Software Engineering Product Terminology - joke 8

[BJCooperIT]

NEW: Different colors from previous version.

ALL NEW: Software is not compatible with previous version.

UNMATCHED: Almost as good as the competition.

ADVANCED DESIGN: Upper management doesn't understand it.

NO MAINTENANCE: Impossible to fix.

BREAKTHROUGH: It finally booted on the first try.

DESIGN SIMPLICITY: Developed on a shoestring budget.

UPGRADED: Did not work the first time.

UPGRADED AND IMPROVED: Did not work the second time.

Any other terms to add?

^{Beware of false knowledge; it is more dangerous than ignorance. ~George Bernard Shaw}
Consultant/Custom Forms & PL/SQL - Oracle 8.1.7 - Windows 2000

 

[clarkin]

to get back on topic here's a few taken directly from Adobe's feature list (

http://www.adobe.com/products/creativesuite/newfeatures.html)

FASTER PERFORMANCE: by now, your pc is faster. Moore's Law.

USABILITY ENHANCEMENTS: now works how you are used to seeing our competitor's products behave

UPGRADE EASE: better backup that settings file

TIGHTER MICROSOFT OFFICE INTEGRATION: however it works, it will be better than no office integration

Posting code? Wrap it with code tags: [ignore]

[/ignore][code]CodeHere

[ignore][/code][/ignore].

 

[Tarwn]

Heh, heres a couple buzz lines:

Developed Targeting the Intersection of _______ and _______: We have two totally unrelated skills and decided to do something with them

Leveraging (in any of it's uses): We bribed the developers

Unleash the power of: You'll never see it being used, but trust us, it's in there somewhere

Comnig soon: We sacked the programming team, but the new one looks like it may be finished this year

Enterprise Class: Big

Enterprise-class environments: You have more than 5 employees

High-impact: It will hurt more when it fails

Supports Gloabl _________ Standards: We don't know that it doesn't work anywhere ele....yet

Overload protection: The program will gracefully quit when you give it "to much" work to do

Stat-of-the-art: No one else bothered but we figured it had to be useful for something...there's one born every what?

Next-Generation _______: the amount of time it will take for the customers to forget this product and trust us enougn to buy the next one

Sorry, been dealing with to much sales-ese recently, it's amazing what they do to justify their paychecks...

_{01000111 01101111 01110100 00100000 01000011 01101111 01100110 01100110 01100101 01100101 00111111}
The never-completed website:

http://www.tiernok.com/

 

[Chacalinc]

LINUX: antivirus for MS-Windows virus.

 

[greyted]

http://WWW =

World Wide Wait

ISDN = It Still Does Nothing

SCSI = System Can't See It

DOS = Defective Operating System

IBM = I Blame Microsoft

PENTIUM = Produces Erroneous Numbers Through Incorrect
Understanding Of Mathematics


Ted

"The difference between a misfortune and a calamity is this: If Gladstone fell into the Thames, it would be a misfortune. But if someone dragged him out again, that would be a calamity."
Benjamin Disraeli.

 

[sleipnir214]

PCMCIA: People Can't Memorize Computer Industry Acronyms

Want the best answers? Ask the best questions:

http://www.catb.org/~esr/faqs/smart-questions.html

TANSTAAFL!!

 

[jrbarnett]

Further to Greyted and Sleipnir214's abbreviations:

APPLE - Arrogance Produces Profit Losing Entity
BASIC - Bill's Attempt to Sieze Industry Control
CD-ROM - Consumer Device Rendered Obsolete in Months
COBOL - Completely Obsolete Business Oriented Language
DVD - Disappointing. Very Dear.
JAVA - Just Another Vague Acronym
MACINTOSH - Most Applications Crash; If Not, The Operating System Hangs.
MCSE - Must Consult Somebody with Expertise
MICROSOFT - Mad Idiosyncratic Cretin Runs Overbearing Source Of Faulty Technology
WAP - Without Application Potential.
WINDOWS - Will Install Needless Data On Whole System.

John