dealing with colleague 1

[Mshen]

dealing with short-tempered colleague.

he told me that I am the most difficult man in the world...

this started because I overlooked something while trying doing many things at the same time.

I fixed the tech problem in 20 minutes. during the whole process I felt numb. I didn't apologise because I already bashed by his rude comment. this sort of situation hasn't happened for years (at least he or the manager didn't told me).

last week I rejected his blame-dumping since the other case was handled by the manager after I finished my part.

he could not find a better job, neither could I. sadly still need to work under the same premise, until the next big thing happen.

I know I will pay for my mistakes, but office politics is always my weakest part.

shall I tell him to talk to the manager if he gets angry again?

any better input welcome.

regards,

Mike

 

[DPlank]

1. Ask him why he thinks you are difficult. He may have a point!

2. Listen.

3. Accept constructive criticism only. As soon as it gets personal, ask why it's getting personal.

Explain that you want to ensure a smooth relationship with all your colleagues and would like to address any issues.

If it gets worse, then you need to document the kinds of problems and open a dialogue with your manager, asking for his/her feedback. Does S/He this you need to work on your interpersonal skills? Or is it your colleague who needs to do this?

Either way, relax and don't let the s get you down..

Cheers,
Dave

Probably the only Test Analyst on Tek-Tips

animadverto vos in Abyssus!

Take a look at Forum1393 & sign up if you'd like

 

[njwcad]

Try to put this incident down as a learning experience. Explain to your college that you are properly both under pressure with deadlines to meet and apologise for any mistakes you may have made. You may be genuinely suprised in the change in attitude a simple apology can make.

You may not like your college but the hard reality is that you will most likely need to have a civil working relationship this person.

If you really can not work with them have an informal chat with your boss although this has the potential to backfire.

 

[SantaMufasa]

Mike, I have found that amongst humans, you can generally trace aggressive behaviour, as your colleague exhibited, to a fundamental personality flaw such as a lack of self confidence or a self-image issue.

I agree with njwcad that meeting such an undiplomatic comment from your colleague with an apology or some other form of self-deprecation can be disarming.

I can recall an incident many years ago when my wife called me at work. She was in tears over a neighbor's rude comment, telling my wife that she considered us to be very thoughtless people and that she wished we had never moved into the neighborhood.

I explained to my wife that there was no need to move away and to not respond immediately to the neighbor. The next day, my wife and I left on a brief out-of-town trip. While away, we bought a lovely gift for the neighbor. Upon our return, we delivered it to her doorstep with a note of sincere wishes for friendship.

The woman's response was overwhelming...She burst into tears and asked how we could be so kind to her after she had been so unkind to us. To this day (28 years later), the lady still sends us Holiday greetings.

So, if your response is something kind and/or disarming, you can be surprised at the effects. (It's nearly entertaining to see how quickly you can "wear down" a grouch like your colleague.)

Mufasa
(aka Dave of Sandy, Utah, USA)

http://www.dasages.com

Do you use Oracle and live or work in Utah, USA?
Then click here to join Utah Oracle Users Group on Tek-Tips.

 

[langleymass]

Sometimes just saying, "Calm down," can do a world of good. Getting other parties involved will just stir resentment. It will solve little or nothing.

 

[dennisbbb]

Meet with equally rude comments and he will experience the same effect. Show him you are not below him. Stand your ground and you will not be stepped on. Show you are a weakling, and you will experience comments 10X as strong next time.

Office politics is simply another version of pre-schoolers playing with legos.

 

[Sashanan2]

I would definitely not fight fire with fire, though. Far better to sidestep the issue than to try and meet it head on. I can't imagine you'd be comfortable with exerting the same behavior that bothers you in him.

I second the advice to find out why he's saying you're difficult; listen, decide for yourself if there's any truth to it. And usually there is some, even if you don't agree with what he says about you there may be something you can pick up from it. Personal relations are rarely black & white, even if you judge 90% of what he thinks about you unjustified, you may still be able to learn a little bit about yourself from the remaining 10%.

If you consider office politics your weak part, then refuse to play the game their way.


"Any fool can defend his or her mistakes; and most fools do." -- Dale Carnegie

 

[DPlank]

[facetious suggestion]
If all else fails, you can always kick his ***!
[/facetious suggestion]

Cheers,
Dave

Probably the only Test Analyst on Tek-Tips...therefore whatever it was that went wrong, I'm to blame...

animadverto vos in Abyssus!

Take a look at Forum1393!

 

[EdwardMartinIII]

People stopped criticizing me when I would run with it to the point of absurdity.

Nimrod (being helpful): Hey, you forgot to melt this one anchor point.
Me: Oh, sorry about that. Here, let me fix that...
Nimrod (being Nimrod): You know, we've got to melt ALL the anchor points.
Me: Well yeah, but I really suck.
Nimrod (caught by surprise): Uh...
Me: But that's okay. At least the government gives you a subsidy for hiring special needs people like me. At least I don't need the diapers anymore. I'm a big boy now. Is there anything else I can help with?
Nimrod: (wanders off, stunned)

See, people who are bitchy are just reacting in a fashion that has (alas) served them well sufficiently to train them to use that method. They aren't thinking or planning evil. They're like children in that respect and as such, are often prone to training.

People who have brains can think in advance and prepare responses that can range from casual-seeming and harmless, to emotionally devastating.

Plan in advance. Defang the offensive behavior. In this case, I refuse to accept it unless it's tied to even more injurious and ridiculous assumptions. Most people aren't willing to degrade me as much as I can degrade me and eventually, they leave me alone, because anyone with half a brain can see that I don't suck and I hardly ever have a pants-related accident.

It's worked for me, plus I found new friends when doing it. Maybe it'll work for you.

Cheers,


Edward

"Cut a hole in the door. Hang a flap. Criminy, why didn't I think of this earlier?!" -- inventor of the cat door