Help me find a non-crude alternative

[ESquared]

There is a really funny joke that I admit to having played on a couple people. However, it's more crude than I would like. I'm hoping that people here could help me find something different that has a similar effect.

The joke is to put the following words on a sign (large font on a regular piece of paper does fine) and get someone to take your "reading test" by reading the words out loud:

[ul]I am
sofa king
we Todd did.[/ul]

So, I need plain English words that, when spoken out loud, make the speaker sound as if he is insulting himself.

Since childhood I've known of another similar joke:

[ul]Oh wah tahgu Siam.[/ul]

(introduced with, "would you like to learn to speak Siamese? Okay, repeat after me!") but it just doesn't pack the punch of the other one, not to mention not using other English words.

I am looking forward to your ideas.

 

[MeGustaXL]

How about:

Whale
Oil
Beef
Hooked

Ah, shoot - you don't want rude ones!

Back to the box fer me, then

Chris

When his pin is pulled, Mr Grenade is not our friend - USMC Infantry Manual

 

[MeGustaXL]

Is:

Eye Ham
Thin King
Iced Ink


Too childish?

Chris

When his pin is pulled, Mr Grenade is not our friend - USMC Infantry Manual

 

[ESquared]

No, it's pretty good! Each one sounds like its own phrase, deferring comprehension long enough until the reader has finished speaking out loud and everyone else has laughed.

"sofa king" just sounds so much like a stand-alone concept that it tricks the person into incorrect parsing.

If it was "sofe ukking" it would be much easier to see through.

So I like it a lot.

Any more contributions?

 

[KornGeek]

Not that this helps the objectionable nature of it, but...

we Todd did
is a little too transparent for most people. I've had better results with things like:

wheat odd did
wheat awed head
wheat are dead

Lots of combinations to choose from! "Todd" just seems to jump out and alert people that something's not right.

Apologies to anyone offended by my juvenile humor.

 

[KornGeek]

Oh, I forgot:

wee tar did as another option

 

[ESquared]

ooh, you're right, thanks for the help. Perhaps we can salvage that line in a cleaner version.

 

[KornGeek]

It becomes cleaner, but much less funny, if you simply remove the second line.

 

[rjoubert]

My father once claimed he was teaching me how to speak in some Native American tongue.

O-WAT-A
CHER-KIAM

Not nearly as dirty, but admittedly not nearly as funny.

 

[ESquared]

how about

We tarred Ed!

 

[SamBones]

For the horse lover...

Hoof Hearted

 

[flapeyre]

"... and, it's Hoof Hearted, Hoof Hearted, Hoof Hearted on the outside!"

Tibi gratias agimus quod nihil fumas.

 

[MeGustaXL]

How about just saying the names of these letters out loud:


Y M I F N E R

or

I F P N M

etc, etc, ad infinitum...

(Thanks to Ronnies Barker and Corbett)

Chris

When his pin is pulled, Mr Grenade is not our friend - USMC Infantry Manual

 

[ESquared]

MeGustaXL,

I lose those at the E in the first one and the F in the second one. Maybe I need to say them to someone and have him tell me what I'm saying.

 

[Olaf Doschke]

Hi Esquared, hi MeGustaXL,

only slightly related:

When watching a hollywood movie, in which the L.A.P.D. has a police car in it or so, I think about L.A.P.D.ANCE, which takes out the thrill of any thriller.

Bye, Olaf.

 

[ascotta]

FUNEX

9

VFMNX

One I learned was (my Dad the old scally)

AH WAH TA NA SIAM

And again from the two Ronnies (which must be one of the funniest sketches ever


O's

[blue] A perspective from the other side!![/blue]

Cheers
Scott

 

[ESquared]

and the MR Ducks, MR not ducks, OSAR CDEDBD Wangs? O MR Ducks. Or whatever.

Focus, pocus.

 

[MeGustaXL]

E[sup]2[/sup]:

Why em I Effen' Eeyar?

I ef pee en 'em!

Does that help?

Chris

When his pin is pulled, Mr Grenade is not our friend - USMC Infantry Manual

 

[ESquared]

I think I enunciate too clearly with too distinct spaces between the letters. It just sounds like I am saying the letters.

 

[Welshbird]

I'll be leaving this thread then... lorst me long ago...

**la**

Fee

The question should be [red]Is it worth trying to do?[/red] not [blue] Can it be done?[/blue]