a leash, she's sleepwalking...)

Feles mala! Cur cista non uteris? Stramentum novum in ea posui!

 

[sleipnir214]

Not so loud...Do you want to make her self-conscious?"



Want the best answers? Ask the best questions! TANSTAAFL!

 

[phish20002003]

She's lonely. Very lonely (followed by a wink).

-Phish
"Why do you need to think? Can't we just sit and go budumbudumbudum with our lips for a bit?" - Mostly Harmless

 

[ESquared]

Thanks for a thread that has made me laugh and brightened my day.

Q: She has no eyes...How does she see?

A: [Matter-of-factly] Clairvoyance.
A: The same way she D, E, F, and G.
A: It's likely that she doesn't, but I could be wrong.
A: [Addressing dog, perplexed] Yes, Abbie, how exactly do you do that? [Tilt head, wait for answer.]
A: Ever since returning from the alien abduction, she hasn't seemed to need eyes.
A: Haven't you ever heard that "eyes doesn't matter?

 

[SantaMufasa]

I know that John (AnotherHiggins) believes that I've been way Toulouse with the

s on this thread, but you all must admit...there is really good stuff here. So, I'm just catching up on the

stuff for all the great suggestions. (Great "multiple listings", ESquared!)

Mufasa
(aka Dave of Sandy, Utah, USA)
[I provide low-cost, remote Database Administration services: www.dasages.com]

 

[gbaughma]

I didn't get a star!!! ;'(

lol



Just my 2¢

"When I die, I want people to say 'There was a wise man' instead of 'Finally, his mouth is shut!'" --Me
--Greg

http://parallel.tzo.com

 

[SantaMufasa]

Sorry, Greg...Hava

!

Mufasa
(aka Dave of Sandy, Utah, USA)
[I provide low-cost, remote Database Administration services: www.dasages.com]

 

[MiniMufasa]

Whenever I "dog-sit" abbie I just call her "frankendog” (it's ahhliiive!) that way it takes the edge off the awkwardness. People are already prepared for weirdness.

All of these suggestions are fab! Thanks for the giggles!

 

[nicksims]

Ok, this isn't about a dog, but my mom. She has a horrible sense of direction. Doesn't really listen well to what others say, and has a GPS in her car. But won't read the manual or let me help her set it up. (It came with the car package.)

She occassionally goes on a driving trip north into Wyoming (we're in Colorado- not too far) with her friend who is blind. He has a few inches of visual acuity and has an assistance dog.

He reads the gps and gives her directions.

Oh, the "blind leading the blind" jokes are rampant, especially from the blind friend.

I did make sure that she has a new working cell phone!

Now as for your response, how about "They're in the shop for a tune-up." Or "I'm the blind one and I borrowed them for a few days."

Nick

 

[BeenThereDoneThat]

SantaMufasa:

How about carrying a couple of glass marble eyes in your pocket and when someone says "She has no eyes...How does she see?" you could pull them out and say "These just fell out .. can you help me put them back in?" while attempting to hand them to the person. You might see some astonished looks.

Chuck

 

[Dollie]

She reads doggy Braille. Unfortunately, you're standing in a pile of it right now.

 

[Gooser]

Shout, "MIND YOUR BUSINESS!"

or

a simple, "She's a donor."

maybe

"Her eyes are in the [small]BACK[/small] of her head." Then, turn the dog's head around and look closely.

--Gooser

 

[stubnski]

How about something like - "What do you think we are rich?! We're still making payments on the nose!!"

Stubnski

 

[SilentAiche]

"They spaying went very wrong. The stupid vet removed every oval he could find - we won't being seeing him again."

Teyem??



[blue]_______________________________________
If you can't read this sigarette, check your filter.[/blue]

 

[SantaMufasa]

Great suggestions, all!

And since I've set a dangerous precedent of awarding

s to virtually all contributions in this thread, I just cleaned up my backlog of

s owed.

Cheers!

Mufasa
(aka Dave of Sandy, Utah, USA)
[I provide low-cost, remote Database Administration services: www.dasages.com]

 

[CorBlimeyLimey]

Just tell them she only has one eye at the back end ... then lift her tail to prove it.

[Cheers]