Driving Directions - Can I get there from here?

[BoxHead]

I recently had to attend a family event in a rural area about 100 miles away. When I called for directions I had to get clarification on directions like “turn left where they’re going to build the new church.”

Thought others might have interesting driving directions they’ve received over the years.

My favorite misdirection was a few years ago when I was looking for an Insurance Agent’s office in a small town and pulled into a convenience store to ask for directions. The clerk opened the phone book to a local map and traced her finger along the page until she finally found the spot I was looking for. “There it is,” she said to herself. Then, looking me right in the eye, she asked, “Where are you, now?”


John




When Galileo theorized that Aristotle's view of the Universe contained errors, he was labeled a fool.
It wasn't until he proved it that he was called dangerous.

 

[sleipnir214]

Trevoke:
When I was a kid, we had two plays in our sandlot flag football games: "mill around" and "mill around long".

Your driving directions sound a lot like that.



Want the best answers? Ask the best questions! TANSTAAFL!

 

[razalas]

Maybe this qualifies...

Will never forget the time while living in Mexico, I was asked by some gringo's for directions in rather broken Spanish. Trying to be as helpful as possible, I replied in English, and was astounded when they thanked me in Spanish and drove off.

No doubt they were amazed at how well they were able to understand directions in 'Spanish'.

Code what you mean,
and mean what you code!
But by all means post your code!

Razalas

 

[LFI]

I was once given directions to a bar to which I had never been:

"Go until you think you must have gone too far. It's just past there, on your left."

They were absolutely right! ...and it's an awesome bar too!

Dave

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
...east is east and west is west and if you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce
they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does

 

[CRilliterate]

Once lost around my area alond Delaware riverside I stopped to ask how to get back to route 611 ans was told
'you just go and you'll see'...it took me 4 1/2 hours to 'see' my home.
I got TO the point in 45min. From point for over 4 hours.

________________________________________
I am using Windows XP, Crystal Reports 9.0 with SQL Server

 

[SilentAiche]

I lost an ounce, once, although "quarter-pounders" were oft seen at the mint.

The Cancunian said, "If you are heavy-dooty, go over there by the sea."

"Ci" I said, though my French training taught me to say "Oui."

Oui, Oui, out to Ci, thus my o"Shun." After having wet my beaches.

er, Bill

as weak tribute to Mr. Beckett...






[blue]______________________________________________________________
I love logging onto Tek-Tips. It's always so exciting to see what the hell I
said yesterday. [/blue]

 

[GPOTony]

Hi,
The village where I come from has a sign saying that the next village is 5 kilometres away.
That village has a sign saying that our village is 6 kilometres away.
Back in the old days, they were both 4 miles apart.

A couple of years ago, the other village got a traffic light. Within 30 minutes, it experienced its first ever traffic jam, as people drove from all around to see it.
This is true, my sister told me and her husband is from the other village.
tr

 

[Olaf Doschke]

The clerk opened the phone book to a local map and traced her finger along the page until she finally found the spot I was looking for. “There it is,” she said to herself. Then, looking me right in the eye, she asked, “Where are you, now?”

This reminds me of a situation quite a long time ago, as I was a child. I was sitting in the living room watching tv and heard someone walking on the roof (a flat roof). I thought to myself "Who could that be? My father perhaps?". Then my father came into the living room and I asked him the question that was on my mind, before thinking twice: "Are you on the roof?".

I swear, I was not watching something like "The Twilight Zone". I realized it was him, who I was asking, but somehow I did not thought of the impossibility to be at two places at the same time.

It's about the same "data processing error" the clerk made. It's possible to misfunction that way...

Bye, Olaf.

 

[BeenThereDoneThat]

I don't remember where I heard this but...

A lady on a bus asked the man beside her if he knew where a certain place was and which stop she should take, without hesitation he replied "Just watch me and get off two stops before I do

 

[SantaMufasa]

The "where are you now" response reminds me of the time I was lost while driving in Eastern Tennesee. I pulled over to the side of a two lane road and unfolded my map on the hood (bonnet) of my car to try to figure out where I went wrong.

Soon, a Tennessee State Patrolman pulled in behind me (with his lights flashing), and walked over to me and my map. He asked, "Is everything okay?"

I responded, "Well, I'm a little lost...I'm trying to get to Johnson City. Can you help me out?"

The patrolman said, "Sure, let me show ya' on attair mappa' yers." He looked at the map for a few seconds and a puzzled look came over his face. Finally he breaks the silence by asking me, "Where's the little 'You are Here' arrow?"

Mufasa
(aka Dave of Sandy, Utah, USA)
[

http://www.dasages.com:

Providing low-cost remote Database Admin services]
Click here to join Utah Oracle Users Group on Tek-Tips if you use Oracle in Utah USA.

 

[CRilliterate]

Santa...it is funny!

________________________________________
I am using Windows XP, Crystal Reports 9.0 with SQL Server

 

[SilentAiche]

Olaf,

Too funny! Thanks for that!

It reminds me (I have no idea why) of something that happened to me a few years ago.

It was around Christmas time, and I'd been shopping.

As I stood in the kitchen and told Mom, older brother and younger brother about my adventures, I let loose the following:

[blue]"I was standing behind this guy in front of me..."[/blue]

Due to the laughter, I never got a chance to finish the story.

Not one to give in to success, I later opined (to essentially the same group) that Wake County's growth was due primarily to newcomers. Duh.

Really, really duh.

er, Bill. Seriously. This be William. Never heard of that Tim guy.

Really.



[blue]______________________________________________________________
I love logging onto Tek-Tips. It's always so exciting to see what the hell I
said yesterday. [/blue]

 

[SantaMufasa]

I was standing behind this guy in front of me...

...Reminds me of yet another "mental-double-take" experience: My brother was trying to locate me, via telephone, at the restaurant where I was dining. The maitre'd asked my brother to describe me. My brother explained that I was 5' 7" tall, (and at the time...) about 160 lbs. with brown hair." The Maitr'd indicated that several patrons fit that description, so my brothe added, "Well, Dave used to have a moustache."


Well, described, Brother !

Mufasa
(aka Dave of Sandy, Utah, USA)
[

http://www.dasages.com:

Providing low-cost remote Database Admin services]
Click here to join Utah Oracle Users Group on Tek-Tips if you use Oracle in Utah USA.

 

[CRilliterate]

My friend told me once that 'she was driving and her purse was on 'another driver's seat' - which was a passenger seat but she couldn't think of this word at the time...we are still laughing...

________________________________________
I am using Windows XP, Crystal Reports 9.0 with SQL Server

 

[LFI]

My mother once gave a guy directions which included a turn "at the third red light." Well, one would presume she meant the third "traffic light" (whether or not it was red), but the guy following the directions got lost! He was really irate about it too! I was much younger, but I got the impression that he really kept going until he stopped at three red lights!

Dave

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
...east is east and west is west and if you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce
they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does

 

[CRilliterate]

I can not imagine he hunted you down to express his dissapointment...otherwise how do you know that he was irate?lol

________________________________________
I am using Windows XP, Crystal Reports 9.0 with SQL Server

 

[LFI]

Well the directions were to WHERE WE WERE and he did eventually get there. Believe me, he was irate! It could be my poor memory of a situation originally perceived by a child, but my mother was angry right back. How could he really believe she had meant the third RED light! (was her argument).

I could imagine driving and thinking "nope, this one's not red... Maybe the next one... doh dee doh doh..."

:-D

Dave

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
...east is east and west is west and if you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce
they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does

 

[tsdragon]

And then there's the old Johnny Carson routine "... until you get to the fork in the road (shows picture of fork), then go to the Slauson Cutoff, get out of the car, and cut off your slauson..."

Wish I could remember the whole thing, but I guess I'm lucky to remember that much.


(Sure drinking kills brain cells, but only the weak ones!)

Tracy Dryden

Meddle not in the affairs of dragons,
For you are crunchy, and good with mustard.

 

[CRilliterate]

LFI! It is funny now...really funny!

Tracy, does drinking REALLY kills brain cells? I was wondering...

________________________________________
I am using Windows XP, Crystal Reports 9.0 with SQL Server

 

[gbaughma]

It was a bit of culture shock when I moved from the Chicago area to Northern Minnesota.

In Chicago, it's like "You take 75th street east to whatever road north...."

Up here, it's "Ya go out past old man peterson's farm, turn right, go about 3 miles past the end of the blacktop...."



Just my 2¢

"In order to start solving a problem, one must first identify its owner." --Me
--Greg

 

[buck2506]

I once looked at a piece of property that included the directions:

"...after you leave the paved road follow the dirt road to 3 gates, go through the middle gate and follow the fence line about 2miles until you come to another gate. The property starts there and goes..."

Beautiful piece of land, price per acre not bad, but the quantity was the killer.