Notwithstanding the fact that this is the most inane thread I have ever seen in my life, I will offer some insight into functions in MicroStrategy. MicroStrategy can crunch data within its server using the different OLAP, statistical, financial, etc. functions. Alternatively, you can bypass the SQL Parser by using the Apply functions -- the syntax of these are tricky but you can force the engine to have the database do the calculations. For those of you taking notes out there, sometimes this could fall within the realm of database tuning.
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