Possibly the best opening line of a news story ever. 1

[Welshbird]

Full story

A German student created a major traffic jam in Bavaria when he 'mooned' a group of Hell's Angels, hurled a puppy at them and then escaped on a bulldozer.

Quite excellent I thought!

Fee

"The cure for anything is salt water – sweat, tears, or the sea." Isak Dinesen

 

[Noway2]

This sounds really reminiscent of one of the missions in Saint's Row2. The one where you and Johnny Gatt put on the yellow coats and frame the Vice Kings.

 

[drlex]

I was thinking that perhaps it was a scene from Brüno.

soi là, soi carré

 

[Andrzejek]

By the same line, here are
the opening sentence to the worst of all possible novels

Something like this one:
"As a scientist, Throckmorton knew that if he were ever to break wind in the echo chamber he would never hear the end of it."

Have fun.

---- Andy

 

[CajunCenturion]

==> "As a scientist, Throckmorton knew that if he were ever to break wind in the echo chamber he would never hear the end of it."
Oh no, that line just stinks.

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[hjgoldstein]

Oh no, that line just stinks...tinks...inks...nks...ks...s

It is time for pacifists to stand up and fight for their beliefs.

 

[Noway2]

And Klingons are rude, crude and like to do things like fart in crowded elevators. From a very old Star Trek book that was written after the series firt aired but before it became popular again, even in books.

 

[philhege]

For your edification, here is the mother lode of bad opening lines. I know; it's not news, but it's bad. Very bad. You have been warned.

-------++NO CARRIER++-------

 

[Annihilannic]

4. "Stanley looked quite bored and somewhat detached, but then penguins often do."

I actually like that one!

Annihilannic.

 

[BadBigBen]

I kinda like these, specially the first one:

http://www.oddee.com/item_96156.aspx

Ben
"If it works don't fix it! If it doesn't use a sledgehammer..."
How to ask a question, when posting them to a professional forum.
Only ask questions with yes/no answers if you want "yes" or "no"

 

[hjgoldstein]

I remember seeing a report on TV on the day of the 7/7 memorial service in St. Pauls Cathedral. It was on BBC breakfast which, as anyone who has watched it knows, repeats almost everything every half hour.

The reporter was trying to explain that each of the four bombs was going to be represented by someone carrying a candle into the cathedral.

All subsequent versions of the report (live in each case) started differently from the original

"Four candles..."

You need to be familiar with The Two Ronnies to really appreciate what made such a serious event so funny.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Four_Candles

It is time for pacifists to stand up and fight for their beliefs.

 

[1DMF]

Am I the only one thinking, poor little doggy?

The post to the article even has a suggestion of having copycat crimes.

Leave the poor defenceless animals alone, you sick puppies!



"In complete darkness we are all the same, only our knowledge and wisdom separates us, don't let your eyes deceive you."

"If a shortcut was meant to be easy, it wouldn't be a shortcut, it would be the way!"

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[2ffat]

Leave the poor defenceless animals alone, you sick puppies!

Pun intended?


James P. Cottingham
[sup]I'm number 1,229!
I'm number 1,229![/sup]

 

[jebenson]

I must say, that is one beautifully crafted sentence. It conveys all of the high points of the story, and it is so full of unadulterated awesome that it DEMANDS the reader finish the rest of the story. The author should get a Pulitzer.


Btw, did anybody else read the related story, "Porno burger van busted"? Talk about the entrepreneurial spirit!


I used to rock and roll every night and party every day. Then it was every other day. Now I'm lucky if I can find 30 minutes a week in which to get funky. - Homer Simpson

Arrrr, mateys! Ye needs ta be preparin' yerselves fer Talk Like a Pirate Day!

 

[1DMF]

Am I missing something here? After reading the article I felt cheated and lied too.

Firstly I couldn't beleive anyone could escape on a bulldozer due to their speed, and they didn't escape! Escape means to avoid capture, they didn't!

hmm let me see...

OAP moon's at park wardens, lobs a duck at them and escapes on a pedalo....

about as beleivable!

"In complete darkness we are all the same, only our knowledge and wisdom separates us, don't let your eyes deceive you."

"If a shortcut was meant to be easy, it wouldn't be a shortcut, it would be the way!"

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[kwbMitel]

Re:>>Am I missing something here?

Yup, the factuality of the article is irrespective of the awesomeness of the opening line.

*******************************************************
Occam's Razor - All things being equal, the simplest solution is the right one.

 

[1DMF]

lol - funny how I read things compared to other people, I just don't see what they see!

I thought it bizzare, cruel and unlikely and when I read the article it was!

"In complete darkness we are all the same, only our knowledge and wisdom separates us, don't let your eyes deceive you."

"If a shortcut was meant to be easy, it wouldn't be a shortcut, it would be the way!"

Google Rank Extractor -> Perl beta with FusionCharts

 

[philhege]

Btw, did anybody else read the related story, "Porno burger van busted"? Talk about the entrepreneurial spirit!

I've just decided on my new nom de plume:

P. Burgher vanBusted

Perfect!

-------++NO CARRIER++-------

 

[traingamer]

And, in a completely unrelated note:

Fee, when did you change your handle?

Greg
People demand freedom of speech as a compensation for the freedom of thought which they seldom use. Kierkegaard

 

[Welshbird]

Oh, little while ago. Sorry - I just realised I was Welshbird everywhere else. So seemed sensible.

Hurrah for Welshbirds everywhere!

Fee

"The cure for anything is salt water – sweat, tears, or the sea." Isak Dinesen