Interpreting job ads - joke ;-)

[DoubleV]

"Competitive Salary" = We remain competitive by paying you less than our competition.

"Join our fast-paced company" = We have no time to train you.

"Casual work atmosphere" = We don't pay enough to expect that you will dress up; a couple of the real daring guys wear earrings.

"Some overtime required" = Some every night and some every weekend.

"Duties will vary" = Anyone in the office can boss you around.

"Must have an eye for detail" = We have no quality assurance.

"Career-minded" = Female applicants must be childless (and remain that way).

"Apply in person" = If you're old, fat or ugly you'll be told that the position has been filled.

"Seeking candidates with a wide variety of experience" = You'll need it to replace the three people who just quit.

"Problem-solving skills a must" = You're walking into perpetual chaos.

"Requires team leadership skills" = You'll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the pay or respect.

"Good communication skills" = Management communicates, you listen, figure out what they want and do it.

========================

Any questions?

--------------------------------------------------
Goals are dreams with deadlines
-------------------------------------

http://www.nimlok.com

http://www.orbusinc.com

 

[dwarfthrower]

I was -><- this close to applying for the position mentioned here:

http://www.jimohalloran.com/archives/000232.html

[sub]Never be afraid to share your dreams with the world.
There's nothing the world loves more than the taste of really sweet dreams.[/sub]

 

[DonQuichote]

You lucky one! In my experience, it is:

&quot;Good communication skills&quot; = Management does not communicate, you must still figure out what they want and do it, AND get punished for &quot;not communicating&quot; when you did it wrong.


Best regards

 

[Chance1234]

&quot;Must have an eye for detail&quot; = We have no quality assurance.

also

&quot;Must have an eye for detail&quot; = as we have no idea what we are doing .

Filmmaker, gentlemen and proffesional drinker

http://public.fotki.com/chance1234/

 

[MrGreed]

&quot;Join our fast-paced company&quot;

OR

&quot;Must be able to learn new technologies quickly&quot;

=

&quot;We have no time to train you&quot;

MrGreed

http://www.pastame.com

&quot;did you just say Minkey?, yes that's what I said.&quot;

 

[rosieb]

And in my current job description:

The post holder will be expected to use their initiative in the day to day management of the projects. = Get on with it.

The efficient and effective day to day organisation and management of the workload will be the responsibility of the post holder. = Get on with it. (Oh yes, It's your responsibility when things go wrong.)

Such other duties as may be considered necessary to achieve the objectives of the department. = Crawling under desks, fetching doughnuts, carrying heavy items (when my, more fragile, male colleagues, have a bad back) etc. etc....

 

[BJCooperIT]

&quot;Opportunity for advancement&quot; - management is jumping ship

[sup]Beware of false knowledge; it is more dangerous than ignorance.[/sup][sup] ~George Bernard Shaw[/sup]
Consultant/Custom Forms & PL/SQL - Oracle 8.1.7 - Windows 2000

 

[dwarfthrower]

Own transport required = &quot;4 hour commute&quot;

[sub]Never be afraid to share your dreams with the world.
There's nothing the world loves more than the taste of really sweet dreams.[/sub]

 

[BruceReed]

&quot;Must be a self-starter&quot; = &quot;we have no idea what we want you to do,once hired&quot;

Bruce