Feeling insecure in my position

[Jacque]

I'm the only report developer in my company and have been the only report dev for 3 years although that hasn't always been how my talents have been used. When I finally was allowed to do report development, I was given a tool to use that I had never used before, only to discover that the tool wasn't a mature development tool - it was cheap which was why it was purchased, although I know that I'm good at what I do, working with a immature tool I'm trying to learn and develop in makes for a slow development process. Add to that there are typically limited requirements, no requirements or no specs that come with the report requests and lots of scope creep. Although I've published some amazingly complex reports with unique features that they wished for, it's been a slow process and to management it's taking too long.

Some background on my company, communication is definitely not a strong suit here so I watch calendars and have seen management and executive staff talking to report devs or people recommending report devs. Besides being poor at communication, the executives are misogynistic, in fact we have lost approximately 50% of the woman in my division in just the last 2 years.

I was told, in an offhand comment a few months ago, by the president of the company that they've tried to find someone who does what I do but they haven't had any luck - Wow, nice to know that they are either trying to add new people to the team or that I'm being replaced. I honestly don't even think he realized that he said it or how it came across. My manager keeps saying that we need more people on the team but that he needs to justify it to the execs. Why are they looking if he needs to justify that we need another couple people for our team. At the very least, I should have been asked to be part of the process since I have previously interviewed report dev candidates and know both the tools we have available and the data we are dealing with but it's being done without any feedback from me. Another bad thing about this situation is that without any communication, it seems to be underhanded and potential undermining my position. Last week I received an invitation to a meeting where I was listed as TBD Report Developer. I questioned this via IM and my boss replied "yea, I'm going to replace you and spin someone up in < 1 week.", I didn't respond, so then he IM'd "really?", next came an emoticon with it's tongue sticking out and then he blamed it on someone else (Again - go back to the fact that I'm the only report dev and have been the only report dev for 3 years).

I used to trust my boss, but as he's gotten more visibility and accolodes for the work that I and my coworkers are doing, he's gotten less communicative and seems to have adopted the same attitude the execs show. My dept is small and while I trust the most senior person in my dept, he's a long time employee, he knows "how it's always been done", he doesn't work with new tools and he really doesn't say much and can't relate to my situation. The only other female in the dept is treated very much like a gopher and administrative assistant which was how I was treated initially until I finally got to show them what I could do. However, she has not proven to be trustworthy with confidences so I have no one to talk to about this situation.

Any suggestions?

 

[goombawaho]

Besides being poor at communication, the executives are misogynistic

Any suggestions?

Start looking for a new job right away. Why? A)It's obviously a crappy company for the above reasons and B)they are looking at replacing you whether it's justified or not. Strike first and leave vs. getting canned.

You can stay and fight, but it sounds like a treacherous environment. Sometimes even if you do a great job, you get rewarded by being the scapegoat. It just happens. Sometimes you think you are doing a great job, but sometimes we lie to ourselves. Either way, it doesn't sound promising.

Would love to hear some examples of the executives being misogynistic. I'm sure a lawyer would too!

"Living tomorrow is everyone's sorrow.
Modern man's daydreams have turned into nightmares.

 

[Jacque]

Examples: Having a meeting to tell an entire department, composed only of women, that they were being overly emotional because they raised and escalated the issue of on-call personnel of ignoring, avoiding, and deflecting client application issues. These client application issues could include a client being unable to log into our application and being unable to do their work, the application not working period and pieces of the application not performing as expected. The on-call employees not doing their part wasn't even discussed - the meeting was all about the department being 'overly emotional' and escalating a 'non-issue'.

When I raised the issue of how many women were leaving the company to my manager, and how all of the woman I had considered as role models had left, he was shocked when I ran through all of the names of all of the employees - all woman - who had left and raised the issue to his boss. They decided to set up a "Woman's Forum" and a training course entitled "Communication Skills for Women". Apparently our (women) communication skills were part of the 'problem'?. The following are some, oh so aggravating and irritating quotes I took from the pdf provided for the training, my commentary follows each quote:

"How to achieve confidence, credibility and composure in the workplace." - apparently because I'm a woman, I have no confidence, credibility or composure in the workplace.
"A matter of timing: when you’re most likely to be heard and when it’s better to hold your tongue" - when is this perfect time and have you ever been told - as a man - to hold your tongue?
"Empathy: your secret weapon for defusing a hothead" - I'd like to hear a man be told that.
"Tips for changing the traditionally feminine behaviors that sabotage your credibility" - I've worked on loading docks with ex-Hell's Angels, ex-gangbangers, and other potentially frightening individuals, I've been the first and only woman in a department, I've been the only woman on an entire floor of a building but never have I experienced the issues I have here and never had my credibility questioned - not once. When I was a lead, one of my employees was a young man from a country where women were barely second class citizens, when he'd run into problems, he would ask all of the men in the department for help and inevitably they would tell him to ask me. He'd go outside the department for help but again, they'd tell him to ask me. Finally one of the others came over with this young man in tow and asked me how to handle this particular problem, so I explained what needed to happen and asked if he wanted my assistance with any of the steps. I could see that he was a bit overwhelmed by my instructions, so I worked through each step of the issue with him. It worked out smoothly and he was applauded for solving the issue, I didn't say a word, I wanted him to know that was part of what I was there for. He never hesitated asking me for help again. I was respected for my skills and for doing my job.
"You’ll use these skills every day in virtually every situation: at work, at home and in social settings. And you won’t have to sacrifice your femininity in the process.
Are you ready to gain the respect and rewards of a more confident communication style?" - OK this one really killed me, sacrificing my femininity? My femininity has nothing to do with my position, I'm an employee just like any one of the other people in the company.

Those are just some of the things but there are many, many more and as for a lawyer, its not worth it to me. I'd love to salvage this position because I love what I do, the pay is ok, my commute is about 10 minutes and I have great coworkers, but I realized that I really do need to just move on.

Thanks for the advice.

 

[JonC8191]

Do you work in the 1980s?

I'm the reason why Paradise Lost

 

[Jacque]

Lol , It feels more like the 1950's to me - I wasn't around then but from what I remember in history class, it reminds me of this place. I've questioned a lot of the 'training' used here, it's archaic and so out of touch it's funny but it's paid for, so it must be still good.

 

[goombawaho]

How would they not have had the stuffing sued out them for those kinds of statements?

"Living tomorrow is everyone's sorrow.
Modern man's daydreams have turned into nightmares.

 

[Jacque]

I think a lot of it is due to the fact that all but one of the executive staff members at my particular division are men and since it doesn't affect them, it doesn't really matter.

When I expressed issues with the 'training' document, I was mocked, chastised for trying to start things, and they attempted to silence me which is partially the reason why I'm venting here. Sadly of the few women left, only a couple of us are vocal enough to cause a stir and the rest are either too young to grasp how dire this situation is or its their first 'real' jobs so they don't want to cause waves or they just don't get how derisive this training was to female employees. I asked my coworkers (both male) what they thought about the training, only to find out that they didn't know anything about it, (I had thought that it was odd that it was a blind-copy email). One of them said, while the wording of the documentation was offensive - he thought some of the items on the training agenda would be beneficial for everyone.

I waited almost 2 years doing menial crap to finally get the opportunity to show everyone why I was hired and what I can do, I really didn't want to lose the design freedom that I knew I'd have here but I needed an outside perspective. So thank you very much for letting me vent.

 

[goombawaho]

So, you are female? Jacque is not a female name. Confused.

"Living tomorrow is everyone's sorrow.
Modern man's daydreams have turned into nightmares.

 

[Jacque]

Yes, it confuses a lot of people. I think you are thinking Jacques like Jacques Cousteau, Jacque, in my case, is pronounced Jackie. It's confused people my entire life, I actually was assigned to boy's gym in high school and had to go in the locker room to prove that they made a mistake. That was a fun day....

 

[goombawaho]

Ignorant American - my excuse. That gym scenario is interesting. Sounds like a great basis for a lawsuit.......
Sounds like the plot to a 7 minute film - No Bikini Link

Back to your problem. You can surely stay and put up with a lot of B.S. and you may get replaced or get a new supervisor. I guess it's up to you as to how much B.S. you can stand and how much risk of suddenly being without a job you can tolerate. Your move.

"Living tomorrow is everyone's sorrow.
Modern man's daydreams have turned into nightmares.

 

[Jacque]

No problem, it makes for many an interesting adventure for me. Besides I'm American too, it's my dad's fault regarding my name, he saw it and liked the spelling.

Yes, it was interesting in the boys gym, it was fun watching them trying to scramble and cover up....not that I was looking too much . It was funny how they listened to the coach who quickly walked me out and back to the office to get it straightened out. Lol.

I have put up with a lot of B.S., but sadly I've worked at worse companies and for worse people.
I'm in the process of updating my resume, hopefully I will find something else - preferably better.

 

[mikrom]

...Jacque, in my case, is pronounced Jackie...

This reminded me of, that during my study in Berlin I had a classmate named Andrä (male), which is pronounced in german Andree, but the professors were confused and thought that he's female (maybe Andrea). They asked sometimes (on lectures or exercises) according to the list of lecture visitors: What is your opinion about this Miss Andrea ?
... and then a man stood up and answered the question (he had a beard and he was very clever). It was very funny and the professors were totally confused.

 

[SamBones]

My first girlfriend's name was Jacque, both spelled and pronounced like yours.

The place you're at sounds very toxic. And you seem quite outnumbered with no real support. If the place you work at is large enough to have a real HR department, I would start there.

I don't know what state you're in, but where I am, you've described a number of violations of the law. Given you can list a lot of other women's names that have left for whatever reason, you may have the basis of a nice class action suit. I realize litigation is a messy way to go, but I hate to see places like that go on just because nobody calls them on it.

Even if you don't go that route, still save offsite hard copies of everything you can, emails, IMs, those training descriptions, even notes of comments made by whom and when. You never know when this kind of backing information could become very useful or necessary.

Anyway, I think you are better off getting out of there and to some place that actually appreciates you regardless of your gender. From what you've described, it doesn't sound like you can fix the situation, and it will probably only get worse over time.

 

[Jacque]

The few women that are in a position or level to provide support are located states away, I really don't know any of them well enough to know whether or not that I can trust them.
We had a part-time HR person local to our division but she recently left the company.

I do have copies of everything offsite, I'm not a litigious person but I've been burned enough times and believe in being prepared.

Thanks everyone for your advice and comments, all have been appreciated or made me laugh.

 

[MikeHalloran]

I've worked for a lot of outfits like yours.
Whenever I leave, sometimes even voluntarily, I swear that I will do a better job of interviewing prospective employers so that I don't land in more or less the same job, again.
It has never worked.
I have never been able to discern what an outfit is really like, from the outside, and especially not during an interview, when everyone is on their best behavior.

If you've never been fired, I suggest you leave soon, of your own volition, and try to do a better job than I have in reading between the lines before you jump on to some other slave ship. At least try to start in the top row of oars-persons, so to speak.

If you have been fired, you're not afraid of it anymore, so stay, and develop a thick skin and a bad attitude. By bad attitude, I mean to respond to any affront such as you have described as offensive, instantly, and in a completely disproportionate manner.
... but otherwise be your professional and cooperative self at all times.
By disproportionate, I don't mean crying; I mean yelling and throwing stuff like any of us knuckle-draggers would do, or at least using the rudest possible profanity to insult and humiliate your antagonist. I'm sure your friends who sweat for a living would be delighted to help you practice and expand your vocabulary of malediction.

 

[goombawaho]

I would agree that employers are also on their best behavior during an interview. I used to never even think about that. I took job with a company and I should have been more suspicious when the interviewer asked, "how do you deal with difficult personalities?". Boy, did I find out WHY they asked me that question.

I don't know that you can ferret out that much during an interview because the employer lies as well!!! I asked if they had the budget to do what needs to be done and when I started working for them, IT couldn't even buy a spare backup tape without three approvals.

"Living tomorrow is everyone's sorrow.
Modern man's daydreams have turned into nightmares.

 

[Jacque]

MikeHalloran - LOL!
I've never been fired but I have been laid-off a few times.

I do have a couple of coworkers who have that bad attitude (naturally), I can't do that and I'm not a crier - I hate that. I can yell but I'm not in a position where yelling is acceptable or tolerated - although the aforementioned coworkers yell first, ask questions later and get away with it. My throwing things experience has been limited to nerf darts for fun (which I suck at) and once I discovered the wicked arm of my coworker, I'd just save them up for him to take aim.

I tend to get quiet and the words I do speak, tend to be very limited. I know this doesn't help matters, but I can't get away with the yelling and throwing things (other than nerf darts).

goombawaho
It's surprising how employers don't always realize that they too, are being interviewed and people notice things. Three times I've been able to recognize/discover during the interview process that the employer was not for me. I've also been lied to as well, I was once told that telecommuting was available but what I wasn't told was that it was only available to some people - I wasn't one of those people.

Once it was how the interviewer treated me and his immediate subordinate during the interview process that keyed me into the fact that this was not the place for me. I was offered the position, turned it down, then a few months later, was called about the position again. I watched the job postings and saw that job posted multiple times about 3-4 months apart.

The second time it was how I was tested during the interview and when I was taken around to meet the potential coworkers and see the office, I noticed how bizarrely still and quiet the room was, at the time I was a planner and this is not how planners work. I also noticed that the coworkers would sneak glances at me but not lift their heads until the manager brought me over to meet them - not a good sign. The 'test' was that I was offered a huge piece of cake, grossly over-frosted with a tiny napkin and no fork, I was in my best interview suit and didn't want to get cake on it and tried to refuse, he was not going to let me refuse, finally I took the piece of cake, placed it on his desk and left there when we went to meet the team. When he called me to offer me the job, he told me that he laughed at how well I handled his cake test, I didn't accept that offer either.

The third was at a bio-tech firm, I was tag-teamed by Dir of Ops and Pres for 4 hours during the interview, placed at one of their terminals trying to get me to create a work-around for them during the interview. This was a big red flag telling me that this was not the type of working situation that was going to work for me. I wasn't offered this job.

 

[edfair]

Gooms:
"I would agree that employers are also on their best behavior during an interview."

I remember mine with IBM data processing service division. Interviewer said that he had to give me the test but he didn't think I was smart enough to pass it.
Took a while working for them to really figure out how screwed up he was.

Had interviewed earlier with the electric typewriter service division. Their test was to tear apart some stuff using tools I had never seen before. Thankfully they didn't want me, even though I worked on some of their stuff in the other job. I would have gone bonkers when the selectric was released.

Ed Fair
Give the wrong symptoms, get the wrong solutions.

 

[goombawaho]

Yeah, you have to realize that it's not just potential employees (YOU) that are screwed up/dysfunctional. Organizations can just get all "messed up" if the people who run the place are incompetent and/or messed up themselves. The rest of the organization mirrors the higher layers of management - good or bad.

"Living tomorrow is everyone's sorrow.
Modern man's daydreams have turned into nightmares.

 

[MikeHalloran]

Interview tests: Yecch.

One time I interviewed for a manager position. My prospective manager introduced himself and took me into a conference room, where sat my eight prospective direct reports.

... who, shortly after the introductions, got into a loud argument.

The manager explained later that it was a setup, a test of my 'conflict resolution skills', which were deemed insufficient because I didn't intervene and attempt to stop the argument. I failed the test.

In my defense, I was curious to see who would prevail and how, and thought it was an opportunity to see the team at other than their best.
... and it was in Tennessee, so I had to assume that all were armed to the teeth.

None of my manager friends admitted to being tested that way in an interview, ever, but it wouldn't surprise me to see it elsewhere in today's Bizzarro World.

... none of which solves your problem, of course.
In some ideal universe, I'd say you're working for idiots, and you should just go and work for people who are not idiots.
... but as I sort of mentioned, either most managers are idiots, or I somehow manage to find mostly idiot managers.

I'd like to think that my experience with finding idiot managers is really just an artifact of the job market; maybe it always was. Look at it this way; unless you are fresh out of school, most of the jobs that are available to you, are available precisely because they are somehow 'broken'. You can pretty much assume that the prior incumbent got fired for some perceived incompatibility, or quit because they just couldn't take the insanity anymore. Certainly today, no one in his/her right mind would voluntarily leave a job that's good in every way, or maybe even just tolerably screwed up.

Maybe that will give you a glimmer of a hint of how you might find a better job, or help you find ways to deal with the one you have. Searching for obits of relatively young people might be productive...