...For you very punny people

[SantaMufasa]

It's been awhile since we had a Pun Fest:

To write with a broken pencil is pointless.

When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate.

A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.

When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U.C.L.A.

The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground.

The batteries were given out free of charge.

A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail.

A will is a dead giveaway.

If you don't pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.

With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.

Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I'll show you A-flat miner.

You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

Local Area Network in Australia: The LAN down under.

A boiled egg is hard to beat.

When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.

Police were called to a day care where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

Did you hear about the fellow whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.

If you take a laptop computer for a run you could jog your memory.

A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.

In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, it's your Count that votes.

When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.

He had a photographic memory which was never developed.

Acupuncture: a jab well done.

When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.

Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.


Mufasa
(aka Dave of Sandy, Utah, USA)
“People may forget what you say, but they will never forget how you made them feel.

 

[rasETL]

Best Career advice I ever heard...
If you want to be outstanding in your field, become a Farmer.

 

[SantaMufasa]

If a person from Utah is called a Utahn,
What do you call a person from Tampa?

Mufasa
(aka Dave of Sandy, Utah, USA)
“People may forget what you say, but they will never forget how you made them feel.

 

[blister911]

Floridian?


Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

 

[SkipVought]

This girl said that she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.

I hear that the Brits have no kidney bank, but they do have a Liverpool.

When chemists die, they barium.

I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.

They told me I had Type-A blood, but it was a Type-O.

PMS jokes aren't funny; period.

I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.

I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.

Haunted French pancakes give me the crêpes.

Velcro what a rip off!

A cartoonist was found dead in his home. Details are sketchy.

The earthquake in Washington obviously was the government's fault.

Skip,
[sub]
Just traded in my old subtlety...
for a NUANCE![/sub]

 

[SamBones]

I once went out with a girl from Tampa. You might say I was Floridated.

 

[SkipVought]

On her 16[sup]th[/sup] birthday, she thought that Bob had promised to take her to Florida.

What Bob promised was, "When you turn 16, I'm gonna tampa with you!"

Skip,
[sub]
Just traded in my old subtlety...
for a NUANCE![/sub]

 

[flapeyre]

News Headline:

Precinct Toilet Stolen. Police Have Nothing To Go On.

-- Francis
There are laws to protect the freedom of the press's speech, but none that are worth anything to protect the people from the press.
--Mark Twain

 

[hjgoldstein]

A large hole has appeared in the main M74 road into Glasgow. Contractors are looking into it.

It is time for pacifists to stand up and fight for their beliefs.