Help me find a non-crude alternative

[ESquared]

There is a really funny joke that I admit to having played on a couple people. However, it's more crude than I would like. I'm hoping that people here could help me find something different that has a similar effect.

The joke is to put the following words on a sign (large font on a regular piece of paper does fine) and get someone to take your "reading test" by reading the words out loud:

[ul]I am
sofa king
we Todd did.[/ul]

So, I need plain English words that, when spoken out loud, make the speaker sound as if he is insulting himself.

Since childhood I've known of another similar joke:

[ul]Oh wah tahgu Siam.[/ul]

(introduced with, "would you like to learn to speak Siamese? Okay, repeat after me!") but it just doesn't pack the punch of the other one, not to mention not using other English words.

I am looking forward to your ideas.

 

[gbaughma]

Reminds me of one my dad taught me years ago....


ABCD Puppies?

LMR No Puppies!

SMR! CMPN?



Just my 2¢

"What the captain doesn't realize is that we've secretly exchanged his dilithium crystals for new Folger's Crystals." -- My Sister
--Greg

http://parallel.tzo.com

 

[pinkgecko]

I am
Soul Free King
Wheat Are Dead

 

[Gooser]

I ham toad uh leek raise E!

 

[IknowMe]

Groaner from grade shcool

Say I and spell the word Cup.
I C U P

Wow, I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time.
I think I've forgotten this before.

 

[MallardVHS]

MR Ducks
MR not
MR2
CM Wings?
LIB!
MR Ducks!



yeah, yeah, you know...

[green]Tis far easier to keep your duck in a row if you just have the one.[/green]

 

[ESquared]

DuckTape,

I already said that.

 

[Gooser]

Wait a minute, wouldn't BioDiesel be a non-crude alternative?

Or am I way-off on this one?

How about

Oh, Ewe
Eight Won
Two?

--Gooser

 

[MallardVHS]

ESquared,

I simply and blindly missed your post, Erik.

Sorry.

The above posts just brought about some warm and wonderful memories from the coast, where my older brother once had to explain and ennunciate to my thick head about the whole "MR" thing.

Perhaps "Daft" isn't past-tense after all.

Don

[green]Tis far easier to keep your duck in a row if you just have the one.[/green]

 

[pinkgecko]

Gooser
I can't figure that one out either. Is Soy a milk alternative or is it a non-milk alternative? If something is an alternative to milk, how do you reverse that adjective?

 

[ESquared]

Soy is a non-milk milk alternative!

 

[Gooser]

It seems to have to do with an understood subject.

--Gooser

 

[p5wizard]

OU812... Did you like the taste?

 

[pinkgecko]

So the proper syntax would have been:

"Help me find a crude alternative"?

That doesn't sound right!

 

[ESquared]

Help me find an alternative, one that is non-crude.

Help me find an alternative to crudity.

The adjective/noun difference is enough to disambiguate for this subject, unlike for milk.

 

[pinkgecko]

Learn Chinese in 5 minutes (You MUST read them aloud)

English
Chinese

That's not right
Sum Ting Wong

Are you harboring a fugitive?
Hu Yu Hai Ding

See me ASAP
Kum Hia Nao

Stupid Man
Dum Fuk

Small Horse
Tai Ni Po Ni

Did you go to the beach?
Wai Yu So Tan

I bumped into a coffee table
Ai Bang Mai Fu Kin Ni

I think you need a face lift
Chin Tu Fat

It's very dark in here
Wai So Dim

I thought you were on a diet
Wai Yu Mun Ching

This is a tow away zone
No Pah King

Our meeting is scheduled for next week
Wai Yu Kum Nao

Staying out of sight
Lei Ying Lo

He's cleaning his automobile
Wa Shing Ka

Your body odor is offensive
Yu Stin Ki Pu

Great
Fa Kin Su Pa