I have no hope 1

[nicholasharris]

I have no hope. I have been in this career for 15 years. I am still swapping tapes and doing intern-level work. I make a salary about the mid $40,000 range.

I have a 135 IQ. I scored a 790 on the SAT in math. I had a lot of hope for this career. I have none now and don't believe that I will ever do what I am capable of doing. My brains have been wasted, and I don't believe that they will ever be utilized.

I was optimistic when I got into this. I had high hopes. I worked hard and cared about my success.

I don't care anymore. I don't want to touch a computer anymore.

I am desperately searching for some way out of this drudgery. Assuming I make the choice to stay alive, what options do I have? And why should I stay alive?

 

[strongm]

Erm ... one suspects that there might have been a heavy dollop of irony in nicholasharris last comment.

 

[hjgoldstein]

Quite so. I should have realised that right away.
The fact remains that our correspondent is a very unhappy person in their professional life.
My opinion remains that only a change of job/career will stand a chance of helping to solve the problems which exist.

Aspiring to mediocrity since 1957

 

[johnherman]

Agreed. We've tried, but although we're professionals, we are not professionals in every field. This is outside our realm of expertise. imho, as long as nicholasharris is without hope, he is beyond help.

====================================
The reasonable man adapts himself to the world. The unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore all progress depends on the unreasonable man. - George Bernard Shaw

 

[tcsbiz]

I have been kind of following this thread. I was going to chime in earlier but others have covered what I was going to say.
It seems that there are two possibilities.

1. The OP is pulling everyone's leg and is stringing it along.
2. The OP is in dire need of professional help and perhaps medication to control depression, mood swings, OCD, or whatever may be the problem.

I can't tell which one it is. Either way, I don't think any advice given here will help.

My $.02 (and believe me, that's all it's worth).

 

[carp]

I think the supreme irony is that the OP would come to a forum filled with "misanthropes" to discuss his issues. I agree with tcbiz's two alternatives. Either way, the necessary help is not likely to be found here.

 

[nicholasharris]

Actually I already knew about Wendi Friesen and like her a lot.

I can think of many, many times in my life in which I had high expectations for something; and those expectations did not come true. In many cases, there were unexpected surprises. Life is full of surprises, and most of them are bad.

Did the people on the Asiana Airlines flight say, "We're going to be in a deadly crash today."? How was this a "self-fulfilling prophecy"?

Actually this board has been better than I expected. My expectations couldn't have been lower. It's safer to go into things where you have little or no expectations. If something good happens, I'm pleasantly surprised.

 

[mikrom]

I'm working in IT and training Taekwondo too (it's been about 20 years with some pauses and I'm 2.nd degree Black Belt).

IMHO, you have probably too much time to thing about your life. You have some illusions and dreams that were not fullfilled and that makes you very unhappy. Illusions are bad and makes you sick. Don't waste your mind and time with illusions and dreaming. Do not thing about what was so good yesterday and what could be so wrong tomorrow. Yesterday is gone for ever and maybe tomorrow will never come. So live fully now - do the things right now:
* Do not be weak, but hard on yourself. Think about this: "What does not kill me, makes me stronger. (Friedrich Nietzsche)"
* Train harder taekwondo in your dojang - it helps you get rid of morbid ideas
* Find some hobbies you can engage
* Search for a new job

Reading some motivating literature may help you - for example:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Who_Moved_My_Cheese?

http://www.amazon.com/Secret-Power-...=sr_1_3?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1373755260&sr=1-3

Do not be so naive to believe that somebody helps you, you must make the effort to help yourself.

 

[montyzummer]

To the OP , something that has not been picked up on but was in one of your first posts , "i can actually meet women there" , is that one of the things that is making you truly unhappy the fact you are not in a relationship ? I ask because you seem to have all this other stuff going on and I keep reverting back to that in my mind , you have lots going for you that a lot of people do not.

Is this making the whole work thing become amplified ?? just a thought.

APSS (SME)
ACSS (SME)
ACIS (UC)

 

[nicholasharris]

IMHO, you have probably too much time to think about your life. You have some illusions and dreams that were not fulfilled and that makes you very unhappy. Illusions are bad and make you sick. Don't waste your mind and time with illusions and dreaming. Do not think about what was so good yesterday and what could be so wrong tomorrow.

Actually I can't think of very many good times.

Search for a new job

Are you serious???????? Job hunting is--without a doubt--the most depressing activity a person can do. And I don't see how or why any job would be better than this one. I certainly have better things to do than go through a bunch of failed job interviews. I already have enough of those.

Actually there is one thing more depressing than job hunting--I could talk to my family.

It also seems quite obvious that you haven't read my posts. I take acting classes. I am writing a novel. I work out at Gold's Gym three days a week.

 

[nicholasharris]

something that has not been picked up on but was in one of your first posts , "i can actually meet women there" , is that one of the things that is making you truly unhappy the fact you are not in a relationship?

Yes, it is. It has for a long time. I realize that some people think that desiring a relationship is a horrible thing. But there also seems to be a consensus that we need love in our lives.

And you certainly can't look for this anywhere else. Opportunities for meeting quality women are very rare. You certainly can't do it at work, even though there are many great women in my workplace.

{quote]I ask because you seem to have all this other stuff going on and I keep reverting back to that in my mind , you have lots going for you that a lot of people do not.[/quote]

Thank you. What gave you that impression?

One thing that has been interesting about my novel writing is that I have gotten more help and encouragement there in about 15 months than I ever have in about 15 years in IT. When I talk about my novel, I get the vibe that people actually want to see me succeed. I certainly can't say that for my godforsaken technical career.

When has anyone ever helped me find or get a good job? Never. And I have made the effort to help plenty of people find jobs. It would be nice just to get equal for equal. I have given people contact information. I have passed people's resumes along to people who could actually help them. I have made suggestions.

People actually do read my novel when I ask them. They actually offer feedback. They want to see me succeed.

Telling people that you're job hunting is like telling people that you have cancer or leprosy. Nobody helps you.

 

[mikrom]

I take acting classes. I am writing a novel. I work out at Gold's Gym three days a week.

Then you have more hobbies like someone else...

I currently only train two 1,5 hour evenings a week Taekwondo and do 2 hours jogging at the weekends. That's only 5 hours in a week. The rest of my time I have to spend with my wife and children.

I don't see then a reason, why should you be unhappy.

 

[KornGeek]

Just to throw this thought out there, one of the big differences between referring somebody for a job compared to offering feedback on a novel is that when you refer someone, you are putting yourself on the line. If the person gets hired and then doesn't work out, it can be seen as a reflection on the referrer. Can you think of any reason why people you know might not want to put their reputations on the line to refer you?

I can honestly say that I've had one person I considered a mentor. That was in 1999. That company is out of business. I'm sad to say that I've not seen him in many years.

Mentors are very rare in IT.

I also had one mentor in the IT industry. (Coincidentally, it was also in the late '90s.) The way I found this mentor was that I was involved in Boy Scouts as a teenager (and later volunteered as a young adult), and he was one of the adult leaders. When an internship opened up at his company, he got me my first IT job.

A later job that I took was a referral from one of my brother's roommates. He worked as an accountant for a small company that was looking for a programmer. I ended up working there for several years.

From my experience, the best leads that I made were people that I knew socially. I would suggest continue with your acting and martial arts (I have a close-knit group of friends from my martial arts gym) and make friends. Close friends are the people who are more likely to stick their necks out to refer you.

Another thing that worked for me was working through a temp agency. I made their clients happy, and the temp agency in return was more willing to help me find long-term employment that met my needs. Again, they were putting their reputation on the line, so I started by showing them that I could deliver.

As far as meeting people romantically, have you tried any of the online services? There are free dating services that actually work pretty well for some people, including me. I messaged many women online, talked on the phone with several, met a few in person, and ended up in a long-term relationship with one. There are no guarantees, but by taking chances, you increase your odds.

 

[nicholasharris]

Another thing that worked for me was working through a temp agency. I made their clients happy, and the temp agency in return was more willing to help me find long-term employment that met my needs.

I've been in this godforsaken career for 15 years. Do you really believe that I haven't considered this?

I got two contracts at Dell through two different temp agencies. I was abandoned by both agencies after the contracts reached their term. Both ended because of Dell's limit of 1,450 hours. As far as I know, they got good feedback on me. In spite of this, I was still abandoned. This is even though Dell actually brought me back for a second contract and had me working with some of the same people.

All three jobs were basically go-for work. They were intern-level work. They would be just fine for me TEN YEARS AGO. I get jobs--I don't get experience.

I even turned one short-term job in 2007. It was a job that involved moving computers from one building to another. I told them that I was above opening boxes. I wanted to do real IT work. I had been in the industry nine years at the time.

As far as meeting people romantically, have you tried any of the online services? There are free dating services that actually work pretty well for some people, including me. I messaged many women online, talked on the phone with several, met a few in person, and ended up in a long-term relationship with one. There are no guarantees, but by taking chances, you increase your odds.

I went on-line as early as 1998. I got burned out in about two years because it was horrible. Your suggestions are long on vagueness and short on specifics. If these web sites are freaking great, why don't you specify and identify them?

 

[KornGeek]

I was hesitant on endorsing particular sites, because I didn't want to appear as spam, but since you requested, I thought plentyoffish.com was pretty good, and I thought okcupid.com was the best dating site out there. Even though it's free, I felt it was better than any of the pay sites. I met my fiancee through that site.

The biggest specific I could offer you is to change your negative outlook. I understand it's easier said than done, but in most of your posts in this thread (and I can offer specifics there if you need them), you come across as exceedingly negative if not hostile. If this is the way you behave in your interpersonal relationships, it could be a reason why people are choosing not to mentor you or aid you in your job hunt.

 

[MikeHalloran]

>>>I was abandoned by both agencies after the contracts reached their term.<<<
You seem to misunderstand how temp agencies work; they are not Hollywood agents; they may be friendly, but they are not your friends. They pay you; you work; everyone is even when the paycheck clears.

>>>I told them that I was above opening boxes.<<<
Opening boxes is honest work.
You were presumably offered a lucrative rate to do so.
A professionall does his best work even when it's not fun. ... because he/she is accepting money to do it.

>>I wanted to do real IT work.<<<
I'd like to know what you think that comprises.
Designing and building enterprise apps?
Designing compilers?
Nobody does that stuff at end user site anymore, if they ever did; it's just too much work, and too much risk, for one person to bear, or for one person to be entrusted with.

I'm sorry if my impression is inaccurate, but here, you sound like a whiny prima donna, who will be tolerated so long as a critical need for your specific skills exists, and will be encouraged to ride off into the sunset at the first opportunity.

Some people nevertheless make a career out of that, accepting that their value is transitory, staying mobile, and letting their banker keep score of how well they're doing.

The other alternative involves some hard self-evaluation and a large attitude adjustment.

 

[carp]

Mike -
You and me both. As soon as somebody says "that work is beneath me", I lose all interest. I've had to clean kennels, deliver papers, and work in cucumber fields/apricot orchards to keep paychecks coming in. If "opening boxes" is "beneath you", you are beneath contempt. Perhaps "Rants & Raves" on Craigslist would be a more appropriate forum for the OP. All I've seen so far are excuses about why things can't possibly work (they can and do), certifications are worthless (they most certainly are not), how IT people are misanthrops (in spite of the IT people here trying to be helpful), and how it's impossible to get anywhere in the IT field (which seems pretty silly on a forum populated by people who are making the IT field work for them).

 

[KornGeek]

When I meet kids who are majoring in stuff like computer science, I tell them to stay the hell away from this.

Out of curiosity, what path in life do you believe would have made you happier? Do you believe there is something about the I.T. industry in particular that has led to your current lack of hope? Or is it the lack of mentors and guidance that very well could have been the same for you regardless of which industry you joined?

Based on your posts, I suspect it may have more to do with your negativity and feelings of elitism rather than the people in this particular industry. After all, your experience is relatively rare compared to what most of us have encountered.

 

[KE407122]

Lets see. I have 30 years in the industry. Outside of it, since May I've had a recently retired coworker die from cancer, a family friend die three months after a diagnosis of ALS. Two weeks ago, a master teacher in history who directed me in five theatre productions and a 12:10 this morning was in the hospital saying goodbye to a dear friend when he died. A month ago he was asking to borrow my tent for a canoe trip.

Like most people who reify or should I say, deify their IQ; I've met members of mensa that I wouldn't trust with a burnt out match. I don't have much sympathy. If you're that intelligent you should know we are more than our work and if your not getting out of life what you think you should, consider you can only take out what you put in.

Telecom was not my chosen field or career. I was a professional actor at 20. I miss it dearly but this career has been a good mix of physical and mental work, and provided a moderate living. I've had no more setbacks, disapointment and joy than that of anyone else and am proud, that at 52, I'm not embittered and cynical and have not lost a childlike sense of wonder.

You need a care counsellor not a technician.



KE407122

"The phone was working fine before it knocked over my coffee.

 

[nicholasharris]

Out of curiosity, what path in life do you believe would have made you happier? Do you believe there is something about the I.T. industry in particular that has led to your current lack of hope?

It generally has horrible leadership. I don't have any dislike for the work itself.

My best work experiences have been working under middle-aged women. My theory on this is: middle-aged women have been around long enough that they recognize honest people who work hard. They recognize the schmoozers for what they are. They judge workers on how they do the job. They see right through the fakes.

The other thing is that women do expect you to work hard when you are there. However, they do not expect you to be there all the time.

Or is it the lack of mentors and guidance that very well could have been the same for you regardless of which industry you joined?

There are definitely mentors in other industries. I often find myself missing the hotel business. In the hotel business, you are judged by your willingness to work.

I'm glad I posted this commentary here. What I've seen has made me focus more on my novel so I can get out of this.

 

[KE407122]

Dysphoria - the generalized anxiety and depression one feels when your creative output is blocked, either from within or without.
At least, if it was Bipolar you can get medical compensation...You'll have to work on that manic a bit more. Detailing and blaming get pretty good marks too.

Believe me, I'm a frustrated actor but the dysphoria was at it's worst when I was between acting jobs. I didn't just have myself to think of. I had a wife and two small boys. Reconcilling the artistic and the prosaic isn't that important when you're hungry, children are sick and the rent is due. Besides, I didn't want to spend 90% of my working life as a server and call myself an actor. Surpising thing in life that wasn't bad, I built a career from a set of channel locks, side-cutters, needle nose pliers, linesman pliers a few screw drivers, scissors and knife.


What will you do?

When the rejection notices start coming from the publisher's as they often do for first-time contributors. (See Job Search - a Job search consists of 200 NO's and 1 Yes.)
When you hit a wall between belt gradings that confound any progress on the kata.
When it's 3.00 am, the screen is blank and the publisher needs another 10,000 words by 9:00 am tomorrow or they'll demand the advance back.

Is it?
a) Blame the reader.
b) Blame the sensei.
c) Blame the publisher.
d) All of the above.

So far, your're answers have all been d).










KE407122

"The phone was working fine before it knocked over my coffee.