How should I respond to idiots? 26

[SantaMufasa]

Abbie is a miniature teacup poodle that owns us. She has been our owner since we bought her after she was weaned; she is now approaching 9 years old. When she was 7 years old, she started bumping into things and becoming generally grouchy (even when not bumping into things).

The veterinarian determined that one eye had an irreparable detached lens and the other eye had an equally untreatable case of Glaucoma (that was causing extreme pressure in that eye and terrible headaches, thus the grouchiness).

The vet indicated that Abbie's breed often live into their late teens, and the vet said that putting Abbie to sleep was not necessary, but eye removal was in order.

Abbie has lived a very happy life since her eye removals, she gets around just fine, and generally enjoys life to its "non-visual" fullest.

...Which now leads us to the "idiot" part: Abbie loves to accompany us out in public, cuddling up in our jacket and poking her head out the top (to "see" where she is going). People who see Abbie immediately come up and want to make friends with Abbie, which she does very nicely.

But when people notice her disability, they say:

She has no eyes...How does she see?

What can you suggest as some acceptable, non-insulting, "quickie comebacks" for their obviously silly remarks.

Mufasa
(aka Dave of Sandy, Utah, USA)
[I provide low-cost, remote Database Administration services: www.dasages.com]

 

[sleipnir214]

In the spririt of the comedy of Bill Engvall, something like:

THEM: She's got no eyes. Is she blind?
YOU: Nope! We just take out her eyes in public so she won't run away.

might be appropriate.



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[AnotherHiggins]

How about, "You have no brain, how do you think?"

Wait, you said "non-insulting"....

You could say, "she's crossbred with a bat. She uses sonar."

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[SantaMufasa]

So far, all suggestions are brilliant! Hava

each.

Mufasa
(aka Dave of Sandy, Utah, USA)
[I provide low-cost, remote Database Administration services: www.dasages.com]

 

[BJCooperIT]

With her heart!

[sup]Beware of false knowledge; it is more dangerous than ignorance.[/sup][sup] ~George Bernard Shaw[/sup]
Consultant Developer/Analyst Oracle, Forms, Reports & PL/SQL (Windows)
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[sleipnir214]

Santa:
If your dog is one of those itty bitty dogs with great big ears, anotherhiggins' second suggestion would be fantastic.



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[Lunatic]

Among friends anotherhiggins' would do a lot to make people at ease... I think that kind of response would be the best to defuse any awkwardness or insecurity about how to proceed.

Other more general purpose:

"Thats why she has her seeing-eye people" (might even have a coat made or a something like that ;p)

"She sees whats really important" (varient of BJCooperIT's)

"Her nose still finds all the goodies"

 

[AnotherHiggins]

Thats why she has her seeing-eye people

I love it!

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[SantaMufasa]

Wow! Each of the suggestions are excellent! Have some more

s.

Mufasa
(aka Dave of Sandy, Utah, USA)
[I provide low-cost, remote Database Administration services: www.dasages.com]

 

[AnotherHiggins]

Hey, Santa, have a

for suggesting something fun to fill a Friday afternoon!

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[KornGeek]

You could always play ignorant:

"She has no what? Oh my God! Where did her eyes go! This is not good."

or something blatantly false (in an effort to insult their intelligence) like:

"She's part of a secret military weapons program. Her bionic eyes are having their lasers upgraded right now.

 

[phish20002003]

Watch where you step. They were here a second ago.

-Phish
"Why do you need to think? Can't we just sit and go budumbudumbudum with our lips for a bit?" - Mostly Harmless

 

[jebenson]

In the spirit of the old Vaudeville (I believe) joke:

Q: She has no eyes...How does she see?
A: Poorly. (or "Not very well", or something else to that effect.)



Another possibility:

Q: She has no eyes...How does she see?
A: She what?!?!? NOBODY MOVE!!! (When you say this, look around on the ground like you are searching for your dog's eyeballs.)

I used to rock and roll every night and party every day. Then it was every other day. Now I'm lucky if I can find 30 minutes a week in which to get funky. - Homer Simpson

Arrrr, mateys! Ye needs ta be preparin' yerselves fer Talk Like a Pirate Day! Ye has a choice: talk like a pira

 

[SantaMufasa]

KornGeek, Phish, and JE, Great thinks mind alike (and within the same 60 seconds, too!) Join the

club for great suggestions.

Mufasa
(aka Dave of Sandy, Utah, USA)
[I provide low-cost, remote Database Administration services: www.dasages.com]

 

[AnotherHiggins]

I feel like I'm on Oprah.

"Everyone gets a star! Everyone gets a star! You get a star! You get a star! Everyone gets a star!"

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[gbaughma]

You know (ok, you probably don't know)...

I have a very good (almost "best") friend who is totally blind. He does amazing woodwork, mows his own lawn, etc... I quite often forget that he's blind.

He has the *BEST* blind jokes.

What's funny, however, is that when people *realize* that he's blind (he doesn't do the head-bobbing or use a cane or anything like that), they will quite often lean in closer and SPEAK LOUDLY and SLOWLY to him.

At which point, he usually points out (very loudly) I'M BLIND, NOT DEAF.

Gotta love him.



Just my 2¢

"When I die, I want people to say 'There was a wise man' instead of 'Finally, his mouth is shut!'" --Me
--Greg

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[SantaMufasa]

Yes, John, but none of us must pay taxes or buy insurance for these

.

Mufasa
(aka Dave of Sandy, Utah, USA)
[I provide low-cost, remote Database Administration services: www.dasages.com]

 

[sleipnir214]

You know, you might just try to convince your dog to wear a pair of these....

http://www.pitboss-gaming.com/poker/greg-raymer-sunglasses.asp

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[jebenson]

Thanks for the star!

You could go completely non-sequitur (sp?) on them:

Q: She has no eyes...How does she see?
A: I like fish!

I used to rock and roll every night and party every day. Then it was every other day. Now I'm lucky if I can find 30 minutes a week in which to get funky. - Homer Simpson

Arrrr, mateys! Ye needs ta be preparin' yerselves fer Talk Like a Pirate Day! Ye has a choice: talk like a pira

 

[SantaMufasa]

Actually, Sleipnir, on Tuesday (for Halloween), Abbie wore a pair of stick-on "Wylie Coyote" eyes (with furrowed brows), that she not only did not seem to mind, but she also enjoyed all of the extra attention...Everyone who saw her asked, "Doesn't that bug her eyes?"



Mufasa
(aka Dave of Sandy, Utah, USA)
[I provide low-cost, remote Database Administration services: www.dasages.com]