New KitKat! 4

[Toshilap]

I felt sudden urge for sweets. I saw New Kit-Kat in veding machine.I grabbed it and while eating it - reading the lable...
New KitKAt!
EXTRA CRISPY Twice the CRISp!*
* as regular KitKat

I am laughing now, do you?

 

[tgreer]

Cox Communications (a cable provider) is running a TV spot, advertising job opportunities. The narrator describes COX as offering jobs that "embrace and preserve the future and its possibilities."

How exactly does one "preserve... future possibilities"?

In fact, I always thought that the "present" was a process that winnowed future possibilities, converting one of them to the actuality of the past. The only way to "preserve" future possibilities is to do nothing, to stop time. That sounds like an awfully boring job!!



Thomas D. Greer

http://www.tgreer.com

 

[Trevoke]

Must be one of those silly legal notices.

I AM GOING TO SUE YOU BECAUSE (hey, my caps lock key!) your new KitKat does not have twice the crisp of my usual candy, which is C4. When you bite down on C4, you get a nice crisp feeling in your mouth, and the new KitKat is weak compared to that.

-Haben sie fosforos?
-No tiengo caballero, but I have un briquet.

 

[LFI]

Thomas,

You preserve future possibilities by not doing ANYTHING, thereby leaving EVERYTHING in the realm of 'possibility'. Once something is realized, it's done!

--Dave


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
O Time, Strength, Cash, and Patience!

 

[tgreer]

Dave,

Yes, exactly my point. They are advertising a position that apparently REQUIRES one to do ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.



Thomas D. Greer

http://www.tgreer.com

 

[elanor]

Where do I sign up?
Thanks!
Elanor

 

[LFI]

Well count me in!


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
O Time, Strength, Cash, and Patience!

 

[elanor]

And how much does it pay?
I know I get paid absolutely nothing for doing an incredible amount of work, so, if I can balance it by being paid an incredible amount to do absolutely nothing, I'll be thrilled!
Thanks!
Elanor

 

[tgreer]

It would explain a lot. I have them as my provider. When the services goes out, and I call to report an outage, they may or may not do anything about it, for an indeterminate amount of time. They must be embracing and preserving those future possibilities.

In re: the silly KitKat disclaimer, that could spawn an entire thread. In fact, let's start two:

Strange and Amusing Legal Disclaimers
- KitKat
- various "do not incinerate" warnings

Strange and Amusing Advertising Snafus
- COX
- Dasani "Treat Yourself Well. Everyday."



Thomas D. Greer

http://www.tgreer.com

 

[LFI]

Spaulding [Groucho]: What do you fellas get an hour?
Ravelli [Chico]: For playing, we get-a ten dollars an hour.
Spaulding: I see. What do you get for not playing?
Ravelli: Twelve dollars an hour.
Spaulding: Well, clip me off a piece of that.
Ravelli: Now for rehearsing, we make special rate. That's-a fifteen dollars an hour...That's-a for rehearsing.
Spaulding: And what do you get for not rehearsing?
Ravelli: You couldn't afford it. You see, if we don't rehearse, we a-don't play, and if we don't play (he snaps his finger) - that runs into money.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
O Time, Strength, Cash, and Patience!

 

[Toshilap]

Thiking further about KitKAt...

How * used normally? Example:

We walked by Thmoorahga* and laughe and laughed and laughed
_________________________________
*Thmoorahga - river in Thmooran

KitKat adv
EXTRA CRISPY Twice the CRISp!*
________________________
*as regular KitKat

Doesn't it mean 'It is just like regular KitKat, we lied to sell'? Isn't it exactly what it means?
I think KitKat people preserved future possibilities of me buying another KitKat.

 

[tgreer]

Presumably, the new 2x-crispy KitKat is now the de fact "regular" KitKat, unless they plan on producing both varieties. The label/disclaimer, then is a paradox. The KitKat is twice as crispy as... itself. Which means it is also 1/2 as crispy as itself. The crispiness both increases and decreases towards zero and infinity, respectively, exponentially. Talk about preserving future possibilities!

In fact, to be correct, the label should read:

EXTRA CRISPY Twice the CRISP!*
* as KitKats without this label.

or, just to be completely safe:

EXTRA CRISPY Twice the CRISP!*
* as anything 1/2 as crisp as this**.
**the EXTRA CRISPY KitKat.






Thomas D. Greer

http://www.tgreer.com

 

[ad602000]

but if you preserve the future by doing nothing, then you have actually done something. So they want you to do something which is actually nothing. Having said that, if current or present events mould or shape the future,then by doing nothing will the future have changed.

 

[Trevoke]

tgreer : your provider is Schrodinger's cat? You don't know whether they've fixed it or not until you check up on them, or something?

-Haben sie fosforos?
-No tiengo caballero, but I have un briquet.

 

[tgreer]

Yes, they are a Quantum Cable Provider. They provide no meaningful service when I'm not online. In fact, to even ask if the "system" is "working" when not being directly observed is a meaningless question. At the time that I use the service, the universe makes the decision as the whether or not the service is in effect. Until exactly that moment, all future possibilities are preserved. If it isn't working, it is meaningless to call them and ask them to check into it, since when I do, at that moment, I'm not using (or attempting to use) the system, so my request for service is meaningless. They really have no idea what I'm talking about. Often, in fact, they observe the system, and that act of observation makes the system work, for them. I go check, and of course it doesn't work, for me. In fact, at any given moment the system has as much chance of being twice as crispy as a regular KitKat as it does of working.

Thomas D. Greer

http://www.tgreer.com

 

[AnotherHiggins]

"If you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice."
[tab]-Neil Peart (hey, I was in high school once)

[tt]_____
[blue]-John[/blue][/tt]

Help us help you. Please read FAQ181-2886 before posting.

 

[donbott]

I think we should salute the person who figured out how to get rid of a warehouse full of stale KitKat's.

Don Bott

 

[tsdragon]

Speaking of which, why is it that when bread goes stale it gets hard, but when potato chips go stale they get soggy?


Tracy Dryden

Meddle not in the affairs of dragons,
For you are crunchy, and good with mustard.

 

[snuv]

I think that bread goes drys out and goes hard but the crisps (chips) go soft because all the salt causes them to absorb water and thus go soggy

"If it could have gone wrong earlier and it didn't, it ultimately would have been beneficial for it to have." : Murphy's Ultimate Corollary

 

[GlenJohnson]

And the tusks are looser in Tuskaloosa

And just where is this post going?


Glen A. Johnson
If you're a kid at heart, check out Tek-Tips Disney
"We are inclined to believe those whom we do not know because they have never deceived us."
Samuel Johnson (1709-1784); English author, critic, & lexicographer.