The idiosyncrasy of the English Language

[Lunatic]

My applogies if this has already been posted, I searched for several of the phrases and couldn't find them in a search of MAI. My uncle sent these to me via e-mail, I don't know where they origionated from:

English language!

If you ever feel stupid, then just read on. If you've learned to speak fluent English, you must be a genius! This little treatise on the lovely language we share is only for the brave. Peruse at your leisure, English lovers.

Reasons why the English language is so hard to learn:

1) The bandage was wound around the wound.

2) The farm was used to produce produce.

3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.

4) We must polish the Polish furniture.

5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.

6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.

7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.

8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.

9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

10) I did not object to the object.

11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.

13) They were too close to the door to close it.

14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.

15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.

16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.

17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.

18) After a number of injections my jaw got number.

19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.

20) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France . Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.

Quicksand works slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. And why is it that writers write, but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?

If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it? Is it an odd, or an end?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship?

Have noses that run and feet that smell?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out, and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.

***************************************
Have a problem with my spelling or grammar? Please refer all complaints to my English teacher:
Ralphy "Me fail English? That's unpossible." Wiggum

 

[flapeyre]

I think that comes frome one of Richard Lederer's books, maybe Anguished English. Not sure, since most of my paperbacks were in the attic room where two pine trees fell during Katrina.

Sumptum fac donec consumptus sis.

-- my wife's motto

 

[SantaMufasa]

Lederer's list shows that the English Language has not only idiosyncracies, but also "idiot-syncracies".

Mufasa
(aka Dave of Sandy, Utah, USA)
[I provide low-cost, remote Database Administration services: www.dasages.com]

 

[Ladyazh]

I have an urge to ask
-And what are you going to do about it? (meaning everyone incl.Lederer)

 

[SantaMufasa]

And what are you going to do about it?

I suggest our adopting Esperanto...the easiest-to-learn, most consistent language on the face of the earth.

Mufasa
(aka Dave of Sandy, Utah, USA)
[I provide low-cost, remote Database Administration services: www.dasages.com]

 

[CajunCenturion]

==> And what are you going to do about it?

I'm thinking about starting a forum so we can talk about it.

--------------
Good Luck
To get the most from your Tek-Tips experience, please read FAQ181-2886
As a circle of light increases so does the circumference of darkness around it. - Albert Einstein

 

[Trevoke]

Yeah but not this one!

http://tek-tips.com/viewthread.cfm?qid=1314551

: Tao Te Ching Discussions : Chapter 1 (will include links to previous chapters)

 

[Ladyazh]

I always wanted to speak Esperanto but doesn't it have few English words at least?

 

[TheRambler]

>And what are you going to do about it?
Just laugh...

 

[SantaMufasa]

Esperanto is a language that an 18-year-old Polish boy genius, Ludwig Zamenhof (1859-1917), developed as his contribution to "World Peace" (He asserted that strife between peoples arose fundamentally from the lack of a common/universal language by which to resolve differences.)

Esperanto has a Latin-based look and feel to it...if you understand any of the Romance languages (Spanish, French, Italian, Portuguese, et cetera), you should be comfortable with Esperanto, but there are Germanic influences in Esperanto, as well. Certainly, there are English cognates in Esperanto that would make the language comfortable for even traditionally provincial "'Murkins" to learn.

Mufasa
(aka Dave of Sandy, Utah, USA)
[I provide low-cost, remote Database Administration services: www.dasages.com]

 

[johnherman]

Ah, English....

We drive on parkways and park on driveways.
We have jumbo shrimp, freezer burn, and other oxymorons.
We have homonyms like to, two, and too.
We have words spelled exactly the same with different pronunciations (like "read" (reed) and "read" (red)).
We claim to be gender neutral but almost universally use the masculine when referring to one individual whose gender is not known, except for vessels, which are invariably female.
We have word prefixes like pro and con, but congress is not the opposite of progress (although some might argue this point).
And, we have words with negative prefixes which mean the same as their parent word, such as regardless and irregardless.

Ah, English....


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The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was - Steven Wright

 

[SantaMufasa]

...we have words...such as regardless and irregardless.

...What we have here is one word and one abomination.


Mufasa
(aka Dave of Sandy, Utah, USA)
[I provide low-cost, remote Database Administration services: www.dasages.com]

 

[KornGeek]

And, we have words with negative prefixes which mean the same as their parent word, such as regardless and irregardless.

An alternate example would be "flammable" and "inflammable".

And what about words that have two opposite meanings, such as "presently".

I am presently going to the store. (I will soon be going to the store.)

I am presently at the store. (I am at the store right now.)

 

[2ffat]

We have the same word with opposite meanings like peruse (to examine or consider with attention and in detail ) and peruse (to look over or through in a casual or cursory manner).



James P. Cottingham
-----------------------------------------
^{I'm number 1,229!
I'm number 1,229!}

 

[Sympology]

3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse"

We tend to call them tips in UK...not dumps...lol

Only the truly stupid believe they know everything.
Stu.. 2004

 

[flapeyre]

I'm mad about my flat.

UK: I really, really like my apartment.
US: I'm angry because I ran over something which caused the air to leak from my car's tire.

Sumptum fac donec consumptus sis.

-- my wife's motto

 

[Ladyazh]

I really need that rolling laughing emoticon here, flapeyre!

("" ... Merry Christmas, Ladyazh, from Santa)

 

[Welshbird]

When I read the first post in this thread it took me a little while to see the problem. I guess I just read the words in the correct way automatically without any problems.

It is a very odd language though - 'wonky' I would have to say.

Fee

The question should be [red]Is it worth trying to do?[/red] not [blue] Can it be done?[/blue]

 

[mmerlinn]

We claim to be gender neutral but almost universally use the masculine when referring to one individual whose gender is not known, except for vessels, which are invariably female.

Grammatical gender and physical gender are not necessarily the same.


mmerlinn

"Political correctness is the BADGE of a COWARD!"

 

[flapeyre]

Note that in some countries, ships are referred to in the masculine gender (Russia).

Sumptum fere libenter homines id quod volunt credunt.

-- Iulius Cæsar