Difficult Coworkers 4

[kHz]

I have worked with difficult coworkers before, but presently I am working with one that is completely impossible to work with.

Here are some true examples:

Another coworker needed some help from the difficult coworker, which was around the time for difficult to leave -
Other coworker: Is it about time for you to leave? Or do you have time to show me something?
Difficult coworker: Yes.
Other coworker: (pauses 5 seconds waiting for the rest - which doesn't come) Yes what?

Another time there was a problem in a Linux program that was causing some wrong numbers in iostat.
Me: There must be a bug in the Linux code for that program.
Difficult coworker: A bug? There is a bug in the software? How did that get in there? What kind of bug is it? A bug. I have never heard of that before. A bug?

In a meeting there was a discussion of whether to buy a certain model of Dell servers.
Another coworker: We can buy this model of Dell servers instead of staying with what we currently have.
Difficult coworker: Dell is coming out with another model that does (this this this).
Other coworker: Really. When are they available? We should buy those.
Difficult coworker: Well they aren't out yet. Not sure they ever will be or when. I read an article that said they wanted to do this in that model.

Said something about large databases.
Me: That is a large database to have on that server.
Difficult coworker: A large database? What is a large database?
Me: Number of users, disk space, table rows, number of tables.
Difficult coworker: I don't know what a large database is. I have never heard that. A small database and a large database? What is that?

He knows Linux commands and states he has worked on it for 10 years. But he doesn't understand the VMM or other aspects of Linux and performance.
Me: The system time is probably high because there are a number of cache misses that leads to clock cycles being chewed up.
Difficult coworker: Ok. I don't have any idea what you just said.

Another coworker asked me a question, something the difficult coworker had done.
Another coworker: How did that get installed and taken care of?
Me: I didn't do it. You should ask the difficult coworker because he did it.
Other coworker: I don't want to ask him because he will yell at me.

Another coworker has said jokingly to the difficult coworker before that he needs customer relation skills. I don't think it sinks into the difficult coworkers head that this is truthful but just said jokingly so he doesn't blow up.

There are many, many, many, other examples like that. And he can never be wrong and if he says one thing and you disagree then his face gets red and he just blows up.

This happened when we were discussing a NCAA Division I football player's transfer to another college. I said that he would have to sit out a year because of NCAA rules. The difficult coworker said that he only had to sit out if the coaches wanted him to sit out. I replied, "no, NCAA rules state Division I to Division I transfers have to sit out a year." He just blew up.

I have just never worked with anyone so volatile before, yet at times he can be nice. You just never know. One morning another coworker wanted to ask him a question and he grumbled something. The other coworker said "are you in a bad mood this morning?" He said "no."

Anybody else ever work with someone like this and how you dealt with them?

 

[sleipnir214]

Mr. Personality can only get away with this crap junk when he is allowed to. So don't let him.

Challenge him on any inappropriate behavior. When he tries to push people around with sarcasm, politely but inexorably push back. Directly and without pulling any punches describe his inappropriate behavior and tell him, do not ask him, to stop the behavior. You will have to be direct because the least politically-correct description on your part will rob your attempts of any force they might have.

When he yells, step into his personal space and tell him firmly but quietly, "You are yelling. Stop it."

The trick is to do it without matching sarcasm for sarcasm or resorting to being patronizing -- neither will be productive. But be prepared to have to piss this guy off, because it may be the only way to get his attention.



Want the best answers? Ask the best questions! TANSTAAFL!

 

[paterson]

It is quite obvious that your co-workers don't like or trust him. Let this guy know it.

When I have to deal with people like this, I try similar things as posted by Sleipnir214. At least at first! If that doesn't work, then I tend to dismiss them and their opinions.

When they offer suggestions at a meeting, I will look at them briefly and then look to everyone else and say something like "That's nice, lets move on". Let's the guy know that he's being a putz.

Never ask them their opinion on anything. Never question them in a way makes them think they know anything. Question their judgement if you know you are right, put yourself in a superior position.

People like that get the idea pretty quick and will either lighten up or leave. Both are acceptable.

OR you could go the PC route and take it up with the manager and/or the HR dept. Maybe they will offer him some touchy feely anger management course.





**************************************
My Biggest problem is that I almost always believe what I tell myself.

 

[aarenot]

try dealing with him in the same fashion as others who have not had good experiences with him, and have the same probable outcome.

try in a different way, and raise your probablility of not having the same relationship.

 

[BJCooperIT]

This guy is a showoff (spouting about the server), a smart-alec (large database?) and insecure (blows up when challenged). I agree with sleipnir214. Do not back away from confronting this type of behaviour, but make sure you take the professional highroad and never stoop to his level.

Difficult coworker: I don't have any idea what you just said.
You: With your experience I would expect you to understand these LINUX concepts. Perhaps we should schedule you for a refresher class.

Difficult coworker: Well they aren't out yet. Not sure they ever will be or when.
You: Thanks for volunteering that information, but that does not solve our problem.

Difficult coworker: ^$&#!%*&
You: That[sup]*[/sup] behaviour is childish, unhelpful and does not reflect well on you as a professional.
[sup]*[/sup] not "your"

When he blows up, ask him what it is that he wants. After he is able to articulate that, ask him if his behaviour will get him what he wants. This is a technique I was taught when learning to be a foster parent for abused children. It has amazing results with adults too. Sometimes just making someone put into words why they are angry is enough of a wakeup call. Good luck.



[sup]Beware of false knowledge; it is more dangerous than ignorance.[/sup][sup] ~George Bernard Shaw[/sup]
Consultant Developer/Analyst Oracle, Forms, Reports & PL/SQL (Windows)
My website: www.EmuProductsPlus.com

 

[Welshbird]

BJCopperIT -

Excellent advice - hava purple sparkly thing.

Fee

The question should be [red]Is it worth trying to do?[/red] not [blue] Can it be done?[/blue]

 

[RandeKnight]

Other coworker: Is it about time for you to leave? Or do you have time to show me something?
Difficult coworker: Yes."

Immature, but can be considered correct as saying that it is yes to both. Probably needs a few lessons in being less rigid and more accomodating to the norms of human communication.

'Large Database' is a relative term. A Gb for a small company may be considered large, whereas a terabyte might be normal for a larger company. He could have asked his question better - eg. 'what range would a normal size db be for that server?'

"Knowing" linux may be in his mind to be the same as "knowing" Windows. ie, he can start applications, knows what programs are available.
Cache hits/misses and CPU cycles may well be foreign to someone who only ever does programming/support. I'm surprised that someone like that has never taken an interest in the lower levels of computer architecture though.

However, yelling at coworkers in anger is not acceptable.
I've known some primadonnas get away with it, but that's because their good points heavily outweighed the inconveniences. eg.

 

[BJCooperIT]

I think the "can be considered correct" answer that either:
[ul][li]Purposely misleads someone[/li]
[li]Hurtfully makes fun of someone[/li][/ul]
to be a form of humiliation.

I used to work with a fellow who played the "ask the right quetion game". Unfortunately there was no way you could ask anything correctly in his mind. His answers would undermine you and your work. His goal was to make you feel stupid & small which made him feel smart & powerful. It wasn't until I stood up to his bullying ways that my workday became tolerable.

 

[spamly]

Sweet mother of... I think I work with that guy's twin!

I feel for you.

 

[Dollie]

A fun comment to use when he starts yelling is "We use our INSIDE VOICES here at the office. If we make an exception for you, we'll have to make one for <yell this loudly> EVERYONE."

It works.

And, as has been said in this thread, if it's allowed to happen, it will continue to happen. If management can't or won't do anything, I would discontinue including DC in any conversations that involve the following:
1. Thinking
2. Talking

 

[kHz]

Thanks to everyone tips and suggestions. I am going to use some of them because at times I feel I would rather chew my left arm off than have to talk to him.

Another good example was one day when I needed to ask him a question:
Me: (turned around in my chair and faced him. He was typing away) How do you do [so and so]?

**Waited and waited for about 30 seconds and no response; so I turned around and continued working to find the answer I though he already knew**

Mr. Difficult: (after about another 30 seconds - and in an angry voice) Were you talking to me? Why don't you say my name? Sometimes I have no idea if you are talking to me or someone else.

**seems a reasonable request; but getting angry about it?**

**about an hour later**

Mr. Difficult: (says something to me while I am working)
Me: I respond to him and answer his question.

Difference is he did the same thing he practically yelled at me for doing. Didn't say my name just started talking.

He doesn't seem to follow his own advice.

 

[sleipnir214]

Difference is he did the same thing he practically yelled at me for doing. Didn't say my name just started talking.

He doesn't seem to follow his own advice.

The set of differences includes the fact that you let him get away with it.



Want the best answers? Ask the best questions! TANSTAAFL!

 

[aarenot]

try asking him why he gets so upset from people asking him questions. maybe he gets interupted 20 times a day with things that could be asked via em, and responded to when he is not in the middle of something he has a train of thought going on. that can be very frustrating, and the single individual does not know when they are number 20 in the day that has a question which is so important it can not wait until an ideal moment.

 

[MeGustaXL]

Do you or any of your Nice Coworkers own a gun?







Just kidding But only just

Chris

I must only use this power to annoy! - Bart Simpson, aka Stretch Dude

 

[Lunatic]

Do you or any of your Nice Coworkers own a gun?

Well I'm sure they can round up a tapegun... And that might, with a little creativity, do the trick.

kHZ
If its really becoming an issue (such as he makes co-workers feel uncomfortable), in today's litigation-happy world, you and your co-workers should document everything to your Supervisor.

While BJCooperIT may have been successful in his case, it is much safer for you and your co-workers to let management know what is happening. If he is truely creating a hostile workforce it is management's responsibility to step in.

Directly confronting the co-worker can be counter-productive, especially if he complains to management and there is no documentation.

While it takes longer, management needs that documentation to be able to make any changes, without it they are unprotected if the coworker is unhappy with how they dealt with the situation, which means management is unlikely to take any action.

***************************************
Have a problem with my spelling or grammar? Please refer all complaints to my English teacher:
Ralphy "Me fail English? That's unpossible." Wiggum

 

[BJCooperIT]

Good point Lunatic. That wasn't an option I had back when it happened to me. My nemisis was the bosses "pet" and it was the 70's after all. Have a star, my treat.

 

[MeGustaXL]

Well I'm sure they can round up a tapegun

Actually, I was thinking more of a staplegun, or even a nailgun, but I can see the extremely painful possibilities of tape, skillfully applied, then carelessly ripped off again

Chris

I must only use this power to annoy! - Bart Simpson, aka Stretch Dude

 

[Lunatic]

BJCooperIT
It would be nice to be in a situation where you can still try to resolve things without resorting to lawyer-defined processes, sometimes a few words would be far more effective than any amount of documentation.

Of course there's not much you can ever do about the 'Pets' unless the department is big enough to have a HR Director thats terrified of not following procedure and the bad rap that would leave on the company and them ;p

MeGustaXL
The tapegun is certainly more subtle... but don't forget that nice serraded edge for tearing the tape...

Like I said, with a little creativity...

***************************************
Have a problem with my spelling or grammar? Please refer all complaints to my English teacher:
Ralphy "Me fail English? That's unpossible." Wiggum

 

[aarenot]

sounds like he is a busy guy who gets interupted constantly, and has lost some patience with it.

is it possible this is some what valid, or is that way out of line. for instance, if he is scheduled for 8 hours of work a day, is that 7 for the project/s he is working on, and one hour for other peoples questions, inquiries, etc.

 

[Dollie]

Some people still live in Mom's basement (or were recently forced to move out), have minimal social skills, and get along better with their computers and machines than they do with people.

Some people are emotionally limited, only feeling such emotions like anger and limited happiness.

And then, some people are just happier being unhappy. They look for controversy where there is none. They LOVE to stir the pot. They can't see solutions to situations, and are constantly rejecting any suggestions to improve things.

I've worked with people like all these over the years (as well as married one), and there is just simply nothing that can be done by a coworker. It has to be accomplished by a higher power, be that what it may.