The idiosyncrasy of the English Language

[Lunatic]

My applogies if this has already been posted, I searched for several of the phrases and couldn't find them in a search of MAI. My uncle sent these to me via e-mail, I don't know where they origionated from:

English language!

If you ever feel stupid, then just read on. If you've learned to speak fluent English, you must be a genius! This little treatise on the lovely language we share is only for the brave. Peruse at your leisure, English lovers.

Reasons why the English language is so hard to learn:

1) The bandage was wound around the wound.

2) The farm was used to produce produce.

3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.

4) We must polish the Polish furniture.

5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.

6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.

7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.

8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.

9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

10) I did not object to the object.

11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.

13) They were too close to the door to close it.

14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.

15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.

16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.

17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.

18) After a number of injections my jaw got number.

19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.

20) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France . Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.

Quicksand works slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. And why is it that writers write, but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?

If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it? Is it an odd, or an end?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship?

Have noses that run and feet that smell?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out, and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.

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Have a problem with my spelling or grammar? Please refer all complaints to my English teacher:
Ralphy "Me fail English? That's unpossible." Wiggum

 

[mmerlinn]

Every language has different rules concerning grammatical gender.

For example, in German every word with the added suffix 'chen' is automatically Neuter (no gender, 'it') regardless of physical gender, e.g., 'das Maedchen' which means 'the girl'. (To you German readers: Sorry about not using the umlaut, but I don't know how to make it happen.)

There are a few other classes of English words that also take the Feminine gender, but I can't remember what they are. Seems to me that the countries of the world are one, but I haven't studied English in so long I just can't remember.


mmerlinn

"Political correctness is the BADGE of a COWARD!"

 

[Ladyazh]

OMGoodness gracious! There IS Santa! (I know you are probably have a different last name)
THANKS, it was awesome!!! Happy New Year to you!!!

 

[MallardVHS]

quote flapeyre: " Note that in some countries, ships are referred to in the masculine gender (Russia). "


Thus, "The Hunt for Rhett October"

(would a "hehe" be redundancy here ??"

Don

 

[SantaMufasa]

All I can say is, "Don must be Tim re-incarnate"...Old habits die hard, huh. <grin>

Mufasa
(aka Dave of Sandy, Utah, USA)
[I provide low-cost, remote Database Administration services: www.dasages.com]

 

[flapeyre]

Tibi gratias agimus quod nihil fumas.

 

[MallardVHS]

SaintaMufasa,

Are you (in re Die Hard) THinking of Brew Swillis? Frankly, I width you'd kept a low profile.

(Sorry, only "Die hard" ) joke I could thinK of, in the Nick of Time.

Don