Humorous Aside 2

[MasterRacker]

I will soon be spending some time developing a demonstration website to use as a test-out for a HTML class. The site will be an intranet for a fictitious company. My former employer had a number of Mission, Vision, etc. statements. I've modifed them a little and come up with a couple of my own as rought drafts. I figured I'd throw them out here for a little fun and input to make them as serious sounding but nonsensical as possible. Here's the initial draft:
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Mission Statement
XXX. Inc. will be a fast growing company, exceeding customer expectations by demonstrating a superior ability to lower their expectations while conducting business with the highest degree of integrity. Success will be measured by the amount of money in the owners bank account.

Vision Statement
The vision for our future is a strong, solid, well managed, fast growing, exciting, innovative, energized company with
high business ethics and an excellent reputation that can exponentially expand the owners bank account.

Business Concept
XXX, Inc. will exceed the needs of customers seeking technology-based performance improvement through the development of products that enhance productivity, quality, and/or improve the environment, in a way that increases the size of the owners bank account.

Strategic Intent
It is our strategic intent to maximize financial returns by pursuing opportunities that enhance and leverage our existing strengths.

Quality Statement
XXX, Inc. will produce products that exceed customers expectations, while maintaining maximum profit, by minimizing service through designed-in limitations on product life.
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Feel free to suggest more statements also, the more the merrier. ;-)


Jeff
The future is already here - it's just not widely distributed yet...

 

[tkinney]

Thanks to all for the best laugh I've had in a long time! and good luck Jeff a.k.a. MasterRacker on your class, I'm sure they'll be rolling unless there's a CEO or V.P. of something in your crowd. You have my vote for your mission statement!
Tina

 

[Onyxpurr]

TQM itself is not a joke, it's the people who distort it by trying to apply a quick fix.

I worked six years for a company guided by TQM. I loved it. It empowered the workers and made us very competitive in the market. It started by the need to because we worked for Motorola, but eventually turned into a good culture.

I think I was the most focused when I worked at this company. I was involved in a lot of teams and my experience was much better for it. As a matter of fact if I hadn't tried to "exceed customer expectations" in my current life, I wouldn't have the job I have now which was created for me after I went "above and beyond" working as a temp.

Given I've seen some companies that twist and distort these principles, but for companies and individuals (not to be mistaken for in-duh-viduals) working together it really works!

 

[ANFPS26]

"empower"-verb-to brainwash somone into working 12-14 hours a day and paying them for 8 hours.

"pro-active"-adjective-feeling good about working for minimum wage and never complains.

Jim

 

[Zelandakh]

It is the companies intent to double its revenue every 12 months.

You start with zero and never discuss profit.

The company always puts its customers first.

Employees last...

Maximising profits, minimising costs and ensuring quality is never compromised.

Well, this isn't the real world is it?


You writing a book Jeff? "Visions of my new company" or "How to make things look great without actually knowing what to do"...

 

[MasterRacker]

It would be fun to write that kind of book. A few thousand pages of what not to do, all based off real incidents...

A wsie sage once confided "It doesn't have to be good, only look good..."


Jeff
The future is already here - it's just not widely distributed yet...

 

[chiph]

Came across an interesting link the other day:

http://www.fastcompany.com/online/28/ge.html

This General Electric plant that makes jet engines has a defect rate of 1 defect for every 25% engines produced. Sounds pretty bad, until you realize they build 75% of their engines with 0 defects.

Chip H.


If you want to get the best response to a question, please check out FAQ222-2244 first

 

[Onyxpurr]

That's an odd statistic. I mean really wouldn't 1% of 25% mean that, given a percentage on percentage, that 1% of 100% of engines produced have a defect? That means one out of every 100 (or .25 out of every 25).

Am I missing something here? That sounds pretty bad to me. I mean, I only work in insurance but even we set a higher quality standard than that.

 

[chiph]

Ahhh.
It's not a percentage. It's a count. Just 1 thing wrong (and from the article, it's usually very minor) in 1 out of four engines made.

Chip H.


If you want to get the best response to a question, please check out FAQ222-2244 first

 

[Onyxpurr]

I guess it depends on the 1 thing wrong then, huh?

I don't think I'll be doing any flying soon.