Out of the mouths of babes... 5

[SantaMufasa]

...come some mighty interesting, typically humorous (mis)interpretations of the English language.

While we were listening to my collection of classic Simon & Garfunkel, my four-year-old granddaughter asked me:

Grampa, did Parsley save Rosemary in time?

What other corkers have you heard that proceded from the mouths of your, or others', kids?

Mufasa
(aka Dave of Sandy, Utah, USA)
[I provide low-cost, remote Database Administration services: www.dasages.com]
“Beware of those that seek to protect you from harm or risk. The cost will be your freedoms and your liberty.”

 

[Guest_imported]

That's like the famous line from the Beatles' song Lucy in the sky with diamonds... "The girl with colitis goes by"

Jim Brown,
Tech writer and training consultant,
Johannesburg,
South Africa.
My time is GMT+2

“And Saint Attila raised the hand grenade up on high, saying, "O Lord, bless this thy hand grenade, that with it thou mayst blow thine enemies to tiny bits, in thy mercy." And the Lord did grin. (Chapman, Cleese et al, 1975)

 

[flapeyre]

Or,

My uncle has sick as hell anemia.

(meaning sickle-cell anemia)

-- Francis
I'd like to change the world, but I can't find the source code.

 

[SantaMufasa]

When I taught 5-year-olds in Sunday School, during one particular Christmas season, I asked the children to draw a picture of something that related to that special time of year.

One child drew a picture of the Nativity scene in which I recognized the stable, a stick figure of Mary, Joseph, Baby Jesus (in an "x"-shaped manger), shepherds, and various animals. But a new large, bulbous character, shaped like the "Michelin Man" appeared in the drawing.

Rather than sounding insulting to the child by asking "what's that", I used the phrase that psychologists recommend: "Tell me about your picture."

The child described all of the figures that I recognized, then when she got to the "Michelin Man", she identified him as "Round John Virgin".

Mufasa
(aka Dave of Sandy, Utah, USA)
[I provide low-cost, remote Database Administration services: www.dasages.com]
“Beware of those that seek to protect you from harm or risk. The cost will be your freedoms and your liberty.”

 

[flapeyre]

In Sunday school, a little boy had drawn a biplane showing Jesus (with halo and flowing robes) in the back seat and another figure in the front. The teacher asked him who was up front, and he replied, "That's Pontius, the pilot."

-- Francis
I'd like to change the world, but I can't find the source code.

 

[gbaughma]

I'm going to embarrass myself here...

When I was in the youth group at church, we got to give the Christmas sermon. Everyone had a part.

My part was about the shepherds in the field being "sore afraid" when the angel approached them.

I got up there, and said:

And lo, and angel appeared among the shepherds, and they were scared sore!

((Sigh))


Just my 2¢

"What the captain doesn't realize is that we've secretly replaced his Dilithium Crystals with new Folger's Crystals."

--Greg

http://parallel.tzo.com

 

[BadBigBen]

Found these:

Good Advice About Love:

* "Spend most of your time loving instead of going to work." -- Dick, age 7

* "Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough." -- Lynnette, age 8

* "Tell your wife that she looks pretty even if she looks like a truck!" -- Ricky, age 7

* "Be a good kisser. It might make your wife forget that you never take out the trash." -- Erin, age 8

---------------------------------------------------------------
and these had me laughing:

Little Johnny and his family were having Sunday dinner at his Grandmother’s house Everyone was seated around the table as the food was being served. When little Johnny received his plate, he started eating right away.

“Johnny wait until we say our prayer.” “I don’t have to,” The boy replied.

“Of course, you do,” his mother insisted. “We say a prayer, before eating, at our house.”

“That’s our house,” Johnny explained. “But this is Grandma’s house and she knows how to cook!

---------------------------------------------------------------

Kelli, was 3, she and her brother Cody, would say their nightly prayers, together. As most children do, they have to bless every family member, every friend, and every animal (current and past).

For several weeks, after we had finished the nightly prayer, Kelli would say, “And all girls.”

As this soon became part of her nightly routine, to include this at the end, my curiosity got the best of me and I asked her, “Kelli, why do you always add the part about all girls?”

Her response, “Because we always finish our prayers by saying ‘All Men’!”

Ben
"If it works don't fix it! If it doesn't use a sledgehammer..."
How to ask a question, when posting them to a professional forum.
Only ask questions with yes/no answers if you want "yes" or "no"

 

[hjgoldstein]

What about the 8 year-old who came home from school and told her mum that they had had their first sex-education session that day.

"Boys have a penis and girls have a fat china.

 

[Welshbird]

We did a nativity play at school, and my friend Jason was given the part of the Innkeeper as he was quite big and gruff.

When Joseph asked if he had a room, he said 'No'. Then Joseph improvised with 'But my wife is having a baby!'

Jason responded with 'OK then, you can have my room.'

Fee

"The cure for anything is salt water – sweat, tears, or the sea." Isak Dinesen

 

[SantaMufasa]

...they had had their first sex-education session that day

Reminds me of when our then-7-year-old came home from school and announced:

Daughter: "Today, my teacher taught us how to make babies."


I (with a bit of trepidation): "Oh really? So how do you make babies?"

Daughter: "It's easy...just drop the 'y' and add 'ies'."

Mufasa
(aka Dave of Sandy, Utah, USA)
[I provide low-cost, remote Database Administration services: www.dasages.com]
“Beware of those that seek to protect you from harm or risk. The cost will be your freedoms and your liberty.”

 

[p5wizard]

Fee,

Just make sure Jason NEVER EVER time-travels back to 1 AD. I don't want to even think of what may (or may not) happen... ;-)

p5

 

[Gooser]

My niece, (at about age 3,) sobbing, said to my sister, "You hurt my teeth." My sister after pressing her and repeatedly getting the same answer, eventually she asked her to say it another way.
"You really hurt my fillings!" she finally exclaimed.

--Gooser

 

[GSCaupling]

An encounter between a good friend recently and his 11 year old daughter:

Daughter (singing): "La la la la la"

Friend: "You seem to be in a very good mood."

Daughter: "Not really. I just do that to fool the man.


GS

[Green]******^*******
[small]I[/small] [small]Hate[/small] [♥] [small]Ambiguity.[/small][/green]

 

[ChrisHunt]

I don't remember this, but my mother tells the story...

We were visiting a family friend for dinner whose culinary skills were notably below par. Having emptied his plate, my brother asked for more.

"Really?" asked our friend, nobody ever asked for seconds of her cooking. Whereupon I piped up with

Well you know Martin, Auntie S, he'll eat absolutely anything

-- Chris Hunt
Webmaster & Tragedian
Extra Connections Ltd

 

[SQLSister]

Here's one of my favs (but it's the adult that's funnier than the child)

My deceased boyfriend's brother's stepdaughter has a little boy who is very smart. And he's very interested in plants. This happened when he was about 4 or 5 years old.

They were sitting in a doctor's office that had a small tree in a planter and he was examining it. A lady he didn't know came up and in that sort of patronizing tone some adults use with children starting asking him questions about the pretty tree. Well nobody likes to be patronized. Eventually she said something wrong about the tree and he corrected her with:
"That's deciduous tree."
Stunned at the big word from the little boy (and wanting to appear smart) she said:
"Wow you sure know about plants, I bet you want to be a planetarium when you grow up."

"NOTHING is more important in a database than integrity." ESquared

 

[kjv1611]

...I bet you want to be a planetarium when you grow up.

Now THAT is funny.

--

"If to err is human, then I must be some kind of human!" -Me

 

[blister911]

A while back I was teaching my two boys, ages 4 and 7, how to play cards. It's a good way for the youngest to recognize numbers and the older to learn counting. Anyway, the youngest lost interest in the game and decided to quit. The oldest boy and I were trying to convince the younger one to finish the game when my wife walked in...

Wife: "Nobody is going to want to play with you if you always quit."
4yr-old: "I don't care."
Wife: "Well, your dad and I don't quit."
7yr-old: "No, mom, you quit all the time."

The wife and I looked at each other with puzzled expresstions.

Wife: "What have I quit?"
7yr-old: "Every one of your diets."

I burst out laughing and the wife turned and walked back out of the room.



Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

 

[BadBigBen]

blister911 - too funny....

SQLSister - LOL... that should make it to another thread, out of the mouths of (stupid) adults...

Ben
"If it works don't fix it! If it doesn't use a sledgehammer..."
How to ask a question, when posting them to a professional forum.
Only ask questions with yes/no answers if you want "yes" or "no"

 

[GwydionM]

Mis-heard lyrics are a category of their own, each is known as a Mondegreen. Google for it.

On children's errors, I heard two about Christmas. One was "a very happy Father Christmas,Father Christmas". And a small boy referred to Farmer Christmas.

------------------------------
An old man who lives in the UK

 

[p5wizard]

blister911, thanks for sharing this hilarious episode of your married life with us... And now that this story is all over the web, how long do you intend to stay married? ;-)

p5

 

[blister911]

P5,
We'll have to see. lol



Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.