Tek-Tips is the largest IT community on the Internet today!

Members share and learn making Tek-Tips Forums the best source of peer-reviewed technical information on the Internet!

  • Congratulations IamaSherpa on being selected by the Tek-Tips community for having the most helpful posts in the forums last week. Way to Go!

Unintellegence Attacks Mid-West 2

Status
Not open for further replies.

thekl0wn

Programmer
Jan 12, 2006
292
US
It seems like I'm surrounded by more sub-par intellectuals than most on here, so I thought I'd share a few recent incidents from people around me.

Incident #1: A guy I work with was asking about different sandwich selections at a local Subway restaurant, and made his decision, but needed to know the price. He asks the girl behind the counter, "How much is a foot-long?" Her reply was holding her hands about twelve inches apart, and saying, "About that much." Dead-serious. No smile.

Incident #2: A friend of mine calls me, and asks, "Is Alaska an island?" My reply was, "You're joking, right?" She was not, however. She saw a truck in Indiana with Alaskan plates, and couldn't figure out how it got to Indiana, and her husband told her they probably drove, and she thought that was funny because everyone knows trucks don't float. Her argument for thinking it was an island, is that when looking at a map of the United States, Alaska is typically shown in a separate box in the corner of the map... Right by Hawaii.

Incident #3: Same girl from incident #2. She was helping her husband fill out a job application, and was going through the checklist the employer sent along. One of the items on the checklist was, "Be sure to include your return mailing address on the envelope." She got a blank stare, and looks at her husband going, "Honey, I know what our mailing address is, but what's a return mailing address?"

Incident #4: Eating at Hacienda (local Mexican restaurant) a few months ago, I asked our waitress what day that Cinco de Mayo fell on this year. She said she would check, and walks over to a calender to see. She came back and said, "It looks like it's on the fifth of May this year." I found that funny enough in itself, but didn't laugh, and simply said, "No, I meant what day? As in Monday, Tuesday..." She then came back with another classic line, "Oh, so it's one of those holidays like Thanksgiving that falls on the last Thursday of the month."

Incident #5: Same girl from incident #2. We were swimming at her house one day, and she got home about the same time as her brother-in-law was leaving. Well, after he left I told her that he dropped a cigarette in the pool, and burnt a hole in the bottom. She looked down, and saw a brown sap stain on the bottom, and flew into a fury! She was out for blood! Well, we got her calmed down, and then I simply told her, "Think about it. How could a cigarette burn the bottom of a pool full of water?" Her reply, "I know. I know. It would float."

Let's hear some of yours.
 
Hey, don't ask me! I love having women stare and point at me.

It's their laughing that bothers me.... ;-)

< M!ke >
Acupuncture Development: a jab well done.
 

OMG.

Well, I would say that a chat about boating, gas prices, and other stuff with the whole group is much better as a conversation starter than clearly hitting up on the girls. Then he could still proceed to '"viewing" and chatting up the young ladies', and there is a smaller chance of being told off, too.

In my opinion, of course. Men may know better :-D.

Besides, Wal-Mart? Maybe those were girls from a pricey department store. ;-)
 
Stella said:
Maybe those were girls from a pricey department store.

Now that's funny! Granted every one of the girls is cute as can be, I don't think Rural King is considered a pricey department store!
 

It might have been.

Him: You goin' boatin' t'day?

You: No, we've been pulling this thing around all day to see if it affects the gas mileage.

Him: Watch out! They're doin' sobriety checks on the lake, an as I see yer icin' down some frosty ones, you might-oughtta know that they ain't being a piece o'lenient. I wouldn't wanna see them thar pretty girls up in the jailhouse with my cousin Jeb.

--Gooser
 
The above discussion reminds me of one I had recently with my wife after she arrived home in very high spirits following her doctor's appointment:
Conversation said:
I: Why are you in such a good mood?

Wifey: 'Cause the doctor just told me that I had the breasts of an 18-year-old.

I: What did he say about your 54-year-old butt?

Wifey: Frankly, your name didn't come up during the entire conversation.
[banghead]

[santa]Mufasa
(aka Dave of Sandy, Utah, USA)
[I provide low-cost, remote Database Administration services: www.dasages.com]
 
<off-topic>
Maybe it wasn't the girls he was oogling.
</off-topic>


James P. Cottingham
-----------------------------------------
I'm number 1,229!
I'm number 1,229!
 
Then there's one of MY wife's personal favorites:

What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
Through his chest with a sharp knife.

< M!ke >
Acupuncture Development: a jab well done.
 

She's only six, but my daughter was oogling her new goldfish last night and noticed something trailing from the bottom of one. I told her what it was and her eyes got big and she looked back into the tank before asking in astonishment, "Fish can go poopy!?"

Oh, the innocence of youth.

--Gooser
 
2ffat said:
<off-topic>
Maybe it wasn't the girls he was oogling.
</off-topic>

fluffy.gif
 
~Chuckles~
Santa & Mrs. Claus said:
I: Why are you in such a good mood?

Wifey: 'Cause the doctor just told me that I had the breasts of an 18-year-old.

I: What did he say about your 54-year-old butt?

Wifey: Frankly, your name didn't come up during the entire conversation.

Mrs. Claus +1
Mr. Claus 0

Total Score: Unknown

Mike
______________________________________________________________
[banghead] "It Seems All My Problems Exist Between Keyboard and Chair"
 
Isn't it ogle? Is there such a thing as oogle?

[COLOR=#aa88aa black]Cum catapultae proscriptae erunt tum soli proscript catapultas habebunt.[/color]
 
Oh... here's the doctored football image. Some parts of it were more skillfully done than others... hehe.


Click to see full-sized image

[COLOR=#aa88aa black]Cum catapultae proscriptae erunt tum soli proscript catapultas habebunt.[/color]
 
ESquared,

Being unable to doctor images very well (and being a Dallas Cowboy fan) I must say I LOVE the picture :)
 
Esquared,
Isn't it ogle? Is there such a thing as oogle?
You are quite correct. The word should have been ogle.I guess I've been gogling googgling surfing too much.



James P. Cottingham
-----------------------------------------
I'm number 1,229!
I'm number 1,229!
 
Another example of reverse unintelligence I just remembered...

I was in an astronomy class at a local community college. The instructor asked the class what they thought the most common element in the atmosphere was. Being somewhat of a science type guy, I immediately answered with "Nitrogen!"

Nearly the entire class burst out laughing at me.

The instructor had to silence them, saying "Don't laugh, he's right!"

So very sad.

[COLOR=#aa88aa black]Cum catapultae proscriptae erunt tum soli proscript catapultas habebunt.[/color]
 
ESquared: Ummm... yeah... that is right. I learned that in earth science in 9th grade... shame that college students didn't realize that.... :S



Just my 2¢
-Cole's Law: Shredded cabbage

--Greg
 
Yeah, the girl I've told most of the unintelligent stories on in this thread has her bachelor's degree in Global Economics, and is working on her master's. She's actually made a comment on the whole Nitrogen issue. I believe her exact reply to it being the most abundant element in the atmosphere was, "No it's not. If it were, we would all suffocate or die.
 
Would you like me to

hit your knee with a baseball bat

OR

break your leg?

You can only choose one, now.

[COLOR=#aa88aa black]Cum catapultae proscriptae erunt tum soli proscript catapultas habebunt.[/color]
 
Now, if they had asked what the most common element in the UNIVERSE was, I would have to say Hydrogen.

thekl0wn:
Have your friend try breathing 100% oxygen. ;-)



Just my 2¢
-Cole's Law: Shredded cabbage

--Greg
 
Status
Not open for further replies.

Similar threads

Part and Inventory Search

Sponsor

Back
Top