What did they REALLY say... 1

[SkipVought]

I think that it might have been in a MAD Magazine issue some 50 years ago, (yea, me an' Moses had a laugh!)

saying and quotes that were NOT as we have memorialized them.

Such as...

Captain Oliver Hazard Perry: After making little progress during the War of 1812, Perry's motto, "Don't give up the ship!" breathed life into America's fledgling navy.

What REALLY happened: Perry and the First Mate were having a BS session,

Perry: "When is the ship, not a ship?"
First Mate: "Hmmmmm?????"
Perry: "Do y' know?"
First Mate: "Hmmmmm?????????"
Perry: "Don't? Give up? The ship is not a ship, when it's afloat! Get it?"

Skip,

_{[red]Be advised:[/red]When Viscounts were guillotined just as they were disclosing where their jewels were hidden, it shows to go that you should...
Never hatchet your Counts before they chicken!}

 

[SkipVought]

I still prefer Sheco's...

"Mr. Gorbachev, tear this Wall-Mart!"

Skip,

_{[red]Be advised:[/red]When Viscounts were guillotined just as they were disclosing where their jewels were hidden, it shows to go that you should...
Never hatchet your Counts before they chicken!}

 

[GwydionM]

Moses to God: So I'm not important enough for you to give me a full dozen commandments?

Moses to the Egyptian charioteers: I've got some nice lifebelts here that I could sell you cheap

Livingstone to Stanley: Well, I'm not Queen Victoria

Disraeli: I am on the side of the angels
Voice from above: like hell he is

Lincoln to Booth: This isn't the right time for autographs

------------------------------
An old man who lives in the UK

 

[GwydionM]

Luke to Darth Vader: Could you hang on while I consult Sigmund Freud?

Emperor Palpitane to Darth Vader: OK, OK, I'll give you a raise

Emperor Palpitane (while falling): At least that solves the pensions problem

------------------------------
An old man who lives in the UK

 

[SkipVought]

Gwydion,

These are supposed to be ACTUAL quotes set in a different context, like...

Livingstone to Stanley: "Dr. Livingston, I presume."

REALLY...

"Dr. Presume, Dr. Livingston I. Presume, welcome! And can I 'presume' upon you to...? Ha........Ha ha ha"



Skip,

_{[red]Be advised:[/red]When Viscounts were guillotined just as they were disclosing where their jewels were hidden, it shows to go that you should...
Never hatchet your Counts before they chicken!}

 

[DrJavaJoe]

I did not have sexual relations, with that girl, Ms Lewinsky.

What Bill really said.

In the past four years Hilary and I did not have Sex.-You'll Relate-Shawn, with that girl Ms Lewinsky , soon enough.



Two strings walk into a bar. The first string says to the bartender: 'Bartender, I'll have a beer. u.5n$x5t?*&4ru!2[sACC~ErJ'. The second string says: 'Pardon my friend, he isn't NULL terminated'.

 

[SilentAiche]

Java

Tim

[blue]_____________________________________________________
If you need immediate assistance, please raise your hand.
If you are outside of Raleigh, raise your hand and say[/blue] [red]Ooh! Ooh![/red]

 

[Sheco]

"If you ask about coke and smack I'll just say no two drugs are better." - Nancy Reagan

 

[SkipVought]

Nance, Nancy, Nancy

Skip,

_{[red]Be advised:[/red]When Viscounts were guillotined just as they were disclosing where their jewels were hidden, it shows to go that you should...
Never hatchet your Counts before they chicken!}

 

[tsdragon]

There are lies, damn lies, and statistics my wife makes up to try to prove me wrong in an argument.

Tracy Dryden

Meddle not in the affairs of dragons,
For you are crunchy, and good with mustard.

 

[jebenson]

The quote: "There are three types of lies: lies, damn lies, and statistics." was attributed - by Twain - to Benjamin Disraeli, although there is some doubt as to whether Disraeli actually said it.

[URL unfurl="true"]http://www1c.btwebworld.com/quote-unquote/p0000149.htm[/url]

Whoever said it, the quote is resoundingly true. As someone who has a fair degree of training and work experience in statistics, my personal "favorite" misuse of statistics is in news stories. It is usually along the lines of, "Researchers have found that if you do X you are 3 times more likely to experience Y," where Y is: die, get cancer, turn green, whatever. Well, 3 times more likely than...what? If I don't do X are my chances 1 in 1 million, and if I do engage in (or partake of, etc.) X, are my chances now 3 in 1 million (which is 3 times greater)? Or is it 1 in 10 as opposed to 3 in 10, which is MUCH more significant? Throwing out statistics like this - without the baseline from which the measurement was made - just infuriates me.

I used to rock and roll every night and party every day. Then it was every other day. Now I'm lucky if I can find 30 minutes a week in which to get funky. - Homer Simpson

 

[CajunCenturion]

It's amazing (disheartening) to discover how few people know the difference between a statistical correllation and a causal relationship.

Good Luck
--------------
To get the most from your Tek-Tips experience, please read FAQ181-2886
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[jebenson]

It's amazing (disheartening) to discover how few people know the difference between a statistical correllation and a causal relationship.

Ummm...I hope that wasn't directed at ME, CajunCenturion, 'cause where I come from them's fightin' words! ;D

I can see it now...

Chi-squares at dawn, and he who does not show is 5 times more likely to be a n'er-do-well scalawag!

--------------------------------------

Speaking of amazing/disheartening, I once had the joy of explaining to a person who has a Ph.D., that a mean and an average are the same thing, in response to the question, "Why did you use means in your analysis, instead of averages?"

I used to rock and roll every night and party every day. Then it was every other day. Now I'm lucky if I can find 30 minutes a week in which to get funky. - Homer Simpson

 

[SantaMufasa]

JE, What a "mean" thing to tell a Phd. of such "average" intelligence.


Mufasa
(aka Dave of Sandy, Utah, USA)

http://www.dasages.com

Do you use Oracle and live or work in Utah, USA?
Then click here to join Utah Oracle Users Group on Tek-Tips.

 

[UniqueFD]

Which grade pencil should you sketch with? 2B or not? 2B is my preference, but you make your own mind up!

Tony

 

[UniqueFD]

Or...

Schwartzenegger - "Well, I'll Be! Back when I was a lad we'd never say that!"

Tony

 

[UniqueFD]

and...

Seminar Presenter (hyped up) – “OK everyone; you have to clap whenever I mention I.T. – OK? Got it?! Right-on! IT (come-on, clap those hands) can be the best industry in the world to be in if you’re happy. And, you know, IT (clap your hands) keeps you young! Oh Yeah!!!”

Sorry. Got a bit carried away. I'll stop now.

Tony

 

[KenCunningham]

One of my favourites is that attributed to King Harold at Hastings:

"If that lad's not careful with that bow, he'll have someone's eye out with it!" Insert well-known Anglo-Saxon expletive between that and bow for the full effect.

Then there's the passenger on the Titanic: "I know I asked for ice with my G&T, but this is ridiculous".

Now, where did I leave my coat?

 

[SkipVought]

"Leave the Phillipines, I shall! Return? Never!"

Skip,

_{[red]Be advised:[/red]When Viscounts were guillotined just as they were disclosing where their jewels were hidden, it shows to go that you should...
Never hatchet your Counts before they chicken!}

 

[CajunCenturion]

jebenson - On the contrary, it is in support of your position about how easy it is to misuse and mislead people with statistics. One of the easiest ways to accomplish that is to show a statistical correllation which is not based on a causal relationship.

Statistics is a formal discipline and when used properly forms the foundations for many systems, especially stochastic processes. No statistic is a lie, but it is people who lie about the statistics, usually taking it out of context, or implying a relationship that doesn't exist. And even when the properly applied mathematics does not support your position, you can easily right it off as another misuse of statistics. That, in my opinion, is just as much a lie as the one who supports the argument that women whose shoe size is greater than 7, and men whose shoe size is greater than 9 should not be allowed to drive because there is a statistical correllation between shoe size and DWI arrests. The statement is true, and there is a statistical correlation, but it is meaningless because there is no causal relationship between the two.

Statistics do not lie. People lie. The lie is in the mis-application of the statistics.

Good Luck
--------------
To get the most from your Tek-Tips experience, please read FAQ181-2886
As a circle of light increases so does the circumference of darkness around it. - Albert Einstein

 

[SkipVought]

CC & jebenson

Which is why in a court of law, a witness is sworn to tell...

The Truth

The Whole Truth

Nothing but The Truth.

A twisted statistic is a twisted truth, which turns out to be Not The Truth.

Skip,

_{[red]Be advised:[/red]When Viscounts were guillotined just as they were disclosing where their jewels were hidden, it shows to go that you should...
Never hatchet your Counts before they chicken!}