WoW - it's a start

[LNBruno]

>.

Some Words of Wisdom my baby sister has finally recognized:

1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much, leave me alone.

2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and leaky tire.

3. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.

4. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

5. Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else.

6. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

7. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

8. Before you criticize some one, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

9. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

11. If you lent someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.

12. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

13. Some days you're the bug; some days you're the windshield.

14. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

15. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.

16. A closed mouth gathers no foot.

17. Duct tape is like "The Force." It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

18. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.

19. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.

20. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

21. Never miss a good chance to shut up.

22. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.



< M!ke >
I am not a hamster and life is not a wheel.

 

[Thadeus]

Hmm... Happy to see this was Words of Wisdom and not WoW as in the Opie and Anthony stickers... For those that don't know O&A, they are American radio show hosts that have a very prurient bent to their program. I'm more of an NPR type.

~thadeus

PS: the following words of wisdom are taped to my monitor -

His mother had often said, When you choose an action, you choose the consequences of that action. She had emphasized the corollary of this axiom even more vehemently: when you desired a consequence you had damned well better take the action that would create it.

Lois McMaster Bujold, author

 

[jebenson]

10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

A variation on this one that I like:

Build a man a fire, and you'll keep him warm for a night. Set him on fire and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.



I used to rock and roll every night and party every day. Then it was every other day. Now I'm lucky if I can find 30 minutes a week in which to get funky. - Homer Simpson

Arrrr, mateys! Ye needs ta be preparin' yerselves fer Talk Like a Pirate Day!

 

[DTSMAN]

Maybe not actual wisdom, but thought of it when I saw the words of wisdom list.

Things a Southern Boy Ain’t Said

1. I’ll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex.
2. Duct tape won’t fix that.
3. Honey, I think we should sell the pickup and buy a family sedan.
4. Come to think of it, I’ll have a Heineken.
5. We don’t keep firearms in this house.
6. Has anybody seen the sideburns trimmer.
7. You can’t feed that to the dog.
8. I thought Graceland was tacky.
9. No kids in the back of the truck, it just ain’t safe.
10. Wrestling is fake.
11. Honey did you mail that donation to Greenpeace.
12. We’re vegetarians.
13. Do you think my gut is to big.
14. I’ll have cheese and grapes instead of biscuits and gravy.
15. Homey, we don’t need another dog.
16. Who gives a damn who won the civil war.
17. Give me the small bag of pork rinds.
18. To many deer heads distract from the décor.
19. Spittin is such a nasty habit.
20. I just couldn’t find anything at Walmart today.
21. Trim the fat off that steak.
22. Cappuccino taste better than Espresso.
23. The tires on that truck are too big.
24. I’ll have the arugula and radicchio salad.
25. I’ve got it all on the c: drive.
26. Unsweetened tea taste better.
27. Would you like your fished poached or broiled.
28. My fiancée, Bobby Jo, is registered at Tiffany’s.
29. I’ve got 2 cases of Zima for the Super Bowl.
30. Little Debbie snack cakes have to many fat grams.
31. Checkmate!
32. She’s to young to be wearing a bikini.
33. Does the salad bar have bean sprouts.
34. Hey, there’s an episode of Hee Haw we haven’t seen.
35. I don’t have a favorite college team.
36. Be sure to bring my salad dressing on the side.
37. You all.
38. Those shorts are to short, Darla.
39. Nope, no more beer for me. I’m driving tonight.


Bo

Remember,
If the women don't find you handsome,
they should at least find you handy.
(Red Green)

http://www.redgreen.com

 

[kjv1611]

Red Green - now there's a true southerner. No, wait! He aint no southerner! He's a Canadian! Maybe, he's a Canadian Southerner?

Hey, anybody got any Canadian Bacon lying around? I'm getting kind of hungry, now...





--

"If to err is human, then I must be some kind of human!" -Me