It seems like I'm surrounded by more sub-par intellectuals than most on here, so I thought I'd share a few recent incidents from people around me.
Incident #1: A guy I work with was asking about different sandwich selections at a local Subway restaurant, and made his decision, but needed to know the price. He asks the girl behind the counter, "How much is a foot-long?" Her reply was holding her hands about twelve inches apart, and saying, "About that much." Dead-serious. No smile.
Incident #2: A friend of mine calls me, and asks, "Is Alaska an island?" My reply was, "You're joking, right?" She was not, however. She saw a truck in Indiana with Alaskan plates, and couldn't figure out how it got to Indiana, and her husband told her they probably drove, and she thought that was funny because everyone knows trucks don't float. Her argument for thinking it was an island, is that when looking at a map of the United States, Alaska is typically shown in a separate box in the corner of the map... Right by Hawaii.
Incident #3: Same girl from incident #2. She was helping her husband fill out a job application, and was going through the checklist the employer sent along. One of the items on the checklist was, "Be sure to include your return mailing address on the envelope." She got a blank stare, and looks at her husband going, "Honey, I know what our mailing address is, but what's a return mailing address?"
Incident #4: Eating at Hacienda (local Mexican restaurant) a few months ago, I asked our waitress what day that Cinco de Mayo fell on this year. She said she would check, and walks over to a calender to see. She came back and said, "It looks like it's on the fifth of May this year." I found that funny enough in itself, but didn't laugh, and simply said, "No, I meant what day? As in Monday, Tuesday..." She then came back with another classic line, "Oh, so it's one of those holidays like Thanksgiving that falls on the last Thursday of the month."
Incident #5: Same girl from incident #2. We were swimming at her house one day, and she got home about the same time as her brother-in-law was leaving. Well, after he left I told her that he dropped a cigarette in the pool, and burnt a hole in the bottom. She looked down, and saw a brown sap stain on the bottom, and flew into a fury! She was out for blood! Well, we got her calmed down, and then I simply told her, "Think about it. How could a cigarette burn the bottom of a pool full of water?" Her reply, "I know. I know. It would float."
Let's hear some of yours.
Incident #1: A guy I work with was asking about different sandwich selections at a local Subway restaurant, and made his decision, but needed to know the price. He asks the girl behind the counter, "How much is a foot-long?" Her reply was holding her hands about twelve inches apart, and saying, "About that much." Dead-serious. No smile.
Incident #2: A friend of mine calls me, and asks, "Is Alaska an island?" My reply was, "You're joking, right?" She was not, however. She saw a truck in Indiana with Alaskan plates, and couldn't figure out how it got to Indiana, and her husband told her they probably drove, and she thought that was funny because everyone knows trucks don't float. Her argument for thinking it was an island, is that when looking at a map of the United States, Alaska is typically shown in a separate box in the corner of the map... Right by Hawaii.
Incident #3: Same girl from incident #2. She was helping her husband fill out a job application, and was going through the checklist the employer sent along. One of the items on the checklist was, "Be sure to include your return mailing address on the envelope." She got a blank stare, and looks at her husband going, "Honey, I know what our mailing address is, but what's a return mailing address?"
Incident #4: Eating at Hacienda (local Mexican restaurant) a few months ago, I asked our waitress what day that Cinco de Mayo fell on this year. She said she would check, and walks over to a calender to see. She came back and said, "It looks like it's on the fifth of May this year." I found that funny enough in itself, but didn't laugh, and simply said, "No, I meant what day? As in Monday, Tuesday..." She then came back with another classic line, "Oh, so it's one of those holidays like Thanksgiving that falls on the last Thursday of the month."
Incident #5: Same girl from incident #2. We were swimming at her house one day, and she got home about the same time as her brother-in-law was leaving. Well, after he left I told her that he dropped a cigarette in the pool, and burnt a hole in the bottom. She looked down, and saw a brown sap stain on the bottom, and flew into a fury! She was out for blood! Well, we got her calmed down, and then I simply told her, "Think about it. How could a cigarette burn the bottom of a pool full of water?" Her reply, "I know. I know. It would float."
Let's hear some of yours.
![[santa]](/data/assets/smilies/santa.gif "[santa] [santa]")
Mufasa![[wink]](/data/assets/smilies/wink.gif "[wink] [wink]")
![[rofl]](/data/assets/smilies/rofl.gif "[rofl] [rofl]")