Moving

[djj55]

Looking at the newspaper, I saw the headline "Moving Monument..." and my first thought was it traveled from town to town. What it meant was that it the monument was a moving experience.

I get so confused by American English.

djj
The Lord is my shepherd (Psalm 23) - I need someone to lead me!

 

[SantaMufasa]

Although American English is confusing, it often is the writer or editor that can either cause confusion or cause people to just say, "Duh !":

Utah Poison Control Center Reminds Everyone Not to Take Poison

Federal Agents Raid Tulsa Gunshop -- Find Weapons

Mufasa
(aka Dave of Sandy, Utah, USA)
“People may forget what you say, but they will never forget how you made them feel.

 

[SkipVought]

Moving a monument, may or may not be a monumental task.

Skip,
[sub]
Just traded in my old subtlety...
for a NUANCE![/sub]

 

[BadBigBen]

Astronomy:
Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?

UK Police at it's best:
Enfield (London) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide

What did he eat:
Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft

What a waste:
Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead

Gotta stop drinking that stuff:
Milk Drinkers are Turning to Powder

Now we need to find out how to get them to work longer:
Miners Refuse to Work after Death

Zoology (amazes me, more and more):
Panda Mating Fails - Veterinarian Takes Over




sometimes the stories itself are way funnier than the headlines:

from the Richmond Times-Dispatch concerning a dump-truck driver who "dropped more than 59,000 pounds of processed human excrement on Interstate 295" and was charged with "failure to contain his load."

Ben
"If it works don't fix it! If it doesn't use a sledgehammer..."
How to ask a question, when posting them to a professional forum.
Only ask questions with yes/no answers if you want "yes" or "no"

 

[SantaMufasa]

Perhaps the most mindless news posting I ever saw was during my visit to London, England, in 1999. During that time, police were investigating the murder of London newswoman, Jill Dando. A photo of Ms. Dando leaving her London flat appeared on the front page of a London paper with the caption:

Ms. Dando leaving her London flat. Police did not disclose whether the photo was taken before, or after, her murder.

Mufasa
(aka Dave of Sandy, Utah, USA)
“People may forget what you say, but they will never forget how you made them feel.

 

[Welshbird]

Santa - We love the way the British Press is a bit daft.

Actual Quotes from British Papers:
BRITISH NEWSPAPERS
Commenting on a complaint from a Mr. Arthur Purdey about a large gas bill, a spokesman for North West Gas said, 'We agree it was rather high for the time of year. It's possible Mr. Purdey has been charged for the gas used up during the explosion that destroyed his house.'
(The Daily Telegraph)

Police reveal that a woman arrested for shoplifting had a whole salami in her underwear. When asked why, she said it was because she was missing her Italian boyfriend.
(The Manchester Evening News)

Irish police are being handicapped in a search for a stolen van, because they cannot issue a description. It's a Special Branch vehicle and they don't want the public to know what it looks like.
(The Guardian)

A young girl who was blown out to sea on a set of inflatable teeth was rescued by a man on an inflatable lobster. A coast guard spokesman commented, 'This sort of thing is all too common'.
(The Times)

At the height of the gale, the harbourmaster radioed a coast guard and asked him to estimate the wind speed. He replied he was sorry, but he didn't have a gauge. However, if it was any help, the wind had just blown his Land Rover off the cliff.
( Aberdeen Evening Express)

Mrs. Irene Graham of Thorpe Avenue , Boscombe, delighted the audience with her reminiscence of the German prisoner of war who was sent each week to do her garden. He was repatriated at the end of 1945, she recalled -
'He'd always seemed a nice friendly chap, but when the crocuses came up in the middle of our lawn in February 1946, they spelt out 'Heil Hitler.''
( Bournemouth Evening Echo)


Fee

"The cure for anything is salt water – sweat, tears, or the sea." Isak Dinesen

 

[Welshbird]

And on a similar note: actual announcements made by London Tube Drivers to the passengers:

1) 'Ladies and Gentlemen, I do apologize for the delay to your service. I know you're all dying to get home, unless, of course, you happen to be married to my ex-wife, in which case you'll want to cross over to the Westbound and go in the opposite direction.'

2) 'Your delay this evening is caused by the line controller suffering from E & B syndrome: not knowing his elbow from his backside. I'll let you know any further information as soon as I'm given any.'

3) 'Do you want the good news first or the bad news? The good news is that last Friday was my birthday and I hit the town and had a great time. The bad news is that there is a points failure somewhere between Stratford and East Ham, which means we probably won't reach our destination.'

4) 'Ladies and gentlemen, we apologize for the delay, but there is a security alert at Victoria station and we are therefore stuck here for the foreseeable future, so let's take our minds off it and pass some time together. All together now.... 'Ten green bottles, hanging on a wall.....'.'

5) 'We are now travelling through Baker Street ... As you can see, Baker Street is closed. It would have been nice if they had actually told me, so I could tell you earlier, but no, they don't think about things like that'.

6) 'Beggars are operating on this train. Please do NOT encourage these professional beggars. If you have any spare change, please give it to a registered charity. Failing that, give it to me.'

7) During an extremely hot rush hour on the Central Line, the driver announced in a West Indian drawl: 'Step right this way for the sauna, ladies and gentleman... Unfortunately, towels are not provided.'

8) 'Let the passengers off the train FIRST!' (Pause ) 'Oh go on then, stuff yourselves in like sardines, see if I care - I'm going home....'

9) 'Please allow the doors to close. Try not to confuse this with 'Please hold the doors open.' The two are distinct and separate instructions.'

10) 'Please note that the beeping noise coming from the doors means that the doors are about to close. It does not mean throw yourself or your bags into the doors.'

11) 'We can't move off because some idiot has their hand stuck in the door.'

12) 'To the gentleman wearing the long grey coat trying to get on the second carriage -- what part of 'stand clear of the doors' don't you understand?'

13) 'Please move all baggage away from the doors.' (Pause..) 'Please move ALL belongings away from the doors.' (Pause...) 'This is a personal message to the man in the brown suit wearing glasses at the rear of the train: Put the pie down, Four-eyes, and move your bloody golf clubs away from the door before I come down there and shove them up your ar** sideways!'

14) 'May I remind all passengers that there is strictly no smoking allowed on any part of the Underground. However, if you are smoking a joint, it's only fair that you pass it round the rest of the carriage


Fee

"The cure for anything is salt water – sweat, tears, or the sea." Isak Dinesen

 

[N1GHTEYES]

Famous war-time headline:

"German's push bottles up British rear".

Apostrophe optional.

I'm really not sure if this is apocryphal or not...

Tony

 

[KenCunningham]

The s too.

The internet - allowing those who don't know what they're talking about to have their say.

 

[flapeyre]

Republicans Turned Off By Size of Obama's Package
(referring to the budget)

In a similar vein:

Reagan Wins On Budget, but More Lies Ahead

-- Francis
The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning, and does not stop until you get to the office.
--Robert Frost

 

[djj55]

This thread started as a misunderstanding of a word as it has two meanings and has turned into "strange" use of words.


djj
The Lord is my shepherd (Psalm 23) - I need someone to lead me!

 

[sleipnir214]

I spend some time in Huntsville, Texas, where Sam Houston lived out the end of his life. (Sam Houston being the namesake of Houston, Texas, former president of the Republic of Texas and former governor of the state of Texas).

Sam Houston is buried in Huntsville, and the road-sign that directs people to his burial site reads, "SAM HOUSTON GRAVE".

I keep saying that one of these days I'm going to attach to the same post signs that read, "SAM HOUSTON PENSIVE" and "SAM HOUSTON HAPPY"


Want to ask the best questions? Read Eric S. Raymond's essay "How To Ask Questions The Smart Way". TANSTAAFL!

 

[djj55]

Took a minute but I see.

djj
The Lord is my shepherd (Psalm 23) - I need someone to lead me!