Paring down a sentence

[tsdragon]

One of my bosses asked me to look over a letter he had written to a client. The last sentence was: "If I can answer any questions you may have please feel free to call me." I changed it to: "If you have any questions please call me." My logic was:

1) How would the client know whether he could answer the question or not until he asked it. That part is just stupid.

2) The use of "you may have" (passive voice?) is just overly wordy.

3) Of course the client should "feel free to call." To suggest otherwise would be rude.

Was I correct?


Tracy Dryden

Meddle not in the affairs of dragons,
For you are crunchy, and good with mustard.

 

[SantaMufasa]

Your goal (to simplify the sentence) is absolutely correct. One of your reasons, however, was slightly askew: "you may have" is actually not passive voice.

Passive voice results when we relegate the active subject (i.e., the "actor") of a sentence to a passive position in the sentence (usually behind the word "by") or when the "actor" is completely anonymous.

Here are examples of Passive-voice sentences and their Active-voice counterparts:

Passive: "A good time was had by all." <-- relegation.
Active: "Everyone had a good time."

Passive: "The car was wrecked." <-- anonymous actor.
Active: "My friend wrecked his car."

Passive: "Typically, passive voice should be avoided."
Active: "We should typically avoid passive voice."



Mufasa
(aka Dave of Sandy, Utah, USA)
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[ggauthier]

My standard closing for those situations is:

Please do not hesitate to call if you have any questions.

-glenn

 

[GwydionM]

My reaction to

Please do not hesitate to call if you have any questions

is: this person would sooner not be bothered by questions. Which is my own attitude a lot of the time, but I force myself to remember that answering questions is part of my job.


------------------------------
An old man who lives in the UK

 

[CRilliterate]

I like "If you have any questions please call me" as Tracy
originaly posted. Right ON!

________________________________________
I am using Windows XP, Crystal Reports 9.0 with SQL Server

 

[tsdragon]

Dave, I suspected that it really wasn't passive voice, that's the reason for the parentical question. I did know that is just didn't sound right.

CRilliterate: I appreciate the support, although I'm of two minds on the value of such support on a linguistic issue from one with a handle like yours <grin>.


Tracy Dryden

Meddle not in the affairs of dragons,
For you are crunchy, and good with mustard.

 

[SilentAiche]

This subject came up sometime in early 2005 (I was new to TT).

Although I agree it sounds polite to invite questions, part of me thinks it is unnecessary.

Invited or not, I'm going to call if I have questions!

Tim

[blue]______________________________________________________________
I love logging onto Tek-Tips. It's always so exciting to see what the hell I
said yesterday. [/blue]

 

[palmer73]

I avoid using the word "Please" in most situations, if there is a question, it's going to be asked. (with or without my pleasure ;-) )

I just say : Have a question? Call me.

 

[tsdragon]

I'd agree with the last two posting. It really wasn't necessary to say anything at all. But I didn't think I could get away with cutting the sentence completely, so I pared it down as much as possible. I left the "please" because I was taught it is more polite to ask please than to order.

Tracy Dryden

Meddle not in the affairs of dragons,
For you are crunchy, and good with mustard.

 

[BoxHead]

SilentAiche - Invited or not, I'm going to call if I have questions!

palmer73 - if there is a question, it's going to be asked. (with or without my pleasure)

tsdragon - I'd agree with the last two posting. It really wasn't necessary to say anything at all.

Tracy, here's another point of view.

I used to be in Sales and I won quite a few Clients from the competitor by asking questions about their service that only the competitor could answer.

When they would glance at the floor in response to my suggestions that they call their current vendor for the answer, I knew that they didn't have a clue who they could/would/should call.

That's when I'd write my cell phone number on the back of my card and tell them they could call me any time they wanted.

It might seem like a no-brainer that they should call your boss with any problems or questions, but sometimes Clients answer their own questions and solve their own problems by switching to a different service provider.




John

 

[LFI]

(1) I'm curious why GwydionM thinks that the phrase "Please do not hesitate to call if you have any questions" implies that the writer "would sooner not be bothered by questions". I've certainly used a phrase to this effect before and never thought it sounded off-putting.

(2) To use this type of sentence (Please call...) is, to me, a friendly way out of a letter that might otherwise have been filled with formalities or technical mumbo-jumbo. Perhaps something else ("I look forward to our future collaboration..." or whatever) might be better suited in a particular situation.

(3) Whenever I have felt compelled to include such a sentence at the end of a letter (or post, for example, on Tek-Tips), I think it was because I wasn't sure whether the content of my letter was understandable from the intended-recipient's point of view. Either I was unfamiliar with the addressee's knowledge base (and might not, for example, understand all the terminology used in the letter) or I included a lot of new information at one time and was concerned about information overload. In such cases, I think the sign off of "Please call if..." is another way of saying "I'm not so proud to think that the text of this message conveys what I am trying to say perfectly and am concerned whether you 'get' it all." On the other hand, that might be considered the lazy-person's approach to letter writing (i.e., why not just take the time to review/modify the letter content until you're sure it is clear), but I go back to the notion that sometimes it is impossible to know enough about your audience to do that.

Dave

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
...east is east and west is west and if you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce
they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does

 

[SilentAiche]

Perhaps I should explain my position a bit further.

I think I reached the "overload" point after receiving too many memos about stupid things that required no further inquiry and yet they still invited questions. Grrr....

[red]"Please be advised that Parking Deck #49 will be closed this weekend, from 9:00 AM Saturday until 4:00 PM Sunday, so that repair crews can repaint the lines between the parking spaces. We regret any inconvenience."[/red]

IMHO, this message does not require the tired addendum of "If you have any questions, please call me."

[green]Stupid Question #1: Does that include Saturday Night?[/green]

Please don't call with that one - I cannot promise not to be rude.

Tim

[blue]______________________________________________________________
I love logging onto Tek-Tips. It's always so exciting to see what the hell I
said yesterday. [/blue]

 

[AnotherHiggins]

My reaction ... is: this person would sooner not be bothered by questions

I totally and completely fail to see how you arrive at that conclusion.

I'm with LFI. A lot of the data I provide goes to customers. Those might be internal or external customers. Even if they are internal, it is important to keep in mind that they are customers and should be treated accordingly.

Think of an example when you were a customer and received poor customer service. Then resolve not to be 'that guy' who treats customers poorly.

As for the repeatedly-stated opinion that questions will come whether they are welcome or not: I agree. But let’s look at that another way....

As someone who has ended hundreds, perhaps thousands, of e-mails and letters with a "Please feel free to call with any questions"-type sentence, I can tell you unequivocally that inviting questions does not prompt readers to call unless they do have a question. So why not be polite and invite any questions?

It is simply a polite way to end the e-mail/letter while making yourself accessible should further help be needed.

[tt]_____
[blue]-John[/blue][/tt]
[tab][red]The plural of anecdote is not data[/red]

Help us help you. Please read FAQ181-2886 before posting.

 

[buck2506]

The current teaching in business com is that in a memo or letter you should address all of the client's questions. But we all know that is not the case.
The "Please do not hesitate..." line was recommended against because it sounded stuffy.

 

[Chacalinc]

I always use: "if you have any question don't hesitate to let me know". (how?) write me an email, call me, whatever you want... at least it works for me (and my english is quite limited!)

Cheers.

Chacal, Inc.

 

[LFI]

The "Please do not hesitate..." line was recommended against because it sounded stuffy.

I could see that seeing this at the end of every single communicae you get leading to the creation of that feeling. The sincerity is gone.

Perhaps revisiting it. How about something like: "The best time to reach me is from 8 to 12, Mondays and Wednesdays through Fridays, but feel free to try and reach me any time if you need me."

...or some variation on that theme.

Dave

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
...east is east and west is west and if you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce
they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does

 

[SilentAiche]

Higgins,

After some consideration, I'm a bit embarrassed by this one. Your experience in customer service has led directly to an adjustment to my opinion. Thanks for that.

Despite the obvious and regrettable arrogance of my previous posts, I myself have received memos that left me with questions, regardless of whether or not the memo invited questions. Sometimes I had questions the memo-writer might not have anticipated. Skewered not, should he be (or so said Yoda).

I fancy myself a decent writer, one who can accurately convey a thought. HA! No one, with any given audience, can cover every base. It is not possible, no matter the quality of the writing. You (we) simply cannot assume what questions the reader might have. Give them a break!

Tim

(BTW- this all started with a particularly silly memo that invited questions, whereafter I ended my memos with "[blue] If you have any questions, lean your head back and hum the tune to the Andy Griffith Show. You might not get the answer, but you should feel better."[/blue]




[blue]______________________________________________________________
I love logging onto Tek-Tips. It's always so exciting to see what the hell I
said yesterday. [/blue]

 

[IknowMe]

Received this one in an E-mail today.

We appreciate your support in our endeavor to improve the quality of tools provided for employees to perform their jobs.

Sure seems a bit over the top to me.

Wow, I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time.
I think I've forgotten this before.

 

[tsdragon]

I agree, a bit over the top. Also convolutedly worded.

Tracy Dryden

Meddle not in the affairs of dragons,
For you are crunchy, and good with mustard.

 

[CRilliterate]

Quote (GwydionM):
My reaction ... is: this person would sooner not be bothered by questions

Did you mean 'rather' in place of 'sooner'???
If not, please, explain if you can, please...

________________________________________
I am using Windows XP, Crystal Reports 9.0 with SQL Server